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September 9, 2016 at 4:49 pm #13621Participant
Today I am working Day 22 (90+ days sober, working the 30 Day Solution for the first time, the 90 day option).
I found that there are many inspiring thoughts on courage:
– Fear and courage are brothers
– I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear
– Courage is the ability to do something that frightens one
The one I found that resonates with me today is:
– Courage is strength in the face of pain or grief
I have just lost a beloved family member to cancer. She had courage in the face of pain. She was brave, loving, and caring to the end which mercifully came quickly. I am thankful that I was able to spend a lot of time with her these past three months and be there at the end with her.
I now need to dig deep within myself and find courage in the face of my grief and loss. I hope that her example has taught me a little about courage.
In the past, I dealt with losses by getting drunk. Being sober I feel the full crushing pain of this loss; I can no longer bury the pain or my emotions and hide behind them with liquor.
God help me find my courage outside of the booze bottle.
September 9, 2016 at 5:41 pm #13622Participant
Thank you Cynthia for sharing here. Sina
September 12, 2016 at 5:28 pm #13671Participant
You do have the courage within Cynthia! 90+ days sober is a testament to that! Facing the pain of the loss of your family member without booze is the most wonderful tribute you can pay. Wishing you continued success in your sobriety & courageously facing your pain!!!
December 17, 2016 at 12:06 pm #15330Participant
How are you? I’m sorry for your loss. How eloquently you spoke of your family member.
I sure do hope you are doing well. To be able to take away a lesson in your grief is growth for sure.
The holidays can be tough…make sure you take care of yourself and kind to yourself.
God bless. Mb
January 27, 2017 at 9:50 pm #16098Participant
Thank you for your kind words and thoughts Mb.
Yes, the holidays were tough, not so tough for me for the not drinking because I feel so physically better sober and I never want to feel the way I did before. What was tough was the loss of my beloved that I spoke of. There were times I was really low and somehow I knew that drinking would only deepen my depression. Each day gets a bit better and I don’t want to go backwards. Take care, Cynthia.
February 5, 2017 at 1:34 pm #16210Participant
I am so glad you shared and I hope you’re feeling loved and hopeful during this time. My condolences <3
Congratulations for being sober 90+ days! Amazing.
I too have struggled with loss/death. My father passed 5 years ago and my sweet grandmother about a week and a half ago. I was only on week 2 of the program when she passed, and I really didn’t have an URGE to drink, it was mostly a habit of drinking I was most aware of that was just nagging at me.
I have stayed strong now 22 days and am on day 22 of the program.
Losing loved ones is so incredibly personal – there really isn’t anything anyone can say or do to make it ‘better.’ Hugs, love, and comfort food always help :)… but, It is a deep, and individual process that we must face and go through – and take all the time we need. Some days are harder than others, and the sadness is always there- lingering or crashing waves.
For me personally, I have found comfort in knowing that my dad and grandma are no longer suffering, and I truly feel inside of me, that they are in a better, wholesome place…smiling down. It’s just hard down here… everything changes when our loved ones pass on— nothing is the same.
I have found with grief, so much of my childhood memories -good and bad- come up with it. B/c you think back on all the past times and it stirs up some deep feelings down there we’ve suppressed. And like you said, I cannot keep running from these feelings by covering myself up with booze.
Experience the loss and let is soak. We must go through the bad times to experience the good.
One thing that’s helped me throughout this process, is realizing how much i have gone through- within my life, but also with my ‘addiction’ – it has taught me so much. And in my goals I made and within my vision statement, I am confident and proud of who I am today. Even if I slip up again down the way- which I very well may do! I am a positive role model to my friends, family, and those I come into contact with – b/c of my past, the pain and loss I’ve experienced, and the grief that comes with losing loved ones, and the pain of this addiction to alcohol.
But….I am thankful for it . For it all. B/c it’s made me a stronger person. This will make you stronger… and down the road…or even today at the grocery store– you and your experience could make an impact on someone who really needs you.
<3 keep up the good work.
February 6, 2017 at 12:19 am #16221Participant
Thank you for these thought provoking posts – grief is such a huge process to go through isn’t it and it is always there. I am on Day 22 as well and one of the fears I have is going to funerals and at 55 this is happening quite regularly I am saddened to say. For me, I am not only feeling the loss of the person whose funeral I am attending, but all my loved ones that I have lost along the way, including both my parents who I was very close to. But I force myself to go most of the time if I can and always come away at peace, feeling even more connected. So that solution today about saying yes is important for me to continually put front and centre. All the best with your journeys.
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