Day 16 – struggling


This topic contains 9 replies, has 7 voices, and was last updated by

2 years, 2 months ago.

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  • #15015


    This is the first time I’ve ever posted into any forum! This book has and the activities have been life changing and helped me to reach 16 days sober.

    It has made me realise the reasons that I drink and helped me overcome a precious mentally and physically abusive relationship.

    I was frustrated with myself today as went for a trip to London and everyone around me in the bars seemed to be drinking and I felt myself being tempted and I thought I had become stronger … anyway I didn’t give in but one thing I can’t stop myself thinking is that I really miss the taste of the wine.

    I understand that you have to understand the why and work through it but how do you get past the craving of not the feeling it gives you but the enjoyment of the drink.

    Does anyone else ever feel like that? Any advice would be really appreciated. Thank you

  • #15022


    Hello Afree! Congratulations on your 100% commitment and reaching your 16th day (or maybe it’s your 17th day now)! I think that what jumps out at me most about what you wrote was that you were in a bar around other people who were drinking alcohol. How could you not be thinking about what you miss most about drinking wine? While you’re purging all of your old habits and thoughts and triggers, I think that it’s really important that you put yourself in the best position to succeed at thriving in your sobriety and achieving your goal. Give yourself the time and the space to get used to a sober life by refraining from spending time in bars if you find that this challenges you. I think that the cravings for the drinking life fade as your momentum of sobriety builds each day. Finding new activities and interests that support your fledgling sobriety will help ensure that you preserve what you’ve attained and where you want to be.

  • #15025


    I too had the same feelings around Day 16 as well. (I’m on Day 42 now) I made a list of things I promised myself I would do when the cravings came on and promised myself to do them. Things like, walk somewhere briskly for 20 minutes, grab a book, clean out a closet…silly little things like that and It really worked for me.

    This also worked for getting me through times when I was struggling….
    Work the program like you would a college course… Spend at least an hour a day with it and do all the exercises.
    Review your Vision Statement often and reach out on these boards often!

    Keep up the good work and contact me anytime to talk 🙂

  • #15029


    Thank you both for taking the time to respond and great advice, really appreciated and very helpful and motivating! 🙂

  • #15040


    Hi afree, I am in London myself and on Day 16 today, so just behind you. I’m glad to see there are some people posting currently. Good for you for staying strong in a bar! I agree, this book is life-changing.

  • #119547


    Hi @afree
    I too love(d) the taste of wine but recently I tasted tested a few and I lost my palate for it believe it or not.
    I think what we miss is how we romanticised loving wine. Objectively, it’s not that great until you start to get buzzed & then it tasted wonderful.
    What I do know, is drink other things I like. That can even be soup in a mug but more commonly sodas, juices, energy drinks, sparkling water etc.
    You’ll feel so much better that you won’t trade it.

  • #119563


    Good to know that you have lost your taste for wine. I am on day 28 and doing good but my weakness is wine and I am scared I will never lose that. Still hopeful though. Haven’t had a craving I couldn’t beat.

    • #119565


      @pattaya I don’t know about you but I used to have a cookie problem. Like a serious cookie problem, i.e., I was fat and cookies were the culprit. Somehow (probably through OA I got my cookie problem under control). to this day, I rarely have a cookie, in fact, I will only have chocolate cookie once in a blue moon. Why? Because chocolate chip cookies were my downfall. I realized it, changed my mindset about them & now see them as something I do not want in my body.
      I see them & know that they taste good. Yes, delicious but the allure is gone.
      That is what I am working on with wine – particularly red. Some are great but most require cheese or something to make them palatable.
      Every time I see a bottle I think of the teaching that wine is just poison with pretty labels & every time I have drunk some, I feel as if I have been poisoned.
      Eventually, you (& I ) will get to the cookie moment, when wine or spirits are accepted as something that can taste decent but we will have 0 desire as it is so horrible for our bodies & psyches. if I could have a glass & stop, that would be OK but I have not done that so far

  • #120049



    I’m on day 20 of sobriety and Day 16 of the program. While it’s important to keep visualizing yourself in the future, “thriving in sobriety” I also think you should stay focussed on today. As in, what am I doing today to support my sobriety? I do have cravings for wine, and I was thinking, what if the cravings never go away… what if I still want wine a month from now, a year from now? But that thinking is a waste of energy. Right now, you just need to stay in the present. You’ve made a plan for the next 30 days. What can you do each moment, each hour, each day, to support that plan? But I understand those feelings… I was feeling very panicky…but reviewing the actions steps on page 234 (called the Top 11 Ongoing Action Steps in Phase III) is very helpful.

    As for bars… I know I would find it stressful to go to a bar right now. It’s important to give yourself permission to say no to activities that put you under stress. A few days ago, at an outdoor family event, my mother-in-law handed me her glass of wine to hold while she took a photo. She got busy doing something else…and I stood there holding the wine, smelling it, and finally I thrust it at my husband, telling him to hold it. I got a few raised eyebrows…I realize now that some people probably misinterpreted my action, but… oh well. I had to get rid of that glass of wine, and I did!

  • #120061


    Oh boy did I have to repeat the E+R=O today over & over.
    I got scammed by the dealership that sold me my new car. Initially they said they would rectify it but they are avoiding me for days. I was so angry when I drove by the lot that all I wanted to do was resort to my old coping habits. Grrr!
    BUT – I didn’t (by the grace of God & this program, authors & participants).
    I came home (ate – because I had the foresight to have dinner ready in a crockpot), watered the plants because that is like a meditation for me & did a DVD of P90X which changed my mood.
    Thank goodness.
    Yes, this can be hard but hangovers & being broke is harder.
    Focussing on the power of now. Right this minute things are OK. Yes, I have a “new” car that actually was totaled but right this minute I cannot do anything about it.

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