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5 months ago.

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  • #122739


    I put this out to the forum in the hope that someone might have an idea or ideas about how to neutralise this really negative emotion. I suppose envy has many variations, for me, I am a professional musician, I’m very good at it and I teach. I should be really content with my ability, but I get so jealous when I see those better than me or more active in their creative projects and concerts. Especially when they are close to my own ability, sometimes even those on my own level, or even not as good. I’m only happy if I’m clearly better or, strangely, clearly way off! It’s such a toxic, visceral gut feeling and it has held me back in so many ways. I’m ashamed of this feeling but I don’t know how to deal with it and there is little or no guidance out there on ideas for combatting this, or where it may stem from. Any thoughts? This program has me geed up for tackling things like this and ready to work on it but I honestly dont know how to!

  • #122740


    Good morning Splendiferous.
    Congratulations on making it to Day 17!
    Thank you for your question and Topic. Your feelings of Envy ( like all Feelings, be they positive or negative) give you a window to examine your Unmet Needs. (Positive emotions arise in response to our Needs being Met)
    Because you are caught in “The Comparison Game “, you are holding up other’s accomplishments as a yardstick with which to measure your own.
    Your Unmet Needs in this instance (BTW, this language is all from Non Violent Communication, a model developed by the late Marshall Rosenberg, one of my greatest heros!) could be for Competence. Or it could even be a deep Need for Safety! I don’t have the answers for you on this conundrum except to reassure you that (as you know I am sure!) your Needs are Universal ones. All humans have identical Needs no matter race, religion, nationality, gender, the world over. Marshall believed this and so do I.

    I CAN tell you that the Journey you are taking inward, and in the absence of Alcohol ( which robs us of rational thought) will reward you with the insights you are seeking. Revisiting “The Believe in Yourself Solution” may add fuel to your tank. My apologies for not giving you a pat solution! Only you have the power as You are the world’s expert on You! 🙂
    Remember, the 30DSS is a mere jumping off point on this exciting Journey!
    Onward my Friend! Sina

    • #122742


      Thank you sinaqueena, I appreciate your thoughts. I’m thinking over that and I’ll check out Marshall Rosenburg too. I’m actually day 29 now, but I reckon I’ll hang back and review some of the topics I didn’t have time for. Best wishes.

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