Fell off the 'reading book' wagon but still on the sobriety wagon – advice?

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This topic contains 22 replies, has 12 voices, and was last updated by

 
Participant
1 year ago.

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  • #10629

    Participant

    I’m on day 25 and still feeling good. I’ve been thinking of my vision statement daily and glancing at the daily emails but have fallen behind in reading the book. Not for lack of want but my days have been jammed packed. I hate to sound full of excuses but between marathon training, running my own start-up business (which is beginning to really take off), being a mom to a kid with autism and trying to be a decent wife I’ve been ‘running’ non-stop from 7AM until well after 9PM and finding book reading and HW time has been a struggle (and a luxury when I can. I do like the book and work!)

    Anyway, I’m going to try to carve some time out of my day to catch up. Do you think it would be OK to double up on chapters when I do have the time to read? I have found the book to be valuable and definitely want to continue reading. I have felt much stronger and peaceful in sobriety than I anticipated and recognize that those early chapters really paid off. What are your thoughts?

    Thanks community!

  • #10685

    Participant

    Nope. It isn’t about reading. It is about learning. There are activities to do each day. I found these things take time but slowly seep in. You can’t just read your affirmations 25 times in one day. You know this. Same as training for a marathon.
    The book says for success to make the activities your priority for 30 days.
    But if you’re 25 days sober what do you care what the book says? You’re obviously succeeding so keep on doing what your doing! That is a lot on your plate. Your obviously an excellent juggler.
    Best wishes
    Bye
    HapE

  • #10700

    Participant

    Hape, I know! You are right! The “A student” in me hates falling behind. I like the work. The work, works. My success to this point was thanks to the first two weeks of diligence on the work. I think though, for now, I can only do the best I can. In the past my “all or nothing” mentality would’ve led to me just giving up. Even in marathon training, stuff comes up, runs sometimes get missed due to illness, injury or setbacks but ultimately if you keep the vision, the big goal in mind, believe you can do it and do most of the work – you can get to the finish line. I can wait for the perfect time, to have the time to do this perfectly or I can do what I can and keep as connected to the program as possible. The most important thing I’ve committed to is 100% sobriety until my end date.

    With that said – I think I’m going to read and do the work as I can and will go beyond the 30 days to catch up.

    thanks!

  • #11079

    Participant

    Nej128: I am retired, have no particular plans for the rest of my life and I found this program to be a lot to follow every day, so I can imagine how you must feel! I understand the A Student mind-set too though. I gave myself permission to do the best that I could. I’m on day 25, no alcohol, and that is the point, isn’t it?

  • #11080

    Participant

    thank you sephora,

    I am on day 32 and feeling good. Still am working my way thru the book! I think all we can do is the best we can do. I’ve appreciated what I have learned and the work I have done with the book. The tools are solid and I can thank my (continued) sobriety to being connected to it as much as possible. Best to you!

  • #11252

    Participant

    Perhaps planning on 60 days for the book is the way to go. If I find myself not giving the time I need to fully do the solution, I spend another day or so on it. No need to rush through it.

  • #12206

    Participant

    And here I thought I was the only one.

  • #12416

    Participant

    Nej128: I am also retired and luckily chose the 60-day option. The work has been great and very fulfilling, but it is demanding on one’s time. I would not worry about “falling behind” (and I do understand being a perfectionist and getting A’s!), but I would focus on your sobriety and celebrate your success and the growth you have made. I have finished Day 25 and have 87 days of complete sobriety; I have been in AA with good growth, but a few slips; however, I was still “white-knuckling” sobriety and not happy. I bought the book to try to attain a feeling of “thriving in sobriety” and it is working!! YaHoo! I wish for great success for all of us!! Keep up the good work everyone!
    Grams8

  • #13931

    Participant

    It’s because we are so busy we should be doing the program. It’s the foundation for all we do. No excuses.

  • #13933
    cwr

    Participant

    Even taking a few hours a day, it still was not enough time for me. I can see where taking less time would be challenging. I have been marking areas that resonate with me “REVISIT”. Taking a long time to get through the book seems fine. Yes, it’s the not drinking that helps a lot. Just the physiological aspects of that are beneficial.

  • #13934

    Participant

    Its a bad attitude to think “Oh I have 25 days so its okay that I miss my writing exercises for 3 days straight”.

    THis program is like a bullet-proof vest to protect you from drinking. Now imagine a cop that leaves his vest at home thinking, its too hot today, the vest is too bulky and also I am doing the beat in a good neighborhood today, doubt I will need it. And then BANG!! He gets shot by a criminal.

    In the same way we go out into the real world and we NEVER KNOW when the next temptation to drink will come out at us. You can be feeling safe and secure and out of nowhere bump into an old ex girlfriend or boyfriend that invites us to have a drink and “catch up”. Our boss may walk over to us to offer us a promotion and invite us out to have a drink to discuss the details.

