CORE VALUES

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2 months ago.

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  • #4605

    Excessive drinking and core values don’t mix! That is why we invite you to reply to this thread with your list of core values. Then, share with others how your drinking has played a role in contradiction of violating each of them. For example, one of our clients identified Success as a core value and wrote, “How can I be successful if I feel like I need to drink to be happy? Would I consider a great leader to be ‘great’ if he or she depended on alcohol as much as I do?” When you make decisions that are in alignment with your core values, you will experience more inner peace, happiness, and joy. And by sharing this in your community forum, we can all learn from each other.

  • #6022

    Participant

    My list of core values are Freedom, Love, Compassion, Kindness, Truth, Health, Generosity, Integrity, Spirituality and Accountability. I often contradict these values when I drink, and it leaves me feeling extremely shameful, and shame is what leads me to drink. How can I truly be free if alcohol has such a significant hold of me? How can I express and receive love if I’m not really “there” because Im drunk? How am I taking care of my body when I am poisoning it on a daily basis? How am I living in integrity when my job is to show people how to take better care of their bodies when I don’t even take care of my own? How can I be accountable to myself when I make promises to stop drinking and never do?

    This chapter was the most enlightening. Wow.

    • #6106

      Those are absolutely beautiful core values. Realizing we are not living a life in alignment with our core values can be difficult to swallow. Yet once we’ve made this realization, we are gifted with knowledge. It sounds like this solution was quite an eye-opener for you. Your newfound knowledge can be your guide to living a life in alignment with your core values.

    • #6153

      Participant

      Thanks for starting off our reflection and conversation sierrasuze. I have decided that for me it is important to interact to stay present with this so I appreciate your contribution

      • #8834

        Participant

        what does sierrasuze mean?

    • #8833

      Participant

      Wow! Love your list of core values. Hang in there. Based on these you are on your way to making fabulous decisions. God Bless dear one.

    • #12881

      Participant

      I admire your list of core values and agree wholeheartedly with everything you said. Thanks for sharing. I’m right here with you!

    • #18390

      Participant

      Renewed Vision Statement: I wake up with energy and purpose, healthy and excited, one day closer to my goals. Clarity, relief and inspiration are back in my life, empowering my creativity, achievement, freedom and fame.

      • #20760

        Participant

        Thank for this model for a vision statement. I see this one as one to serve ongoing. Best

  • #6080

    Participant

    Thought there was a list of core values on website?

  • #6081

    Participant

    Realize this is beta website. Meanwhile, here’s a reference: http://examples.yourdictionary.com/examples-of-core-values.html

  • #6107

    Thank you sierrasuze for the resource! Yes, we are in beta launch and many more resources will become available on the website in the coming months. For now, here is another great resource for an extensive list of values: Core Values

  • #6110

    Participant

    My list of core values are: Non-violence, spirituality, honesty/straightforwardness, generosity, compassion and kindness, pleasantness/cheerfulness, health/fitness, fairness/justice, presence, gratitude. When I drink to excess I don’t live my values either because I am drinking or because I become a different person when I am drinking – I am never fully present nor concerned, and it permeates my whole life and way of being.This time around I haven’t committed overt shameful acts but I have let myself down by not concentrating on my values and my goals. I have just sunk into the emotional soporific which is alcohol and have stepped away from life. I become self-cherishing and self-absorbed and disconnected.

    It was important to do this solution and reconnect with who I want to be and what is important to me.

  • #6568

    Participant

    Dependability- Problem drinking meant I was drunk or hungover at inopportune times; irresponsible.
    Friendship & Family- Problem drinking meant I wasn’t present and accountable; selfish.
    Gratitude- Problem drinking undermined my thankfulness for being; unappreciative.
    Health- Problem drinking caused HBP, indigestion, forgetfulness, shakiness, headaches, etc.
    Honesty- Problem drinking led me to lying about the extent of my drinking; misleading.
    Humor- Problem drinking left me feeling morose or depressed; humorless.
    Clarity- Problem drinking obscured seeing Who I really am; awareness.
    Tranquility- Problem drinking left me feeling not a peace with myself; upset with myself.
    Vivacity- Problem drinking left me feeling hungover, uninspired, and uncreative; lethargy.
    Wealth- Problem drinking was a waste of money.

    • #12308

      Participant

      What a clear and well defined list. Thank you, I can relate to this.

    • #12882

      Participant

      Love this list. Yes, yes and yes to all! Thanks for sharing. I am overwhelmed with gratitude just knowing I am not alone, my thoughts feelings and emotions are not unique. Blessings to you on this journey!

    • #15745

      Participant

      I applaud your clear and straight forward approach to define your core values and illustrate them with actions. You were able to put meaning to words and motivated me to do it.

  • #6726

    Participant

    The analogy of a ship programmed one direction and me trying to steer it another (willpower) really resonated. The ship needs to be re-programmed and then it is easy to steer. It’s like the ship was originally programmed the correct direction (core values) and then over the course of heavy drinking I stumbled into the controls of the boat changing the programmed direction. Not knowing why the boat keeps going in the wrong direction I keep trying to steer it back on course. Finally, I realize the programming has been changed and I need to re-program the navigation computer. Wow!

  • #6902

    Participant

    Family: One festive and drunk night, I made fun of my teenage daughter in front of a crowd and later she told me how much that event hurt her feelings and embarrassed her. Her feedback made me realize that I needed this book. Thank you.

  • #6927

    Participant

    The A-HA moment I got to about halfway through Day #10 was realizing that absolutely no POSITIVE value is POSITIVELY served by drinking. I appreciated the exercise asking us to articulate for each of our top 10 values how excessive alcohol consumption compromises each value. But I was most inspired today by the opportunity to continually revisit and reflect upon those values most important to me and reiterate that alcohol simply plays no part in “accentuating the positive” in any of them.

  • #7038

    Participant

    Core Values and my drinking everynight contradict everything that I am suppose to stand for. Most people believe that I am a very spiritual, religious practicing person. And I am except for all the hypocrisy of hiding my drinking. How can I believe these values are a part of my inner being and violate them all the time. Every night I would cave in to my desires for alcohol to beat the depression of things not going right in my life only to gain a temporary nights relief but to wake up with the guilt, shame and embarrassment the next day. Trying to stop on my own was all but impossible yet this book has helped me in so many ways and now I am living a almost unreal dream that I have stopped drinking. Yes, I have stopped! I just hope and pray that at the 30 days the thought of drinking never enters my mind and if it does it will simply and easily be rejected. Never am I going back to the old hypocrite. The core values of Love, spirituality, authenticity, joy, peace, integrity, honesty, family and so on are not only who I am and want to be but are the opposites of hate, untrust worthy, conflicted, miserable, depressed, sick, liar, hider and many more. With drunkenness every night those bad values were what I felt but the good ones were my desires. That’s why I was so miserable and depressed. Now it is all reversed. I cant say Thank you enough. Lets keep going forward and never go back!

  • #7042

    Participant

    My core values are my faith, family, friends, helping my community and neighbors. Being a good person, working hard – commitment. Drinking takes from these core each time I drink. It takes me away from my faith by being too hungover on Sundays to attend Mass, from my family by either being drunk or being miserable from drinking in excess, from my career as I could never be 100% while trying to recover from hard weekends. It takes me from me and all that I hold in my heart as meaningful.

  • #7201

    Participant

    Eye opening solution. Putting it on paper was humbling. I’m 56, have led a normal, functioning life. No drugs, outside of alcohol. That being said, EVERY one of the 10 values I listed has been greatly affected by drinking. Core values, to me, means ‘identity.’ This means, who I am!! Despite what I try to portray, deep down I’m not living my authentic life, based on my beliefs…..or maybe it’s a ‘diluted version’ of my values. Either way, it’s not acceptable in the bigger picture of what I want to represent to myself or others. This process isn’t easy….but is enlightening…and today I learned something….I need to do better.

