This topic contains 2 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by
December 6, 2019 at 9:37 am #122864Participant
A thought crossed my mind and I wanted to put it out there to see what everyone thinks about it rather than bury it in a thread.
If, after my 30 days (#5 today) of Sobriety (January 1), I choose to and can remain DF, does that mean that I had a real problem with drinking in the past? By this, what I’m trying to get at is because I quit totally, I have shown my weakness and inability to just have A beer on a social level. I’m not afraid of what anyone else thinks; I think I’m afraid to point that weakness out to myself.
Many years ago I went thru this same thing. I quit drinking for 8 years. Went thru a couple of relationships then met my ex wife. On a vacation, sitting in the mountains on a hot summer day on a lakeside patio, I decided to have a beer. Why not? It had been 8 years so I can handle this. Right? Wrong! It was a slow spiral downward from that point on which led to a divorce 3 years ago (I’m pretty sure alcohol was the major part in that).
So using that story as background, you can see my fear of having that first beer after nothing for 30 days or 3 years! My history isn’t good.
Three years ago when the divorce happened I really never gave it much thought other than she really needed to just let me be and things would be fine. But I see parallels to that scenario again taking place now. My GF is a wonderful person. We’ve been together for almost 3 years but she has said I’ve changed and it probably has more to do with me drinking than anything else. She is a health care practitioner so her whole focus is on well being. She’s certainly no dummy and sees things that I don’t think she can.
So going back to my point about admitting failure to be able to control my drinking; that all falls on me and even though I know it (both in my heart and in my head), my current mindset is that even though I’m not afraid to admit it, I’m not scared to implement it, but I am fearful because of the possibility of future failure and what possibly going down that path would look like. Again.
Sorry for the long winded post, but the gate opened up somewhat. But it feels good to share.
December 6, 2019 at 6:57 pm #122865Participant
I dont exactly know how to respond or if you even want a response?
Here are some of my thoughts:
I understand that this is not your first rodeo reining in an Addiction to Alcohol. I am guessing that your Relapse, whether it happened slowly or played out over several years was very painful and was a factor in losing a precious relationship.
You talk about your “Failing” to control Alcohol. My opinion is that Alcohol is an addictive substance with very little to redeem it. Do you know that it causes more deaths and human misery than all other ” worse” Addictive substances added together?
Your “failing” to control an evil poison that is trying to kill you puts you in a class of sensitive people who fall prey to societal pressures and marketing. From everything I have learned and am continuing to learn, once certain pathways change in our brain neurology, they do not return to their former state. We become more sensitive and vulnerable to the toxic effects of these poisons.
THIS DOES NOT MEAN YOU ARE WEAK.
IT MEANS YOU ARE WISER!!!
This book, The 30DSS, and program, in my view, serve as a Portal.
A doorway into a new way of Thriving in Life. Our Sobriety is giving us Freedom to continue on this Path, Journey, Adventure….whatever you wish to call it, with many tools we formerly weren’t aware we had at hand, in our hearts, minds and souls!
I’m glad the Gate opened up for you! It is a good great thing to be able to share! Thank you.
Onward Friend! Sina
December 9, 2019 at 9:58 am #122874Participant
I would say the solution is to commit to never drinking again and realize that doing so does not mean that you had a weakness. It simply means that alcohol and you do not get along, so why subject yourself to it? Think of it this way. If you were deathly allergic to peanuts, you wouldn’t eat them and wouldn’t feel at all apologetic about that would you? You would simply be smart person to avoid them.
I’m reading Alcohol Sucks right now, which I think sets the stage for a good mindset about this and it is a good book all around. Maybe pick it up as soon as you finish the 30 days here.
You must be logged in to reply to this topic.