    Make any excuse you want but know that to put your sobriety second place is a very dangerous thing to do. If you go back to your old drinking habits you can kiss the Marathons goodbye. I can assure you that none of the runners that place in the top 10 positions are drunks or even had a single drop of liquor in the week leading up to the race.

    I think your first instinct of the “A plus mentality” was the correct one. I was a straight A student myself. And read all my chapters before the professor did the lecture on them. THe one time I failed to do that I remember getting a B on the test and quickly learned my lesson.

    My lesson to not make “exceptions”. When committed to something good I have learned to do it 100%. Anything less than a 100% commitment opens the door to failure and mediocrity.

    Dont let yourself “off the hook”. Its only a 30 day program, sheesh.

  • #13935

    Participant

    Dont “double-up” to catch up. You should do one solution per day. For example if you missed 5 days of homework than this will be a 35 day program for you and so forth.

    Use that as a motivator, that by missing days that you are extending the program. If you want to just get it over with (the way I do) and move on with your normal life after curing the alcohol problem.

    And why anyone would want to choose the 60 or 90 day option is absurd in my opinion. If you where offered a 30 60 or 90 day rehab that all offered the same success rate then why on Earth would you choose to be separated from your friends and family for 60 or 90 days? Just get it over with and move on with your life.

    • #13937

      Participant

      Fc321. I am doing the 60 day “version” of the program because I want to spend two days going over the exercises so that I get the most I can out of them. I am finding that this has been a great route for me so far. I have been sober for 21 days and am doing day 11 of book. Normally I would not contradict someone, especially on this type of venue, however I think it is important to point out that there is more than one way to be successful in this program. Whatever time frame works for a particular individual is the correct one for them. I personally think that this is not something to get over with, it is the beginning of a new life that hopefully will continue far beyond the 30/60/90 day commitment. I hope to keep following the practices laid out in the book and plan on going through many of the exercises more than once.
      I wish you and everyone else on this journey great success!

  • #13939

    Participant

    @liza,

    I understand your reasoning but wouldnt you be better off to just do the 30 day program and then do the 30 day program again? I mean rather than taking 2 days to do each solution?

    I say that because I think the sooner you expose your brain to the solutions the better off will be your chances to remain sober. We dont know which of the 30 solutions will be the most effective one for you, therefore the sooner you expose yourself to each one the better off you will be.

    My opinion, anyway. Congrats on your 21 days. Keep up the good fight! You can slay the beast and defeat your enemy of alcohol once and for all.

    • #13942

      Participant

      Thanks for the encouragement fc321. I will keep on fighting.

  • #13941

    Participant

    Liza, you are correct. Take the greater amount of time.
    The ONLY reason for the book’s title, which gives the 30 day time frame, is to draw people in who otherwise would not venture to change. This is also why the authors included the sub title “to quit or cut back”. Jack Canfield talks about this in several interviews. The vast majority of people who read this book won’t be able to moderate drinking, he acknowledges…

    Fc321,….this 30DSS is NOT a magical cure. There are no guarantees. You don’t find the one solution which unlocks the door. It’s not like a crap shoot, or a card game, where you draw the winning card and the game is over and you live happily ever after.

    The struggle against deeply embedded deleterious habits is a continuing one, IMO, and this book provides us with only one road map. It’s valuable and has helped many find a brighter future. It’s no magic bullet. It’s only the beginning of finding a life filled with purpose,pleasure, and joy beyond dependency on something outside ourselves.

    That’s just my humble 2 cents worth, of Course! Here’s to Thriving in Sobriety! Sina

    • #13943

      Participant

      Thanks Sina. I agree with your comments. I am hoping we will all find the path that works for us.😀

  • #13954

    Participant

    @Sina,

    I disagree, I think that the 30day2sobriety IS a magic bullet. I have read and been involved with many books and programs for addiction recovery as well as going to 3 internal rehab programs and also many years of AA meetings.

    From what I read the 30day2sobriety is a compilation of many different methodologies (many of which I have seen in other programs) and it is quite a good approach because there is no ONE SIZE FITS ALL cure since humans are so unique and different from each other.

    Nothing and nobody makes us drink except when we give ourselves permission inside our own head to have a drink. I can see all the writing exercises with 30day being designed to effect an internal shift in perception of our relationship with alcohol and a reverse brainwashing to sever our ties with it and deal with the mental and emotional issues that have is reaching our to the bottle to use as a crutch in order to cope with the problems and traumas of our lives.