  • #7208

    Participant

    This program is truly life changing. Today’s action steps are eye-opening, indeed; and I appreciate this message board. Many of the comments resonate deeply and the day is summed up perfectly with rapmasterd’s, “The A-HA moment I got to about halfway through Day #10 was realizing that absolutely no POSITIVE value is POSITIVELY served by drinking” and papwriter’s, “That being said, EVERY one of the 10 values I listed has been greatly affected by drinking. Core values, to me, means ‘identity.’ This means, who I am!! Despite what I try to portray, deep down I’m not living my authentic life, based on my beliefs…..or maybe it’s a ‘diluted version’ of my values.”

    Wow. Such truth. Thank you.

  • #7212

    This is a very difficult, yet enlightening solution. Thank you everyone for really looking deep within and challenging yourself. Great work!

  • #7495

    Participant

    Sorry this is long.

    In reviewing my drinking self next to my core values was disgusting. While drinking I have sacrificed most of my core values. Freedom; I made myself a literal prisoner, I avoided anyone or anything that even attempted to keep me accountable about quitting. While drinking there was not an ounce of authenticity to me, hiding always to protect and nurture my secret. All creativity was quashed. I did remain loyal, but only to alcohol. I did honor privacy but only so that I could drink. I sacrificed all security, of my safety and the safety of others of my marriage of my family. Achievement became an unattainable distant luxury. I sacrificed my family daily. Thank God I did not receive the justice I deserved! Justice for me became justification. Self reliance became non existent, I didn’t eat, I couldn’t even do the day to day tasks like showering or brushing my teeth. My strength was lost. Truth was whatever I told myself to ensure the next drink. Usually very generous with my time and treasure, while drinking I was not generous except for my alcohol portions. Integrity was laughable. My passion for all that I hold dear and for life itself was snuffed out. My faith and spirituality suffered as it was put on the back burner. My love of spontaneity and adventure yielded to the ritual of drinking. Kindness gave way to anger hurtful resentful painful actions by me toward the ones I love.

    This was the best solution for me to solidify the link between pain and alcohol!

  • #7504

    Participant

    Profile photo of robynz762
    robynz762

    Participant
    Sorry this is long.

    In reviewing my drinking self next to my core values was disgusting. While drinking I have sacrificed most of my core values. Freedom; I made myself a literal prisoner, I avoided anyone or anything that even attempted to keep me accountable about quitting. While drinking there was not an ounce of authenticity to me, hiding always to protect and nurture my secret. All creativity was quashed. I did remain loyal, but only to alcohol. I did honor privacy but only so that I could drink. I sacrificed all security, of my safety and the safety of others of my marriage of my family. Achievement became an unattainable distant luxury. I sacrificed my family daily. Thank God I did not receive the justice I deserved! Justice for me became justification. Self reliance became non existent, I didn’t eat, I couldn’t even do the day to day tasks like showering or brushing my teeth. My strength was lost. Truth was whatever I told myself to ensure the next drink. Usually very generous with my time and treasure, while drinking I was not generous except for my alcohol portions. Integrity was laughable. My passion for all that I hold dear and for life itself was snuffed out. My faith and spirituality suffered as it was put on the back burner. My love of spontaneity and adventure yielded to the ritual of drinking. Kindness gave way to anger hurtful resentful painful actions by me toward the ones I love.

    This was the best solution for me to solidify the link between pain and alcohol!

    • #7526

      Thank you for sharing @robynz762. It sounds like this was quite a breakthrough solution for you. I can tell how hard you worked and how introspective you were in truly identifying all the ways you’ve been living your life out of alignment with your values. This can be challenging and oftentimes emotional work. I’m proud of you for working the solution so thoroughly- I see you’ve already experienced great value from it.

      Here’s to your continued success!

  • #7873

    Participant

    My list turned out to be much longer than I thought, but these are the biggies for me: Authenticity, Truth, Humility, Compassion, Creativity, Courage, Love and Spirituality.

    In addiction, I was a living and breathing contradiction. But what I really wanted to share was the ‘something new’ that was really exciting to learn and see with new eyes today. As I was writing about the ways in which my addicition has kept me from living these values, I became acutely aware of their subtleties and pervasiveness. It’s like how Tommy Rosen likes to refer to the “frequency” of addiction.

    That’s what I sensed as I was writing. At first I was expecting that I’d be writing more about things that were more visible – say my actions and what others saw. These are obviously there too, but it was sooo important for me to see how they have operated like an undercurrent, pervading my entire way of operating…of living and breathing in this world and in my life. Thank-you…thank-you for taking me to this place. What a gift!!! This is what my beloved teacher Adyashanti would call “striking the root.”

  • #7959

    Participant

    Sorry but could not find the longer list of core values as stated in book .

    • #13830

      Participant

      I can’t find them either

  • #8164

    Participant

    Hello. Long time since my last post. I am on day 32 of no alcohol and day 10 of solutions. My core values are: Reverence, Equality, Peacefulness, Honesty, Kindness, Authenticity, Confidence and Humility. None of these core values are practiced when I am drinking. For me it simply comes down to the dishonesty of alcohol, which distorts everything and makes it impossible to live my truest values. I’ve been remembering a quote from my Faith – “All things are beneficial when joined with the love of God. Without His love, all things become a vail between man and the Lord of the Kingdom”. Alcohol is a vail between me and my core values – my divinity, God within. Life loses true meaning and purpose when I choose alcohol over my core values. These last 32 days have brought me some peace of mind and a sense of purpose that I have not felt for many years.

    • #12883

      Participant

      Thank you for this post! Day 10 alcohol free for me. I can’t agree more about the “vail” illustration. I value my relationship with God above all others and for me drinking alcohol is like wearing ear plugs and trying to hear God’s voice in my life. My life with alcohol is such a contradiction to living a life of purpose and passion in ministry. I also value honesty, integrity, creativity, health and fitness, a thriving marriage and being there for my family. Sobriety is the gateway to living out my core values and for this opportunity through this book I am so grateful!

  • #8215

    Participant

    I don’t think I’ve ever really thought about my core values before. I just sort of glide along in life. Here are the core values I’ve selected:

    Core Values
    honesty; reliability; fairness; fun; humor; joy; happiness; love; peace; passion; security- self-reliance

    Well, I certainly haven’t bee honest or reliable while drinking to excess. I make up excuses why I can’t show up somewhere, or simply tell the truth. People don’t seem to believe this or know what to say. I haven’t had fun, joy, happiness or peace of mind either. I want them. I need them. I am 9 nines thriving in sobriety. When I think about drinking, I think “It’s not good for my mind, body or soul … AND I’m not having fun.

  • #8293

    Participant

    Thanks all for the wonderful sharing and giving me a real sense of connection in this community.
    Reaffirming this is a collective experience love and healing that we are doing for ourselves and others.
    Very important spiritual work for survival of the planet. Imagine conscious living.
    Compassion-vs. self-loathing, judgement and unforgiveness
    consciousness-vs. unaware,delusion, disconnected
    gratitude-vs. lacking, depleted/empty
    health vs. no vigor or energy
    self-reliance vs. insecurity
    peace vs. unsatisfied, craving, turmoil
    authenticity vs. secrecy, isolation, denial
    joy vs. depression, uninspired
    acceptance vs. anger, resentment and fear
    achievement vs. failure

    peace and love to all.

