Tagged: Doing the Thing You Fear
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January 18, 2016 at 10:50 am #5008Keymaster
Reply to today’s forum thread – Day 22 Forum – Say YES – with examples of how and when you could say “yes” more, and how you have seen “no” show up automatically in your life.
January 23, 2016 at 6:36 pm #5609Participant
I automatically say NO to traveling. This includes driving across town or flying to Florida. It’s all too stressful. How would saying YES to traveling help me? I don’t think this is related to drinking. I just don’t like to drive, pack, plan, eat strange food or be without my stuff. But I can’t think of anything else I automatically say no to. Maybe I missed something in the chapter?
January 23, 2016 at 11:10 pm #5635Participant
Thanks for sharing Janjo and inquiring about this.
I think what Dave and Jack are trying to have you think about in Day 22 is how we say sometimes say”no” automatically in our lives to things that might affect our lives in a positive way. For example, are you saying no to situations because of fear that might be holding you back, or to social situations and isolating yourself instead, are you saying no to working a little harder so you can earn a raise, are you saying no to doing things that might bring you more joy in your life.
We are all going to say no to certain things and that can be good and important too. Saying no often gives us healthy boundaries and we all need that. As it says in Day 22, it is also important to look at ways we get stuck in the no’s are are inflexible at times. I would encourage you to think more about the things that you say no to that might be holding you back in some way and consider saying “yes” more to things that can expand your happiness.
Hope this helps!
February 15, 2016 at 3:28 pm #7181Participant
Tonight, I’m going to say “Yes” to playing poker at the local legionnaires’ hall. This is something I’ve been saying no to lately because I can’t remember the last time I played poker without a beer in front of me. Tonight I’ll be saying Yes, followed by a “Yes, I’ll have a soda water with a slice of lime,” when asked if I’d like something to drink.
February 16, 2016 at 3:33 am #7192Participant
For years I’ve been on the habit of saying no to going to live on my house on France. Lots of fears around this, isolation, financial, family who live on Aust. Particularly my 8 grandchildren whom I adore and want o be around as they grow. But…I could explore how t do it for 3-6 months. My other sticking point is moving to a larger town or small city, I live in a town of around 150 people. I’m a struggling naturL therapist and would like to stop….both struggling and being a natural therapist. I really want to coach, I’m a trained life and business coach. There’s a plan hatching..just have to ponder do I keep my Australian property or sell it…. The French property is for sale, being there I’m sure would assist the process of that happening. An interesting thing that has had me going around in circles for years. The fear is what has been causing the road block..fear of failure, this would be the biggest fear, fear of rejection has a part to play I sure as its a major stumbling block so I sure it’s in this too.
My just doc it attitude had me buy a house in the south of France 14 years ago, which I. May ways I’ve blamed for my struggle financially.
I’m going to sleep on this one!
February 19, 2016 at 12:32 pm #7321Participant
Yes. I have been self-employed for 30 years and loving it. The last year has been “the perfect storm”!I have been saying No to finding a real job to give me an opportunity to regroup mentally and physically! I need a good “YES”
February 21, 2016 at 12:53 pm #7450Participant
This topic/solution is huge for me. I have long had a fear of public speaking that has impacted my career path over the years. I think this also has to do with “fear of failure.” Yet, great public speaking skills are something I particularly admire in others – and wish and dream that I could have! I have turned down or avoided opportunities to make presentations, but not always. I do recognize that I have a lot of negative self-talk in this area, which only causes more avoidance and reinforces my irrational fear. I do feel most definitely that I have prevented myself from achieving my career goals and ambitions because of this fear. However, because of the 30 Day Solution book, I learned about “tapping” or EFT and completed 2 sessions with a local EFT practitioner who is wonderful!!! I am so excited now to say “yes” to new opportunities to speak and to be courageous and an example for others who have similar fears and limiting beliefs! So many fantastic solutions and keys to living a successful and happy life in this book??!!! Thank you so much Dave and Jack – you are both an inspiration and are truly giving back and paying it forward with this brilliant program. ?
March 1, 2016 at 7:16 am #7897Participant
Public speaking is a huge fear for most people. You may have heard of it, but Toastmasters is a wonderful way to ease into learning how to get through those fears. The Toastmasters website can guide you to the closest group near you. There are groups almost everywhere. I’m in China, and there are 40 in my city alone.
Several years ago, someone recommended it to me, and I’ve grown to actually enjoy public speaking.
You will do great, no matter how you go about it. The fact that you’ve come this far is an indicator of that.