    Its a great program and I think it will guarantee abstinence but only in those who follow it diligently and to the letter. In the final analysis none of us ever needs to pick up a drink again. We just have to maintain control and SAY NO when the temptation comes to us. We just have to refuse the drink

    Drinking is for losers and low achievers anyway. We are much better off without that poison in our lives. Now we can make much higher quality friends and live our best experience of life at the highest level

  • #13956

    Participant

    Fc321, I sincerely hope that the program is indeed that magic bullet for you and as many people as possible!

    I also agree that it’s a TERRIFIC program.
    The only thing we may differ on is the Guarantee. And thinking that if it doesn’t work 100%, that an individual didn’t follow it to the letter. Because there are a few who have followed it and continue to do so to the best of their abilities and still flounder and struggle with setbacks. No need to label them as losers and low achievers my friend. Compassionate understanding is the higher road and derogatory put downs of those less successful in order to bolster one’s own self worth is uncalled for here. Jack and Dave would not use this method for any of us to Thrive in Sobriety. Onward! Sina

  • #13957

    Participant

    @Sina,

    I didnt say relapsers where losers I said that the people who are out there drinking and making no effort to get sober or curtail their drinking as losers and under achievers. And they are. Because they are losing at life by continuing to drink.

    You are obviously looking for someone to fight and disagree with. I am day 4 of the program and just finished the Forgiveness exercise so I am in a fragile state and I dont appreciate you trying to make me upset. Just stop commenting on my posts, ok?

    Go to a politics forum if you are looking for someone to argue with. Im just trying to help people stay sober here and you are here saying there are NO GUARANTEES that if someone diligently follows the program that they will stay sober. Who are you trying to help by making statements like that?

    You are trying to undermine the confidence of people by saying “It may not work even if you try your hardest?” Get out of here with your pessimism. Nobody needs to take another drink EVER AGAIN

  • #13961

    Participant

    I’m not undermining anyone here.
    Neither am I looking for anyone to fight or disagree with.
    I have no intention to go to a political forum and argue with anyone.

    I have been Thriving in Sobriety since April Fool’s Day when I took the Challenge issued by Jack Canfield, who also participated.
    I’m sorry you are upset. Solution number 4 is the most upsetting to most of us. I know it was for me.
    The program “worked ” for me and I continue to help as many as I can, both here, and on the private secret Facebook group started by me and others, inspired by the 30DSS.
    If you want or need any additional help, just say the word.
    Stay strong and congratulations on your continuing Sobriety!
    Onward!!! Sina

  • #13963

    Participant

    @Sina,

    Thank you for your explanation. Yes I am having a very rough time and I am of low spirits, cant even drag myself out of the house to check the mail or bring in the garbage can from the front curb.

    My only disagreement with you is over the word “guarantee”. Well most likely we have a different definition of the word.

    I will PM you, THanks

  • #120460

    Participant

    I recall when I first started this program there was an option to do the program in 30 days, 60 days, or 90 days. So there is nothing wrong with taking several days to complete a day. The authors state several times that they want us to do the work involved. Frankly, I would not be able to do the program in 30-Days with a full-time job because even though the chapters are short, they are quite dense. And many of the exercises are quite intense. Plus, the program is accumulative, so not only do you have the day’s homework to do, you are always engaged in practices that you have learned earlier.
    I’ve been out all day today and just returned home. I have in fact “lost” a day. I still have journaled, done my affirmations, etc, but I’m going to be one day behind now. So what?
    I do not think you should try to “double-up” … you won’t be able to fully absorb the material and do the work. You’ll only be short-changing yourself. You deserve more. I suggest creating a more doable timetable…
    While I was writing this message I scrolled up and read some of the previous messages.
    I am on Day 25…have stayed sober, but I was at a funeral today (day spent travelling, meeting with people, time at funeral home, time at cemetary, time back with family—basically 12 hours of funeral-related activity). Well…brother… After the internment, back at the family’s house, I saw the wine bottles being lined up…all along the counter. Lots and lots of wine bottles. Every cell in my body starting screaming.
    But I held on. And went and got some water to drink. And huge plate of food (mostly healthy choices—one indulgence was a date square) (and one of the reasons that I am not going to do today’s chapter is that I am journaling about my experience today and am going to spend more time with visualizations and affirmations)
    Anyway, I’m not a loser. Even if I slipped, stumbled, and fell into a vat of wine which I had to swallow, I refuse to be labelled a loser. I’ve been 29 days sober (day 25 of program), but I agree with the Dave and Jack—such negative labels are not helpful.
    So—if anyone out there reads this at some point in the future…if you do slip up, go back to Day 14 (on the website), and download the bonus PDF called The Relapse Solution. In fact, I would recommend that if you haven’t read it, please do it. This material isn’t in the book. And this is material that you are going to want to read…or have on hand. As the authors say, there are many ways to “fall down”, even if we don’t ever take another drink again.
    Namaste

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