  • #8362
    ana

    Participant

    My core values, Love, integrity, kindness, authenticy, courage, health, justice, spirituality, creativity, truth, financial responsibility. I avoided this chapter for several days as I knew it was going to take me deeper and would require me to go deep within. Alcohol abuse and by allowing others values and other thinking has pulled me away from me and my core values. Creativity is a big one for me. I am very creative and it was not valued in my family; only hard sciences. Getting back to my creativity is the biggest value that I lost over the years that I am reclaiming. I am very talented and gifted in this area and it brings me joy to personally embrace who I am and own my creativity. Health, financial responsibility, and justice are also the values that I am particularly focusing on now as well. Thank you all for sharing and being a part of this community. I am alcohol free now 3 weeks now – consecutively. I Feel very good but my progress. At the same time I have been thinking about how this fact confronts my own denial – if I did not have a alcohol problem; why would it take so much work to reframe from alcohol for three week; only 21 days. I have an alcohol problem that has impacted every area of my life. I am thriving in sobriety and working this program and will continue to thrive! This is my commitment to myself. Thank you for listening to my process and experience.

  • #8605

    Participant

    The core values solution really hit home. And it took me a few days to come to terms with the fact that I have been living a life that was not aligned with my core values.

    My core values that I wrote down immediately are love, happiness, family, friendship, loyalty, connection, security, being a role model, mentor, teacher and a coach, inspiring and helping others and being valued and respected.

    Most of my life I lived those core values and I was proud of myself and I was a person who was very much loved and respected. I moved to a new community a few years ago and I faced a terrible, tragedy within 3 weeks. I was all alone and responded to the event by drinking. The people there did not know me and they saw me at my worst. After that, I felt like a person who was not respected and valued for the first time in my life. The last three days, I felt fear that someone who had seen during that time in my life might say something negative about me and that it might damage my professional reputation.

    It took a couple of days but I got over the fear. I am still that same person I have always been and right now, I am living a life that is aligned with my values. I don’t even live in that community any more. I am excited about my future for the first time since then. All I have to be is believe in myself, remain committed to the program and live a life that is aligned with my core values. It feels good to feel good about myself again. Everything is going to work out.

  • #8643

    Participant

    I have a lot to work on, still trying to grasp what my core values are. But for the moment…
    Freedom- my drinking kept me from reaching for something better in my life. How can I contribute to the greater good of the universe if I have put up a wall (a jail) of drinking to deal with stresses? Why would I want to stop life, stop the good that can happen?

    My new vision statement:
    I live a vibrant, passionate, meaningful and sober life where I am helpful and actively contribute to the greater good of the universe by expressing my kindness, humor, patience, and peace.

  • #8656

    Participant

    CORE VALUES
    ACCOUTABILIY– I like to think of myself as an accountable person, a responsible person. But I have said
    this before to myself and others= ‘I would not have done that if I was sober’ Drinking too much lead
    me to behave like that.
    FRIENDSHIP– I treasure my friends and wish I had more. Wishing I had more friends makes me think that I
    have chosen alcohol over friends and not realize it.
    STRENGTH,COURAGE– I know I have a lot of strength. But sometimes alcohol has more strength. I seem to
    always give into the pull that alcohol has had over me. My courage seems to go like this= I’ll quite
    tomorrow.
    INTEGRITY– I know I have made decisions while intoxicated that has compromised my integrity. Has left
    me feeling ashamed.
    HONESTY– being honest about how much and how often I drink. Honest with love ones and with myself. Being
    honest with myself that it is a problem and that I have to do something because it is costing more than
    I ever wanted drinking to cost me.
    LOVE– Alcohol has cost me love. Love from relationships. Love from life. And love from myself.

  • #8658

    Participant

    NEW VISION STATEMENT

    Thriving for Sobriety fills me with Sunlight! I have the Courage to Appreciate my Beauty, Confidence and Intelligence. I live a Healthy, Honest Life full of Happiness!

  • #9185

    Participant

    Updated Vision Statement:

    I LOVE operating in a peak performance state: mentally, physically, spiritually, and emotionally. Operating in a peak state gives me the STRENGTH to take the action steps necessary to build a SUCCESSFUL business that SERVES my COMMUNITY, a HEALTHY body, and an EXCITING life that is full of GRATITUDE, APPRECIATION, WEALTH, FUN, & FREEDOM!

  • #9542

    Participant

    My core values, and how drinking affects them –

    Authenticity – When I drink to excess, it takes me further away from being the person I want to be, and violates values that are important to me, like health, honesty and integrity.
    Freedom – When I drink to excess, it feels like I’m acting freely to ‘do whatever I want to’; however, I’ve settled on drinking my myself at home, which feels like the opposite of freedom – it feels like being trapped in a self-imposed prison.
    Friendship – When I drink to excess, it robs me of so much of my time and energy, that it severely interferes with my ability, and desire, to be there for friends. It’s all about me, and my gratification. It has a severely detrimental effect on other values that are important to me, such as loyalty, honesty and authenticity. How can I be a good friend to my friends when I let myself down in that way?
    Fun – When I drink to excess, the activity ‘tricks’ me into thinking it’s fun, because I look forward to it and it gives me a high to start off with. But over time, it’s the opposite of fun: it makes me depressed, isolated, morose, self-pitying, selfish, and prevents me from being able to engage in genuinely fun things that I would prefer to be doing.
    Health – When I drink to excess, it ruins both my physical health and my mental health.
    Love – When I drink to excess, it’s one of the worst things I can do to myself in virtually every respect possible; it’s therefore the opposite of loving myself. It also makes it practically impossible to love anybody else, or create or attract loving people or experiences into my life.
    Peace – When I drink to excess, it’s the opposite of being at peace, especially the day after. It generates feelings of immense tension, guilt and shame, and fuels feelings of anger and resentment towards others.
    Respect – When I drink to excess, I lose respect for myself and because I feel lousy it’s harder for me to respect other people as well. Life becomes solely about meeting my own needs.
    Security – When I drink to excess, it dominates my emotional and physical state, sometimes for days afterwards. This makes it almost impossible for me to feel secure, or to take action towards other things in order to create a more secure life for myself.
    Spirituality – When I drink to excess, it takes me further away from God. Drinking to excess is the opposite of spirituality, and gets in the way of many of the things that are important to me in order to think that I’m living the spiritual life that I want.

    This has been one of the toughest exercises for me to do, seeing how far drinking has contributed to me veering off course from my core values, things that I thought were important to me. It’s upsetting to face this realisation, but helpful too, as it reminds me what we stand to gain from making this change.

    Matt

  • #9655

    Participant

    I picked:
    1. Vulnerability
    2. Courageous
    3. Generous
    4. Authentic
    5. Achievement
    6. Adventure
    7. Passion
    8. Influence
    9. Spirituality
    10. Love (self-love & love for others)

    One of my SMART goals that I made was “I will have started three sober activities that make me happy.” I have now changed it to “I will have started three sober activities that reflect the love I have for myself, regardless of how vulnerable I will feel when I begin them.”

    Reviewing my goals again, I decided on my three activities that I have been meaning to do but just never have gotten around to.
    1. Join a yoga class – spirituality, love
    2. Go back to Toastmasters – achievement, influence
    3. Begin at-home therapy through my DBT workbooks – vulnerability, courageous

    Feeling good on Day 10!!
    Katie

  • #9656

    Participant

    I picked:
    1. Vulnerability
    2. Courageous
    3. Generous
    4. Authentic
    5. Achievement
    6. Adventure
    7. Passion
    8. Influence
    9. Spirituality
    10. Love (self-love & love for others)

    One of my SMART goals that I made was “I will have started three sober activities that make me happy.” I have now changed it to “I will have started three sober activities that reflect the love I have for myself, regardless of how vulnerable I will feel when I begin them.”