March 1, 2016 at 7:30 am #7899Participant
Other people is the obvious one for me. Well having like a regular job, work type job-job, is another, but that is still problematic. I have no money, but I think I can be sober and perfectly fabulous and still view working in an office for a living as a very obvious self-induced prison that is not necessary for a fulfilling happy virtuous life, possibly even detrimental.
But people are fine, and I’m good within a group. I’ve proved it in the past two weeks. On about Day 8, after the monstrous detoxing was complete and I was beginning to feel good, I said screw it why wait, I know that being social needs to be, or rather I want, to be a part of my future, so I got on this website called Meetup, and went to, well, it’s been six groups now, two hiking around the city in a group, and four volunteer groups that serve needy people around the city. Enjoyed them all, and was shocked at how amazingly charming and open and fun and enjoyable I am sober with groups of strangers. I had apparently thoroughly convinced myself in the past twenty plus years that I was quite the opposite if I went sober. And the other people were good and fun, quite the opposite of what I had convinced myself they are.
I can’t wait to travel sober, something I’ve always loved, traveling, and said yes to, but never sober, that I can recall, and I’ve traveled half the globe. Maybe the other half too, I just don’t remember it..?
May 10, 2016 at 12:32 pm #10968Participant
Meetup groups are great! I belong to one called “The Do Something New” group.
March 21, 2016 at 7:05 am #8663Participant
I have been wanting to join a hiking club, but I keep putting it off. I need to get over my fear of meeting new people. Now that I am sober, I can give this a try. Wish me luck.
April 14, 2016 at 9:34 am #9697Participant
In general I’ve often protected my evening drinking time by avoiding or saying “no” to events or socializing and I feel that was beginning to lead to isolation. Now I’m open and am interacting with people more in the evenings. The big “yes” recently is to an invitation to row my raft down the Grand Canyon. I have anxiety about the big water rapids and am working on that fear. I kayaked the “Big C” but that was over 20 years ago and I was younger and in better shape. I now have incentive to continue to improve my health and conditioning.
September 14, 2016 at 8:41 pm #13704Participant
I think I will be very happy to say YES to most things once I feel good and healthy again. I don’t really like the way I’ve become so right now, I just need to focus on getting my health and vitality back. I find that alcohol leads to general laziness and disinterest. I am very inspired by how much better I feel without it!
September 22, 2016 at 3:14 am #13839Participant
Thank you very much for sharing. http://bigpaperwriter.com/blog/my-career-goals-essay This article is for you because there are many interesting things written down. Enjoy looking it through!
March 12, 2017 at 11:50 am #16832Participant
I say “no” to going out socially. I pass up invitations. Well, I used to. I don’t really get invitations anymore. I’ve passed up too many. It’s time to invite someone and to bo open to saying yes if any come my way. The “no” isn’t JUST about drinking. I experience some pretty intense anxiety in new situations . Other people, social situations equals anxiety for me. The difference is….It won’t stop me from trying and accepting an invitation.
May 15, 2017 at 4:20 pm #17796Participant
I would get invited to card games with friends and routinely say no, because I was afraid it would interfere with my drinking.
I have also postponed or cancelled bicycle tours because I knew there wouldn’t be enough time for drinking
Traveling was always a big problem because I would drink at the airport and on the plane, and then I would worry that I was to drunk to face my family and friends.
Also I would drink the night before a flight and then miss the flight, then have to lie about my late arrival.
All that has changed . Since I haven’t been drinking a whole new world of freedom has opened up for me!
I’m totaled 100% all in with this ,,,,, have been from day one,,, but now I am beggining to see some positive results!
I’m not sure if these comments are what step three was asking.
But I feel good about what I have said.
Bye for now
May 15, 2017 at 8:43 pm #17797Participant
Fantastic @better-sober ! Congrats on your continuing Sobriety. I agree 100%….it’s so freeing to “just say yes”!! Onward, Sina
January 28, 2018 at 4:10 pm #20108Participant
I have said no to anything that I felt would get in the way of my drinking. Social events if I knew there would not be alcohol – A big one was not ever going to a movie or a play because I didn’t think I could sit through them without drinking. I said no to concerts for the same reason . There have been many events I would have loved to attend but I was fearful of either not getting enough to drink or of drinking too much and then getting arrested for DUI_ so… just easier to stay home and drink. I love going to movies and plays and I love trying new things. The sober me is so different. I have gotten play tickets and am no longer fearful of going out to eat at night because of drinking and driving. I have avoided travel where I thought I wouldn’t be able to drink as much as I would like. Many times when I did travel – I would just stay in my hotel or the house I has rented instead of experiencing the place I had traveled too- all in support of my getting enough to drink. I am so excited to take my first vacation sober! I know it will be the best vacation I’ve been on as an adult! ( I’ve been drinking since I was 15) Going to celebrate my first sober birthday soon and planning a fabulous trip!
