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April 15, 2017 at 9:12 pm #17299
Anxiety mounted all week heading into the holiday weekend, and I’m sure that is what lead to the struggles I felt today. During my drinking days, I would spend my entire Saturday working in the yard and would drink until the sun went down – and then some more. Today I struggled getting out there and became anxious. I came to do today’s action items in the book and the “relapse solution” wasn’t really what I needed. I was experiencing most of these triggers already so it didn’t help reading about them as well. I ended up getting in my car and going for a long drive to clear my head and reset. Getting back into routines that I loved to do while drinking is going to be very difficult.
April 16, 2017 at 8:16 am #17308Participant
brighterdays . . . I’ve struggled with the exact same dilemma of doing yard work and drinking. Ugg! That one has been a hard nut to crack at times and I agree that there are those times when the book just doesn’t cut it. But you found a great solution! That gives me some ideas for how to handle things when the inner pressure builds and words from the book, or anywhere else, aren’t the answer.
One of my takeaways from your post is to remember to rely & trust our inner instinct (the deep one that truly wants/needs/and is determined) to never return to old ways.
In the song Old Ways, by Neil Young he says: Old ways,
can be your ball
Well ain’t that just the way of it . . . but, now, now finally, we are finding New Ways . . . and they sure as heck matter, too.
Thanks a million!
April 16, 2017 at 4:16 pm #17325Participant
thank you everyone for your posts. I keep starting the program over and beating myself up for not getting very far. I respect and appreciate the books authors, and yet I just am not able to get through a day without drinking. I am struggling with a lot of loss, depression and anxiety(no excuse I know), and at times I honestly feel like I can’t even look at my e-mail, this site or make a phone call with out some wine. I was alcohol free a few times in my life, the longest for about 4 years. AA is fine, but the ritualistic reading from the big book every meeting, etc., really doesn’t seem to help me much. I am not sure exactly how this forum works, (I may not be posting in the appropriate area), So excuse my ignorance and thank you all for sharing.
April 16, 2017 at 5:09 pm #17326
@normasharon, this is definitely a process that is not easy. This is the second time that I have challenged myself to get sober. The first time, I went and spoke to my Dr. about my drinking and she wanted to put me through treatment that I refused to do. We compromised and she put me on Anabuse for 30 days, which turns out to be closer to 3 months of sobriety when it is in your system. I stayed sober for about a year and then thought that I could just go back to drinking on weekends, and that worked fine until the first weekend was over – and I began drinking every night again. It’s been 5 years now and I just began this program 15 days ago. The first part of this program is being 100% committed, which is supposed to take internal struggle to drink out of the equation. I would have never known what that felt like if I had not been on Anabuse in the past. Drinking was not an option on that drug and not drinking was easy. Creating that mindset this time around has been easier, because I have to get in the mindset that I will not drink today. I know everyone must approach this different, but sometimes I need to just get through the next five minutes without drinking, sometimes its just a few hours, other times its ok all day. Find your distraction, go for a walk, drive, listen to music super loud, go to a movie…do anything that will get you through. You can do this, we are all here for you.
April 16, 2017 at 5:12 pm #17327
April 17, 2017 at 10:30 am #17335Participant
brighterdays . . . thank you for your kind thoughts and words. I have found this forum very helpful. Some of us, like you, have been around the track more than once – not sure, but think I recall Sina and Matt W having a side trip or two and then getting right back to it – They and others have sure been an inspiration to continue. They always point to keeping after our main goal of making peace with the desire to have a drink.
So when you say: “sometimes I need to just get through the next five minutes without drinking, sometimes its just a few hours, other times its ok all day.” I totally relate. I’m trying to learn how to feel the feelings while not letting them take over. My guess is that the desire to flow off into the feelings that a drink provides can be achieved if we but learn how to access that part of ourself. I think maybe if we learn more about how to truly relax and let go of the stress we carry around we’ll have a better chance of finding it.
Glad you like the music. Check out this one, if you don’t know it: Rod Stewart – I am Sailing (on Youtube) In some ways we are all sailing stormy waters . . .
* * *
normasharon . . . when you say: “AA is fine, but the ritualistic reading from the big book every meeting, etc., really doesn’t seem to help me much” — Wow! Do I relate wholeheartedly to that one. Sadly, when I used to try and fit myself into that shoe, it was way, way, way too tight. I found that I started having a drink right before going. I found the repetition of the readings and the stories too depressing. I finally realized it was doing my soul more harm than good and so backed away. (And that is not to knock the good they are doing for many, many people. It just didn’t work for me.)
Like you, “I am not sure exactly how this forum works” — So I hope this one makes it to you. Sina says just keep clicking on things. What else can we do? Keep on clicking & . . .
Best going forward, Rico
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