    Reviewing my goals again, I decided on my three activities that I have been meaning to do but just never have gotten around to.
    1. Join a yoga class – spirituality, love
    2. Go back to Toastmasters – achievement, influence
    3. Begin at-home therapy through my DBT workbooks – vulnerability, courageous

    Feeling good on Day 10!!
    Katie

  • #10041

    Participant

    Core Values Past behaviour under alcohol influence

    creativity superficial creativity
    patience lack of patience, sadness, anger and bullying
    tolerance intolerance
    health weight, blackouts, senior moments, back pain, poor sleep, hand trembling
    peace sadness, anger and bullying
    wisdom blackouts, senior moments
    freedom under the influence
    love superficial intimacy
    passion suspended or superfical passion
    spirituality suspended or superfical spirituality
    truth superficiality

    Vision Statement with Core Values

    I feel the joy of healthy, clear, creative, peaceful, energetic, truthful, loving, passionate connection with my life

    Smart Goals with Core Values

    peacefully and passionately weigh 202 lbs by day 30 sobriety through wisdom and patience
    peacefully and passionately weigh 198 lbs by day 40 sobriety through wisdom and patience
    submit 2nd scientific paper with wisdom, love, truth, passion and creativity

    organize Europe trip with creativity, patience, health, peace, wisdom, freedom, love, passion and spirituality

  • #11463

    Participant

    My Vision:
    I embrace sobriety as my standard for thriving
    in life. I am responsible for my actions, health,
    and happiness. I am in control, relying on
    myself to achieve the love, respect, and
    success I deserve.
    My Goals:
    1. I will have stayed sober for 33 days by 6/12/16,
    2. I will read from the solutions, take action, and journal daily,
    3. I will review my vision and forgiveness affirmation daily,
    4. I am willing to forgo short term pleasure to ensure long term
    success and immense pleasure.

  • #11955

    Participant

    I have, written on a piece of paper from a wellness seminar that I attended, ” I am a free, powerful woman sharing fierce loyalty and joy”. This phrase truly did resonate with me but I vaguely was aware that I didn’t really feel it all the way through. Now that I’ve admitted to myself that I have a drinking problem, I know I was only half-heartedly living up to that. My values are honesty, integrity, loyalty, fun, curiousity, learning, love,compassion and accountability. Getting a handle on my problem that was sucking the life out of me is making me wide-eyed and curious about the world again. Thank you Dave Andrews.

  • #12439

    Participant

    I always knew that I needed to do better, so this was just a reinforcement for me. Everyone of my core values has been devalued but I also knew that prior to performing this action step – that is what caused my depression.

  • #12815

    Participant

    Day 10 – The Core Values

    Core Values:
    Peace, Health, Creativity, love, privacy, security, happiness.
    Drinking has compromised each and everyone one of my core values. When I’m drunk, I am not at peace. I try to surround myself with peaceful things but my life is in turmoil when I drink.
    I really believe in a healthy lifestyle, but when I’m drinking, I’m sick with hangover’s, upset stomach for the first half of the morning. Sometimes I throw up and I have awful headaches. My blood pressure runs high and I take my medicine and drink. Sometimes I have been surprised that I woke up the next morning. Although I don’t drink and drive, I drive to work hungover still puttting my life and other lives at risk. I am ashamed of the health risks I have taken.
    When I am drinking, I have no creativity. I have no energy. I spend half the day sick, and I don’t start feeling better until afternoon each day, only to start drinking after work and starting the cycle all over again.
    I’m a very private person, but when I’m drinking, I have been know to get online and posts things that I would never post sober.
    Security is important to me, but when I’m drinking, I have passed out on the floor several times leaving all my back windows wide open. By the grace of God, I have been kept safe!
    Happiness; well that goes without saying much. When I’m drinking, I am miserable, guiltridden, sad, lonely, and ashamed.
    I have sabotaged every relationship I’ve had due to my drinking. I say very offensive things, and I try to end dates as soon as I can so I can go home alone and drink. I don’t drink socially, so when I’m out on dates (and very few), I make excuses so I can go home and drink. I really want love in my life, but I push people away because I don’t feel worthy of love, I don’t deserve love, and I’m not lovable. -This was the ‘old’ me.

  • #13233

    Participant

    I spent over four days in all on this as it felt so important; I was journalling and the insights just kept deepening. I’m aware that my values may change over time and I could go on thinking about them even more – but I don’t want to put off posting them any longer. I really appreciate the value of this solution and have greatly enjoyed reading other people’s posts. May we continue to inspire one another!

    My Core Values (as at 24/8/16)
    1. Comfort (confidence, health, friendship, routine, financial security)
    2. Authenticity (self-respect, integrity, self-awareness, presence)
    3. Intimacy (affection, vulnerability, honesty, loyalty, sharing, challenge)
    4. Passion (intensity, stimulation, curiosity, engagement)
    5. Inspiration (excitement, novelty, learning, growth)
    6. Spirituality/Connectedness (acceptance, gratitude, wonder, Nature, sacredness, service, community)
    7. Awareness (self-examination, curiosity, growth, adventure)
    8. Caring (compassion, kindness, fairness/justice, generosity)
    9. Autonomy (novelty, creativity, wildness, self-regulation)
    10. Playfulness (humour, spontaneity, joyfulness, celebration)

    • #13256

      Participant

      Woah I really like your core values and how you grouped them soulseeker10. Think I’ll just copy yours! I agree today day 10 core value solution feels like the most valuable and important day yet. This really resonates with me, more so than my vision statement or before and after Me. It totally reminds you of who you are at heart and you can clearly see that drinking conflicts with most of the key elements of the person that you strive to be. But it’s not depressing or defeating to learn this because you’ve been sober for 10 days and can now feel some of your old self. it seems so simple that all you have to do is keep being sober and you will get all the way back to your best self and living an honest healthy life. Keep going, you’re on the absolute right track. And by You, I mean me. And everyone else on this journey. 🙂

      • #13258

        Participant

        Thanks for the reply Waterhorse. It’s good to hear from people and realise our posts are getting read and we’re helping one another towards thriving in sobriety.I had a bit of a dip after the joy of getting clear about my core values (these 3 days are helping me face stuff I’ve been avoiding even in recovery). And that’s progress! I’m so grateful for how well this 30 Day process has been worked out. I know I’ll stick with it but am also going to easy with myself if I get behind a day or three. My experience is that doing the processes anything like thoroughly takes time. But it’s one of my SMART goals so am confident I’ll get there in the end.
        Blessings to all on this journey.

      • #14748

        Participant

        Thanks for posting this soulseeker, now I know how to arrange my core values. I was having a hard time whittling down the list–I had started to group them like you did but was concerned that I would not be “doing it right” — BIG HEAD’S UP to one of MY BIG ISSUES, huh? So anyway thanks again for putting this format out there; now I see it is okay for me to do it this way and my list will look a LOT like yours when I am done 🙂

        • #14749

          Participant

          Really glad my list was helpful to you, Joliecler. Isn’t it great how we can help each other through these forums? Am now working on Day 23 (having had to take a few days out for work and house-selling priorities). The 30 Day Solution is giving me both the insights and tools for personal development that I haven’t found elsewhere in recovery. The 12 Steps have their place but this really gets to the heart of things and helps me become conscious of what, if unaddressed, can lead me (or any of us) to relapse. Big thanks to Jack and Dave!

    • #118457

      Participant

      Your post really hit home for me. Thank you🙂

  • #13493

    Participant

    This was an excellent exercise for today. It’s Friday of a 3-day weekend and there have definitely been some moments when I felt the desire to have a drink. Luckily I kept myself busy all day and then sat down to do this exercise.

    Although I focused on the 10 core values I hold closest, the #1 is my health and fitness. There is nothing I could do to jeopardize and destroy it more than drink regularly and/ or too much. That will be the easiest one for me to reflect on in times when I have a desire to drink. Though I have felt those twinges today I have been so excited at how much better I am feeling and the fact that I’m getting my workouts and eating habits back on track. It feels really good and is clear just how much I slipped away from my true self. I have been thinking all week how nice it will be to have a healthy, active and productive 3-day weekend so that is what I will focus on.

  • #14082

    Participant

    A great exercise but definitely the longest homework I have experienced so far in the book. Took me 1.5 hours to complete.

    But you really learn alot about yourself, I am very grateful for these instructions and it gives me a glimpse of how perfect my life would be if I was completely aligned with my core values all the time.

