Anyone else notice patterns of defensive self talk?

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Participant
2 years, 3 months ago.

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  • #17467

    Participant

    Hello everyone!

    Thank you SQ, sina, rico for all of the frequent posts and replies. This feels like so much more fun to have people that get what it feels like to do all of this work!

    So, here’s my random day 16 observation. As I have been practicing the meditations, positive visions and questions, I have become much more aware of thought patterns. I have noticed a pattern where I do something that feels just a bit off – eg running a few minutes late to meet my bf, ignoring a call from mom, missing someone’s bday – and then afterwards I start to rehearse justifications/rationalizations so I will have them ready just in case I am called on anything. These are usually excuses, statements about my troubles to elicit sympathy or counterattacks.

    I’m noticing that defensive thinking is like the opposite of the positive visualizations – I’m rehearsing for being confronted about something where I feel like I could be in the wrong, and then mentally rehearsing an inauthentic statement, or even worse, an attack.

    Anyway, I don’t like it! It is feeling much better to visualize the details of fulfilling work, loving relationships, healthy physique.

    I’m sending everyone positive energy tonight and wishing that all of your positive visions come true 🙂

    – peter panda

  • #17470

    Participant

    Hi Peterpan! Sounds like you’re growing up! Let’s let “Wendy ” know! (Joke, play on words!)
    Remember it’s the 100% Solution, chapter 1, which admonishes that “You have to stop all your blaming and complaining”. Sounds like you’re putting that into practice. First in being aware of how this blame game starts in your thought process, (in which you rehearse your lines)
    Hopefully this post will inspire others as they strive to realize their potential. Thanks ! Onward, Sina

  • #17476

    Participant

    peterpanda23 . . . From my point of view, there are only so many hours in a day. And this type of work — even with all of its positive self-talk, etc. – requires a balancing aspect that will naturally include some negative blowback on occasion. I think such thoughts that you mention may begin to fade as you/we adjust to a less hectic pace of life. Back when I was fueling on booze and pushing, pushing, pushing there wasn’t a whole lot of time to slow the motor and think. But now there is . . . and that is not to say that there won’t be times of regret, remorse, even a stage of re-hashing & self-inventory of how we are treating people we love. If your running late, cop to it and don’t beat yourself up over in. (That is my opinion.) But maybe also evaluate the “why” of such actions. Nothing wrong with musing on what it is that makes us tick. Do you need to be late, or is it something else?

    Positive visualization is great, don’t get me wrong. We need it. And plenty of it. But when you say: ” I have become much more aware of thought patterns. I have noticed a pattern where I do something that feels just a bit off”

    Well, that seems worth looking into. What is it within that is behind the “thought patterns?” What is it that is informing such a concept? For example, do you feel spent? Do you feel you need more time for yourself and to take care of your needs? Or is it a bit more mundane and is there a part that is upset about something and it’s a way of getting even? — Now that last one may sound a bit harsh, and it is not meant to be and in no way am i saying it represents where you’re coming from. But, when doing self-inventory, why hold back from what might feel not so kind? Once we get a glimpse of what may be informing such thoughts and or actions, I believe we have a better chance of honestly dealing with them. — Positive always needs balanced with realistic, in my opinion.

    If any of that fits . . . fantastic. If not, just push the delete button and move on. Best to ya.

    Take care!

  • #17488

    Participant

    Hey there Peter Panda – I am so with you on thanking Rico and Sina for the frequent posts as it really is encouraging and thought provoking! Their success, time and effort in igniting that of others, is so inspiring!!! The more days we conquer…the more I realize this easily accessible 24 hour support is so valuable to all the members’ experiences whether welcoming triumph or facing challenges. In reading your reflection of the pattern you have been noticing, I thought maybe it has something to do with past behavior/habits when the focus was on the poison…that habit may have prompted you setting yourself up for being late/forgetful/absent (as you described) and maybe that somehow was your way of rationalizing to yourself that treating yourself with such neglect (poison) was ok too? Or, maybe it is completely nonsensical and a sign to instead focus on the new you that you described with such ENTHUSIASM “fulfilling work, loving relationships, healthy physique” and more! I see you soaring with energy between the lines and gaining speed on the fast track to realizing your dreams!

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