April 8, 2018 at 7:45 am #20591Participant
I didn’t make it this far last year. I made it to the end of Phase III, went to Northern Cali for a few days where I drank a lot with old friends of mine, came home, and bailed on the rest of the program. And there I was again early last month, in another Shame Spiral after a night of too much wine and idiocy on social media. What is different in this fifth go at the 30-Day is my “light bulb moment” of WHY I have been drinking since I was 12 years-old. I have always known that I’m not an alcoholic, but could never understand WHY I couldn’t handle alcohol. Making it to Day 22 is HUGE because I am finally doing the work that needs to be done on the reasons behind my drinking ~ all of the drama and trauma and PTSD for issues that I have never gotten help for. I have my first therapy appointment coming up at the end of this month and I will be getting the healing and tools that I have needed since I was sexually abused when I was five and when I was raped when I was seventeen. I am saying “YES!” to acknowledging that I have been through some pretty horrific things in my life and been hurt in numerous ways, that I have felt abused and abandoned and scared, that I am a really good person with a lot of gifts and talents, and that I deserve to live a happy, healthy, successful, joyous, abundant life and to thrive in sobriety. **THANK YOU**, Jack and Dave, for creating this program and to everyone here for their courage, inspiration, and support. **Bright Blessings, Love & Light** to all of you!
April 19, 2018 at 4:24 pm #20705Participant
I struggled with the saying yes part as I see myself as wanting to experience new things, travel, food etc.. also, I have been happy that through this process I have said said yes to dinners, lunches and bingo and had no problem having water instead of wine. I always had wine at the above mentioned.
However, I can feel the grip of fear and embarrassment overtake me when I remember high stress jobs I took on and fear made me leave, or give up on any future chance of doing well. I was scared to death of real estate, retail during the holidays, and a couple other jobs dealing with people that I had to please and was so afraid of messing up or them being angry. I can kind of get to the bottom of the how that happened, but not sure if I would ever be brave in those jobs if I reentered them.
also, I am recently separated and dealing with a lot of changes after being married for 40 somes years. I am retired now but would like some part time work and would like to practice, or have the opportunity to say yes. And,I believe I know I used alcohol in the above mentioned jobs at the end of the day to “cope”, and with my separation. Of course, alcohol didn’t help. I am practicing changing my thoughts, and affirmations and gratitude. Today was a hard day but I can honestly say I am much happier than I was 23 days ago. Thanks for this program
April 19, 2018 at 5:51 pm #20707Participant
I feel saying Yes is hard because of my fear of failure. I was kicked out of my house a week ago by my wife after I found a relative of hers lied about a $25,000.00 debt. This denied me the opportunity to upgrade employment when discovered during credit/background checks. I am not giving up and presently located in a center for homeless veterans provided by the VA. I was touched by the Quote last line,”It is out light, not our darkness that most frightens us.” I will finish
August 5, 2018 at 12:54 pm #120417Participant
Very interesting chapter… the strength of this book is the myriad approaches and strategies the authors provide for living your best life. I can’t believe how much I’ve grown in 3 weeks — my husband has commented on the changes in my attitude. I really loved the Gratitude affirmations. Fear… and even the “fear of fear” has held me back. I haven’t applied for positions (not even when a manager asked me to apply) because I was afraid of how much fear and anxiety I would experience during the interview process. I also didn’t want the promotion because I was afraid that I wouldn’t have the skills to do the job (but obviously I did otherwise the manager wouldn’t have recommended that I apply for it). I’ve said no to too many social events to count (and many that I originally said yes to, only to later back out of..) all because I felt it was easier to just stay home, by myself, with my a good friend, a bottle of wine.
I was thinking of going to a local AA meeting… but when I look at the 12 Steps—it just doesn’t connect with me… especially the first one (I am powerless over alcohol). That never seemed right to me. I do have power. I have a choice. I can choose to “thrive in sobriety” and not drink, and I can use all the tools that Dave and Jack have described in their book to make sobriety happen. I understand now that willpower alone is not enough.
September 13, 2018 at 2:23 pm #120799Participant
I agree darkcitydame.
I loved the gratitude chapter and love wrapping my head around doing the hard things makes like easy.
If you are still on this forum, how is it going? I see you finished the 30 Days about a month ago.
Onward to Day 23!!
December 4, 2018 at 5:08 am #121362Participant
I have struggled with depression and drinking for several years now and one of my biggest fears is intimacy. I’m so afraid of being hurt that I have few friends and no current boyfriend. My fear that I will face this week is going to a dinner party and not drinking. I guess I’m afraid of any fears or unpleasant feelings about myself that will come up.
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