  • #14669

    Participant

    Hmm, I was under the impression that the 30 day vision statement was about where you wanted to be at the end of 30 days. I did a New You vision statement for a year and for 5 years from now. My 30 day (well 60 since I’m doing the 60 day plan) statement was real simple. It went like, I am much more comfortable and confident in sobriety. I have learned many powerful techniques for maintaining and thriving in sobriety. That’s it. Then I was under the impression that My goals were to be written around that. So they went like this I will have completed the program and have over 120 days continuous sobriety by Dec 3d 2016. I started with over 60 days already
    2. I will have read the material, done the action steps and journaling which have taught me powerful techniques for thriving in sobriety by Dec 3d 2016.
    3.I will say the words I am comfortable, confident and thriving in sobriety and I love myself as affirmations daily until Dec 3d 2016.
    Then after tying this in with my core values, this is how it looked:
    1. I responsibly have completed the program and happily have over 120 days sobriety. I have shown integrity and dependability by reading, doing the action steps, journaling, learning and practicing powerful techniques for thriving in sobriety
    I am secure in knowing that I am much more comfortable,confident and thriving in sobriety. So that’s what I came up with. Pretty basic, by the book and simple. Do-able by the time I complete this program.
    A-ha moment was realizing that the real reason I wanted to quit drinking in the first place was that I wasn’t living in accordance with my core values. Couldn’t have put a finger on it as such, but that’s it. 90 days today!

    • #15084

      Participant

      Congrats! That puts you at 4 months and some extra today!!! 🙂

      • #15086

        Participant

        Yeah, 122 to be exact. I’ve been doing the 60 day version of the program and I’m on the 2d day of day 26. This program is great as I’m sure you know. Drinking days seem like a long time ago now. Like, damn who was that guy? Lol! I will say this, I put in every bit of the work and definitely have benefited from it. As to the question you have about the Core Values, I just went with the ones I have now, even if my drinking wasn’t allowing me to live in accordance with them. One thing I’ve tried to keep in mind, since that earlier post I made, was to not worry too much about getting the Action Steps perfect. Just did the best I could, but did them. That old doubt tried to creep in, with stuff like, “If you don’t get this perfect, you’ll drink again”. I saw that kind of thinking for what it is, Bullsh-t. Watch out for that kind of thinking! Thanks for your post!! Here’s to us Thriving in Sobriety

  • #15083

    Participant

    I am struggling with this one. It says to not pick what I “should have, want to have or need to have” but “what actually matters to me.” I believe if I think I should have or need it that would matter to me??? Also I have been abusing substances since 12 which makes me worried because 1:I do not have a great memory of my childhood and thoughts then.. 2: Was my core established then or later in life while I was abusing alcohol?? 3: I was raised Christian which I am no longer so some “core” beliefs would be drastically different than established years ago. 12yo-27yo with maybe 1.5 years of sobriety mixed in there so any helpful advice/speculation would be much appreciated. I want to get all I can out of this program 🙂

  • #15205

    Participant

    My Core Values:
    Happiness Healthiness Honesty Success Forgiveness
    Generosity Learning Family Optimism Calmness

    Day 10 Updated 30 Day Vision Statement Incorporating My Core Values:

    I am grateful to wake up every morning to a sober, happy, healthy, successful and meaningful life. I am focused on only speaking honestly and positively of myself and others in my life. I am continuing to learn about my faith and spiritual journey, placing forgiveness and calmness at the forefront of my thinking, praying and meditating, and I know this will reveal, manifest and deliver all that I need to pursue my unique purpose. I am truly joyful, optimistic and excited about life. My relationships with family, friends and business partners are more loving, generous, supportive and a genuine source of universal good. I am Preset! I am well! I am Free!

  • #15339

    Participant

    This is a really great exercise to do. Might be my favorite so far, although the Time Travel Exercise in Day 1 is very close.

    FREEDOM – definitely my #1. When I would travel I would always have to remember to pick up some wine, have some around, organizing my evenings around having a few drinks. It’s enslaving.
    WISDOM – I respect good decision making, objectivity and thoughtfulness. Drinking leads to none of that.
    GENEROSITY – I’d sometimes get overly generous after a couple of drinks (with my words!). Could have more $$ to give if I didn’t spend so much on alcohol and food.
    SPIRITUALITY – I value the nudges and promptings I get to do things for people or say encouraging and uplifting things. I don’t trust those when I drink anything.
    RESILIENCE – being able to adapt and be quick and responsive to situations. Not good when drinking.
    OPENNESS – opinionated, closed people really irritate me. I become an opinionated person after drinking at times.
    STRENGTH – being calm, indifferent, confident and stable in any situation… reduced after drinking.
    INFLUENCE – being able to communicate ideas clearly, persuasiveness, rapport building. This goes off track if drinking.

  • #15489

    Participant

    This was the list I came up with initially and I have been filling in the effects of drinking since last night. I have more than 10 here, but this is how I always defined who I was, and over the past 18 months I see a huge slip away from who I claim to be. This solution has really focused my goals and made me realize this is an important step in my life to being the person I am meant to be.
    Friendship – I only honor the friends I can drink with and I avoid the others.
    Happiness – I am unable to be happy because alcohol is a depressant and I have drank so much in the past year that it affects mood significantly.
    Humor- It’s not funny anymore, but just really sad. The movie moment activity made me realize this pretty quickly.
    Fun -I used to drink as a part of having fun, but now it makes so many situations less than fun because I drink too much and am hungover often, not just once or twice a year like it used to be.
    Joy – There is nothing joyful about it anymore, it has robbed many moments of joy.
    Loyalty -Specifically drinking has affected my relationship with my husband. I have been in situations where I do things that I wouldn’t want him to know that compromise our relationship due to my drinking.

    Health My drinking has ruined my fitness and ideal weight. I am 15 lbs over weight due to my drinking and inability to stop.
    Self-reliance
    Strength – Drinking makes me tired, it makes me weak, it makes me feel like I need to take the easy way out in many situations.
    Wisdom-There is nothing wise about drinking yourself to death, which is essentially what I am doing.
    Courage – Drinking is taking the easy way out. It keeps me from dealing with my problems.
    Generosity- it’s a selfish act. Drinking affects my family, my students, and everyone else around me.
    Integrity – I don’t do what I say I am going to do often because drinking takes priority. I think this violates this value because drinking causes me to make choices that keep me from my priorities and what is most important to me.
    Passion – my passion for everything I used to believe in has declined because all I care about is the feeling I get when I start drinking each day.

  • #15616

    Participant

    These are all great and a lot of mine are similar but one thing that really resonated with me is that I am embarking on a new project which I have been working towards most of my adult life and it is finally a reality and is very much in the public eye. My core values are what have got me this far and I’m proud of my accomplishments yet I know that I have danced with the devil drink wise on many occasions but just didn’t get caught or recognized. One public episode of this conflict of core values could easily sink all the hard work I have put in and my respect and credibility will be lost forever.
    I’m more committed than ever to living out these values and realizing my dream.

  • #16029

    Participant

    To better reflect the core values of Health, Creativity, Harmony, Kindness, Spirituality, Family, Dependability, I honed my Vision Statement: I wake up eager for the day, simmering with vitality and ideas, ready to connect with my family and the world at large cheerfully. At days’ end, I am calm and relaxed, satisfied with all I have done. Thank You!

    This has been an eye-opener, first to discover that I actually have core values and what they are, and how far from living them I am when I drink. I’m not healthy or kind or pleasant to be around when I’m hungover; my friends and family can’t rely on me to show up if I’d rather be drinking; I am tense waiting, waiting, waiting for “happy hour;” and I get so depressed thinking of all the time I waste just sitting on the couch drinking that I forget to be grateful for what I have. I so much more want to be the person who lives Paragraph A.

