Failure every time

This topic contains 8 replies, has 8 voices, and was last updated by

 
Participant
1 week ago.

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  • #120691

    Participant

    I have a lot of trouble committing 100%. I failed again on the 3rd day and ended up drinking last night. I did not even want to drink but I did anyway. I need this badly. I know that if I could get through the 30 days that my life would begin to change and I would have a chance at happiness again.

    Do any of you find yourselves doubting that you are 100% committed? Maybe it is because of feel of failure. I know that I have failed so many times so why would this time be any different? I don’t know but I am very tired of giving in.

  • #120692

    Participant

    I do. I realized when I started this that it I don’t really commit to anything 100%. On day four, I explored the role of vulnerability and control issues in my life and I realized that by not committing, I was subconsciously staying in control. I opened up to be vulnerable and the committing now feels doable. But I am only 10 days in (11 without wine.) Good luck. Forgive yourself and keep at it.

  • #120694

    Participant

    I am going to keep going. I had 4 days. I am going to start on day 2 solutions today. I need to keep thinking about this commitment though. I know I can get there if I keep trying.

  • #120697

    Participant

    I went through this program last year and got 6 months sober but I knew there was something missing. In my case it was about the timing, not digging deep enough and not being 100% committed. When the shit hit the fan i was back in the middle of the booze again. Its just like life, you will not succeed unless your prepared to fail. I failed last time but got 6 months out of it, i believe this time will be for good. Just keep getting back on the horse.

  • #120700

    Participant

    Yes im with you on not committing to things out of the fear of failure. Giving a half hearted go. constantly telling myself that it wont work and therefore fulfilling my own prophesy. But its also really hitting home how much I have to lose and maybe opening myself up and committing to new (but at first uncomfortable) coping strategies that on the other side is what they call life? Rather than the treading water that I feel im doing? And if so what have I really got to lose? Hence the saying I keep hearing, you only lose if you stop trying.

  • #120808

    Participant

    @shaymen67 – 6 months sounds great, you must have been feeling good. I’ve done 30 and 60 day before and felt a real boost in my energy in that short period of time. Hoping for the same again, and maybe go a bit longer this time. Today is Day 1. That’s all I can think about for now. Best of luck everyone. Failure is part of learning and adapting our approach to do better next time. No shame in it, do you best.

    DB

  • #120810

    Participant

    @AutumnRain – There will be setbacks along the way (especially when dealing with an addictive substance); progress isn’t linear and will often include taking one step forward and two steps backwards. As long as you keep your eyes on the ultimate goal, the thriving in sobriety, then these failures really aren’t failures; just speed bumps along the way. I made it 50 days sober last year on this program before trying to drink in moderation (moderation ultimately didn’t work for me, I ended up right back where I started). As you’ll learn later in the program, alcohol has this insidious way of convincing you that you don’t really have a problem if you haven’t had a drink for a few days and that drinking will feel good.

    The first week or two will be the hardest, especially if you’re coming from drinking daily or every other day. Your mind is still craving alcohol and the urge to drink can be oppressively strong at times but gradually will get better over time. Try doing the action steps or reading the book when you feel the urge to drink. I’ve found that by diverting my attention away from the urge to drink for 10-15 minutes and the urge will go away on its own.

  • #120812

    Participant

    AutumnRain, I feel you! My biggest failure so far is the 100%. I had two weeks into not drinking and then I got this book and signed up here last week and read through chapter 1. Then I just had to have “one more day” of wine and fancy food. (It’s so intertwined for me.) It has lasted all week every day eating in just one more fancy place (spending money and time I don’t have right now, and avoiding this program) eating all the food and drinking all the fancy cocktails I am NEVER going to be able to have anymore. I just today, finally, made a start in my journal and listened to time travel. I am so not 100% and am so frustrated in my inability to commit fully. I have been drinking my whole life, and as a “bitty boozer” being given rum and cherry coke as a very young child so my parents could have a bridge night without the children interrupting (and they were the “good” parents, as the bad ones did coke and went to discos) I mean my whole life. I have been sober twice, once when I got pregnant, for some unexplained reason, even though I did not know I had conceived, I stopped cold turkey with no help for 5 years and it was easy (I think I had divine help with that one). The second one when I had slipped into a deep depression (that I only saw after I was out the others side) after loosing a child I was adopting because the birth parents changed their mind after 8 months of me and my 9yr old daughter bonding to My 5yr old “Son”. I had to quit and get up out of bed for my daughter’s sake (she had lost too), and again, it was easy. But each time I picked it back up again and now my health is failing and I must do this or I will die. How much motivation does one need???!!! Why can’t I do this for me? Why is this time so hard? Because I know this is the last and final (at least until I am 80 😉 ) time and I NEED to make it so? AAAACCCCKKKK!!!!!!

  • #120813

    Participant

    This post so resonates with me, wondering if I’m all in. My mind WANTS to be, but apparently not bad enough for me to do it NOW. Like today, Sunday, is a perfect day to start, but later today will I think “maybe I’ll just start Monday since it’s the first day of the work week…”. My goal for today is to START today, even with that open bottle of wine in the fridge, even with football on the television and beer available with the football snacks, and even with an alcoholic husband and surrounded by drinkers – maybe me just seeing this post with people who are struggling like me, and knowing I’m not alone will get me through without a drink. And if I distract myself with activities today, what about tomorrow? *deep breath*
    We can do this!

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