  • #16102

    Participant

    Core Values -Past behaviour under alcohol influence*

    creativity -superficial creativity *
    patience -lack of patience, sadness, anger and bullying*
    tolerance -anger and bullying*
    health weight, blackouts, senior moments, back pain, poor sleep, hand trembling*
    peace -sadness, anger and bullying*
    wisdom -blackouts, senior moments*
    freedom -under the influence*
    love -superficial intimacy even with friends and associates*
    passion -suspended or superfical passion*
    spirituality -suspended or superfical spirituality*
    truth -superficial truth*

    Vision Statement with Core Values

    I feel the joy of healthy, clear, creative, peaceful, energetic, truthful, loving, passionate connection with my life

    Smart Goals with Core Values

    peacefully and passionately weigh 205 lbs by day 17 sobriety through wisdom, patience and resolve
    peacefully and passionately weigh <200 lbs by day 42 sobriety through wisdom, patience and resolve
    peacefully and passionately weigh <188 lbs by day 90 with normal body mass index and excellent liver and blood chemistry via sobriety through wisdom, patience and resolve

  • #17246

    Participant

    How drinking has impacted my Core Values:
    Accountability…alcohol gives me an “I don’t care” attitude, thus no accountability
    Courage…alcohol sidelines me and erodes on taking courageous actions
    Creativity…alcohol eliminates it…my one-liner for alcohol is: NUMB AND DUMB
    Family…speaks for itself…problems at home, with wife, with harmony, joy, etc.
    Fun…not interested in fun things when drinking…drinking is masked as fun
    Happiness…alcohol takes happiness away and is replaced by numb and dumb
    Health…speaks for itself…health suffers…I watched it and lived it yet ignored it!
    Honesty…hiding my drinking, became worse over last several months…lying too
    Joy…obliterated by alcohol, masked as fun/joy initially…but ends far from it
    Passion…alcohol takes the mood away!
    Patience…directly related to apathy…more alcohol = less patience
    Reliability…not too much good in the morning with a severe hangover
    Self-reliance…hard to be that when I look into the mirror and see the effects left behind after a night of heavy drinking
    Spirituality…takes a toll here as well…basically apathy again!
    Strength…physically and mentally = both suffer ill effects of alcohol
    Tolerance…basically is gone after heavy drinking…prone to anger much more
    Wealth…lots of money gets drank and flushed, that could otherwise be saved

    • #17369

      Participant

      Thanks for the post @tallrob64 . Numb and Dumb is great ! It’s up there with “Stupid Juice” ! Onward, Sina

  • #18044

    Participant

    4 of my core values are spirituality, health, happiness, and respect.
    When I’m drinking I don’t care about spirtualiity. I stop doing the inner work to connect with myself, nature, and my higher power. All I care about is catching that next drunk experience at the bar.
    As for health well when I drink I eat like garbage so the beer on top of the unhealthy food eaten has made me put on a lot of weight. So much weight that I have family members telling me I got fat.
    As for happiness well I drink to feel happy. I go to the bar it starts out well but at the end of the night I’m drunk messaging people and when I’m sober I feel disgusted,ashamed, sad at the things I said to people.
    Respect well when I drink I lose all respect for people. Because when I’m drunk I say things to people that are vulgar. This is not the way I want to talk to people or represent myself

  • #18241

    Participant

    My list of care values:
    Spirituality, Adventure, Fun, Friends, Family, Natural Beauty, Intimacy, Education, Compassion, Nature, Humility.

    I can have no spiritual growth as long as I’m drinking. I’ll never be motivated enough to plan and execute a real adventure if I’m drinking. All my fun revolved around drinking, which means I couldn’t have fun without drinking, which mean drinking was stealing my ability to have fun doing anything else. I can’t really grow in relationships with friends and family if I’m emotionally stunted by drinking. I can’t really appreciate natural beauty or nature when I’m drinking because instead of seeing that beautiful sunset and letting it penetrate my soul, I’m just feeling a shallow buzz. I can’t retain new information as well or learn new things when I’m drinking almost every day. I can’t be compassionate when I’m drinking because I have no inner strength to draw from to give someone else if I’m a drunk. I can’t have real humility because I’m lying about who I am to the world when I drink too much and cover it up.

    Wow. This has been so powerful. I feel so cheesy saying this because I got this book out of desperation, but I am so grateful to be doing this. And I’m so grateful to read everyone else’s posts, mostly because I am amazed at how much I can relate to what everyone else is saying. Thank you guys for being here and sharing, thank you for helping me realize I’m not alone. Congrats to everyone on day 10!

  • #19004

    Participant

    I am on Day 10 of the program and day 13 of sobriety. I was a very heavy drinker. I have found the program to be so on target and the steps are perfectly positioned for success. The past few day’s action steps have brought me to tears. There is so much sadness for time “lost”. Yet, I have learned from that time and I am learning now. The core values exercise was especially sad to me when I finally acknowledged how my drinking was in conflict with each of them. I knew the truth of that but disregarded it in favor of another drink. Writing it down makes it real and something that can’t be swept under the rug. Thank you. Thank you for the book, the genuine love and compassion that went into it, and the website to supplement it all. I’ve had moments during these 10 days where I have been so proud of myself for choosing wisely and being honest and real with myself. I’ve also had moments where I have to repeat my new mantra “I am happy and excited that I am thriving in sobriety.” over and over. To me, the verb to thrive has many positive attributes. When I say I am thriving in sobriety, I also attribute all the other positive attributes to me as well (you have to be creative, aware, clear, flexible, resilient, respectful, etc to thrive – in my view). So, my mind and subconscious really get a dose of “You are awesome and amazing” when I claim that I am thriving in sobriety. How perfect is that?! Thank you for such a short, easy, and impactful statement. It has already “saved” me several times. Thanks to all who post here as well. This is new to me – to share in this way – but the sadness tells me I am FINALLY getting in touch with my feelings and allowing them space to surface and heal. Some of my realizations I’ve just written down and will delve into when I feel I can. But, even to have the clarity is amazing and so needed. I am in such gratitude. For everything…

  • #19101

    Participant

    I had never really thought about my core values until the day ten reading. Never. So finally doing this and honestly asking myself, “What exactly are your core values, Christene,” was eye opening. Here they are in no particular order:

    Dependability/reliability….you can count on me! Well, except after 6:00PM when I needed to be home for that first and probably second & third glass of something alcoholic

    Humor…I love to laugh and try to see the humor in everything…..I also used it to laugh off my drinking…

    Truth/honesty/integrity ……Oh I’m big on truth, honesty & integrity…. except when asked how much I drink, then that all went out the window!

    Love/family/friendship….the top of my core value list. These are the core values I crave the most.

    Day 9 at 100%!!

  • #20092

    Participant

    Family, Health, Achievement, Dependability, Generosity, Empathy, Wisdom, Authenticity, Influence, and Passion.

    I have never had any personal core values and this exercise really helped. I am on day 10 of program and about 13-14 days without drinking. I was a regular problem drinker. Sometimes heavy, sometimes not but it was only going in the wrong direction.

    My updated vision statement is below.

    I am passionate about starting each day feeling healthy and achieving much. I am a dependable, generous and empathetic family man who uses wisdom and authenticity to influence those around me.

  • #20269

    Participant

    My core values
    Love:- I can’t love my self, my family, and others if drink excessively.
    Health:-for diabetic drinking means hypoglycemia or hyperglycemia and that mean death
    Wealth:- How can I accumulate wealth when I waste money on booze and unhealthy food and unnecessary spending
    Family:- what does it means family value when I am not there when they need me, when they miss me every day because of my bad
    habit
    growth:- how can i grow when I am not learning the skill I need because of alcohol.

  • #20512

    Participant

    Authenticity: I was living a lie. I couldn’t and didn’t tell anyone what was really going on with me.

    Happiness: It suffered more and more as I bottled up traumas then poured alcohol on them. My generally optimistic and positive self has become cynical , negative and judgmental.

    Achievement: I was holding onto bare minimum and still doing a pretty darned good job. But knew I could be better and new I was hiding my best self. So I felt achievements were a lie..and accident.

    Fun: I didn’t want to hang out with people socially as I didn’t like who I was anymore. So I would stay home and drink instead

    Health: Good vibrant health as always been very important to me. I eat lots of veggies, I drink water, I’m good>> but it was another lie. I did those things, but I also was being very toxic to my self in drink and thoughts. I was always so scared of being found out of my hypocritical ways. But the more I gained weight and started looking more like crap, I had no where left to hide. The person I was practicing at being most…the Not me, the other me, the Dark me…was showing through. So I had to avoid people even more. They don’t deserve that version of me

    Openness: I was not being honest with myself or others

    Strength: My physical strength started to suffer and I’ve always been strong. The weakness would appear as apathy, lethargy, as a heavy stuck emotion in my joints and muscles. I was afraid to by too physical sometimes. Afraid the activity would release an emotion and I would burst.

    Truth:>>>>>

    Lies

    These are lies
    all lies
    and these are
    the deaths
    in all the eyes

    though the truth may be
    painful at times
    that it’s told

    nothing scars
    like the devil
    and nothings as cold
    our brains will
    short circuit and we’ll
    fizzle out old

    cause the truth
    will not kill us

    like the lies
    that unfold.

    Wisdom: The coming and going of a Foggy brain doesn’t make for the best Wisdom. However, experience does. So though the wisdom function has perhaps been hibernating, but as it re-emerges it will have even more than before

    Excitement: My brain and emotions had completely dulled out. I could still have fun, but I was viewing the world through Ethyl glucuronide eyes

    Freedom: I think I drank as a freedom illusion, or that was part of it’s start. The “you can’t tell me I can’t drink, you can’t take this away from me” when my former profession was trying to control me into what I could and couldn’t do, when they were judging, when society was judging because I was “bad”. So it was control at first, I had the thoughts, I remember the thoughts, “I can drink if I want to, you can’t take this away from me” and they didn’t and no one did

    Love: Love as a form of attachment is not real love. It is neediness and possession. I’m not sure where alcohol did or didn’t play here. I know I have abandoned romantic love as I don’t trust it to be any more that my first statement. But I am embracing Universal Love.

    Passion: I didn’t know what a passion was anymore. I was just darkness and getting by. I’m taking the Passion Test and will hopefully get a better clue here. Alcohol definitely did not guide me towards any passions

  • #20514

    Participant

    Wow @lolo_flower ! That is one heartfelt post. Sounds like you are willing to do the work needed for this Thriving in Sobriety and Life business!
    Think about starting your own Topics and posting in the most recent topic on each day’s Solution to be connected with others on the same day as you as well as people currently active on the Forums.
    Onward! Sina

  • #20647

    Participant

    My core values are:
    honesty: I have always been brutally honest. I have always prided myself with being an honest person. I don’t like to be lied to so I don’t like to lie. But I was hiding my drinking and that’s essentially a lie. Even though I didn’t talk about it, I was still a closet drinker and hiding it from my family.
    Integrity and honesty go hand in hand but its my core value also.
    Wealth: I was throwing away money every week on booze. Money I could have put on a credit card.
    Health: My health started to suffer and that was my wake-up call. I get those little pangs in my liver that’s telling me to stop it. The incredible headaches that 3 or 4 Tylenol cant cure and the diarrhea.
    friendly: I have always been a nice and friendly person. I feel guilty when I’m hung over and I try to hide from my coworkers instead of my usual cheery self. I feel like I reek of alcohol and I’m afraid they can smell it.
    love: I had a hard time finding love when I was drinking. I’m finally very excited about my love life and I don’t want to damage it with alcohol.
    family: I cherish my family. I have 3 wonderful successful daughters that I have raised on my own. I don’t want them to see me drinking.
    strength: I have always been a strong woman. My strength has started to wither away with drinking. Its made me feel weak and hopeless.

  • #20851

    Participant

    Wow lolo_flower. Your core values interpretation was very aligned with me. I hope you are doing well. Thank you for the post.

  • #119470

    Participant

    I don’t normally post things but I have seen so much value from the openness of others. I think it is a real helpful support system and if just one thing resonates with someone else then it is all worthwhile. I am on day 10 core values and day 20 AF. Here are my core values and how drinking has contradicted them.

    1. Health – well I haven’t felt well for some time and how could I if I am poisoning myself with alcohol. You know that alcohol is a killer and yet you pour it down your throat? It makes no sense.
    2. Fitness – I love fitness and even though I keep up with exercise I am way over what I want to weigh. My self image is so different from what I see in the mirror. I want myself back!
    3. Belonging (family, friends, relationships) – I feel close with my relationships but drinking does isolate me to the point where I will turn away and chose to drink by myself or chose to drink too much at events so that I am not really effectively participating. What? Why would I want this?
    4. Happiness (love, intimacy, openness, thankful, grateful, peaceful, relaxed) – Drinking is no longer fun. It creates anxiety, anger, hangovers, ill feelings. It makes me avoid things I don’t want to avoid and does not make me feel grateful, peaceful or relaxed.
    5. Dependable (loyal, reliable, responsible, kind) – I pride myself on being dependable. If you can count on anyone, you can count on me. Drinking takes that away from me. Hard to wake up with a hangover and give 100%. Such a disappointment to feel that way.
    6. Competent – like dependability, I think that drinking compromises my competency.
    7. Success – How can I be successful when I am a slave to the thought of how do I get my next drink. I hate that morning thought of “I am not drinking today” only to be pouring a glass of wine hours later. Or the “I will quit tomorrow or next week, just one more day and then I can quit”. NO. Get on with it and do it now.
    8. Fun – not so much fun anymore especially the times that you don’t remember the next day.
    9. Self-control – I have always prided my self on self-control. Work, study, exercise, eating right. I feel this slipping away with drinking and really want this back.
    10. Trust (respect, fairness) – I want people to trust what I say. I want to trust myself. I don’t trust that person who can sneak down and pour an extra drink.

    • #119709

      Participant

      Thx you pattaya. Super helpful.

  • #119471

    Participant

    I love these core values very much. They make life sound worth living. Congratulations pattaya on grabbing this bull by the horn! You will get your wonderful life back! I feel invigorated reading your post! -k

  • #119838

    Participant

    I had to spend some time thinking about what my core values are….Very interesting exercise!

    My top core values and how alcohol consumption violates them:

    1) creativity: initially alcohol gives the illusion of making one more creative…but the opposite is true. Drinking sabotages creativity
    2)health: no health benefits to alcohol. Despite the hype over red wine, no doctor is going to recommend that someone start drinking for health reasons. Alcohol consumption interfers with sleep, liver functioning; contributes to dehydration, ulcers, weight gain
    3)happiness: while alcohol creates (for me) a nice happy glow, that is short-lived. Alcohol is a depressant and therefore ultimately a happiness killer
    4) integrity: lying and covering up my drinking violates my integrity, creating conflict
    5) peace: by self-medicating with alcohol, I do not honour myself by seeking an authentic way to achieve inner peace
    6) love: alcohol interfers with friendships, family, romantic relationships…and is a barrier to self-love (which is necessary if we are to fully love others) as alcohol consumption tends to create self-loathing
    7) nature: My love of nature is devalued by alcohol consumption…I’ve missed out from fully experiencing nature when that experience is mediated by alcohol…when experienced through the fog of alcohol

  • #119847

    Participant

    Good morning, darkcitydame … your post got me on the right foot this morning as I was waking up, enjoying my coffee, and happy to see so many thoughtful posts. Hope you don’t mind that I made a copy of this post because I’d like to read it often. It is exactly right!! Have a wonderful day! -k

  • #119873

    Participant

    Thanks for your post darkcitdame. Your core values are similar to mine. Your 1,2,3,5, and 6 are same as mine. I also included gentleness, privacy, peace (I was blessed to have lunch with Peace Pilgrim on day in college in 1970 in Nebraska as she was walking through the state).
    She spoke to our Psychology class in the morning and I was invited by the Professor to lunch with him, her and a couple of other students. Her presence, message and gentleness has always stuck with me. I tear every time I think of her mission, her dedication, her humbleness(simplicity), her calm and her genuineness.
    She was vegitarian and said because she did not eat meat all the animals respected her and no animal ever threatened her as she walked America for PEACE. She had one smock she wore, one apron, one pencil one miniautre spiral notebook, thin white anklets, one comb and bobby pins, and a pair of white keds sneakers. All her needs were easily and effortlessly met according to her. She did not pack food, but often missed a day or two without food. People gave her clothing, shelter,food and support as she walked from town to town criscrossing America for several years. She did not call herself Peace Pilgrim, only called herself Peace. Others coined the name Peace Pilgrim. She was from Southern California and felt the calling one January 1st at the Rose Bowl parade to march out of the Bowl stadium behind a marching band and begin at that instant to continue walking in the name of Peace. She did not go home that day, but as she felt guided, made the roads and ditches of rural America her new home. She weathered cold, heat, rain, light snow and a future of uncertainty but always deep inner happiness. She stayed on the southern tier of the U.S. in winter and ventured North only in summer months. Nebraska is in the middle of the county and so that early October day she was walking towards the South from Omaha area towards Kansas.
    I was not planning to write this. It just came from my finger tips onto the screen. But, how does this relate to sobriety in any way?
    Is SOBRIETY sometimes a calling?
    Is it uncertain and not guaranteed?
    Do we try to do it alone? Do we do it without fanfare. Do we need marching bands, screaming fans, and cameras trained on us to wake up and find our True North? No. Quite the opposite. We need Peace and Quiet.
    We all have different reasons, seasons, and points in life when we deliberately and unequivocably put down the heavy plow and surrender to our 30 DAY call and start living on the path we were created in Love to follow.
    Today, I am older than most. I am in the wonderful 70’s. I am in my 11 Day. I have been sober 13 days. My history is not important here. However, darkcitydame, you are lucky whatever your age to be here. To be able to share your thoughts with us. In reality, I feel lucky that I read your writing and that it touched me to reply.
    Peace. Visually, that’s index and middle finger in a V. Peace Sign. This was enjoyable.

  • #120935

    Participant

    Just checking to see if this forum is still alive. I am on day 10. Going well, sad to see that no one is really using these forums…

    • #120939

      Participant

      Hi jarice197887,

      I’m here! Yeah me! And hi katballou and sina (other prolific site participants). Not too far ahead of you, Day 22 and still sober and following the plan all the way. I too have found the site and the forums lacking on what I feel I need (ie. content that was promised in the book, the ever present day 2 vision for your future self, instead of new content, that takes 20 min. of time that I don’t have in the midst of the work on the book and site, and the forum posts that don’t speak to me or the ones that do and then don’t answer, as if they gave up or are far forward from where I am, leaving me feeling alone. And most of all the feeling that every chapter is a sound byte for things so much deeper than can be accomplished in just one day) but I keep on keeping on, just because this site isn’t perfect doesn’t mean that the fantastic body of work isn’t powerful. I am still here and still doing the work. I have been privileged to work on most of the ideas in this book before in therapy and personal growth, so I think I have all the skills (and some of the solutions mastered ie. day 4 would have been impossible for me if I had not already worked intensively on forgiveness already) to finally put into place here. I am still hopeful that this is the answer and that I can still get that magic wand by the end to bonk me over the head, so I am DOING the WORK! I know the work never stops and that there is no magic wand but I’m on the home stretch and only 8 more days of this level of intensity and then…?? WOW! I just thought of a great visualization! The wand, The Magic Wand! Bonking me on the head and making it magically happen for me! I’m a gonna try it! Saying YES today to silliness, mind-power, hocus-pocus and new age wisdom. This will work! Thank you for being here jarice197887 Stay the course, it gets easier.

  • #120936

    Participant

    Hi jarice197887 … Yes, sometimes this site is quiet. Sometimes it’s quite active, though! That was a good post by david, just above yours.
    This program has worked for me this past year. And I’m probably not the best student! Still working on the book, but the parts I have done got the message through to me.
    If you want a more active site, you may want to try the Daybreak app. There is a constant stream of comments, so it’s like having a support group at you fingertips. It was one of the members here who mentioned it here on this site. It does cost $9.99 a month though. (The cost of the bottle of wine I didn’t have!).
    Good luck! Being dry is the best!
    -K

  • #121462

    Participant

    I haven’t entirely figured out how to respond to individual posts. But I have to say, This day 10 was by far the most interesting, as far as posts, and the most difficult for me. I hope the person who wrote the poem has creativity on the core values, cause that “value” was spot on.

  • #121610

    Participant

    My core values:
    1. MEANING – because one should seek meaningful pursuits first instead of showy, Instagram-worthy moments. Superficial happiness is easy, and empty. A meaningful life may be hard work but it leads to happiness through a sense of accomplishment and worth.
    2. Authenticity – organizing my home, life, goals, and activities to support and reflect my core values.
    3. Creativity – through music, literature, writing, knitting, crochet, and maker skills
    4. Self-reliance – a key core value for me, because I cannot stand the thought of imposing on others. I would rather gain wealth and security through my own hard work, not through the manipulation of others. I like to provide for my family. I don’t like spending too much and having to ask my husband or others for help.
    5. LOVE and RESPECT – in all things: family, friends, daily interactions, work, use of resources, food, self-care and caring for others.
    6. Learning – recognize we never know everything. I will always keep learning and seeking to understand and acquire new skills and knowledge. To stop learning and exploring is to stop living. This is a growth mindset. Closely tied to Curiosity – never stop wondering and exploring
    7. Gratitude – for the extraordinary gift of life I’ve been given. My mother married young and was still a teen when I was conceived. Her mother didn’t believe she was ready for motherhood. Grandma told mom to get an abortion, my mom said. Thank God mom said no! When I view life through the lens of gratitude, my outlook changes dramatically.
    8. Spirituality – for self care and to keep me grounded in the larger view. God in all things. Celebrating and deepening my Christian beliefs rather than appropriating bits of other cultures as is the current fad. Ties with authenticity.
    9. Health – Health is a gift and must be cared for.
    10. Accountability – taking responsibility for my own choices and actions, personally, ethically, financially, and spiritually.

  • #121673

    Participant

    Day 10 Solutions were difficult. I jotted down in my journal on Day 1 that Resisting means that it needs to be done. I am exhausted after completing my solutions today. Very revealing. I’d like to share my revised vision statement:

    I am excited to be holding myself accountable.
    I am ready to feel healthier and have the respect for myself that I afford to others.
    I am empathetic to all that suffer or have suffered.
    This makes me proud of myself.
    I feel empowered.
    I have the tools to succeed.

  • #122062

    Participant

    I have been in such a low point for so long, just surviving to drink another day. I was hard pressed on the day 10 lesson to even think about core values. How long has it been? Just going through the list and remembering or trying to dredge out what my values are was difficult and to be honest a real awakening. How could I have let alcohol destroy my dreams and potential? Day 14 sober and I am resurrecting my Joy, Peace, Love, Spirituality and Creativity. Welcome back old friends. Thank God I found this program nothing else has worked for me. I can’t believe more people don’t use it.

    • #122064

      Participant

      Hi ajlamay17. It brings me joy to read your post. This IS a fabulous program. If you are able to find the “Site Wide Activity ” ( the way to access differs depending on whether you are on a device or computer) you’ll be able to see people currently on the program and interact/ get and give support to your fellow Sobriety Seekers!
      Onward! Sina

  • #7527

    I’m so happy to hear you’ve had your “aha” moment! Now, with the help of this program and this community, you can truly live your life in alignment with your beautiful core values.

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