Freaking out a bit – owing it – feeling really challenged

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This topic contains 10 replies, has 9 voices, and was last updated by

 
Participant
1 week, 2 days ago.

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  • #121833

    Participant

    hi there. I’ve been abusing alcohol for a long time and am high functioning so have been able to hide it. My excessive drinking has been escalating and I’m damaging the relationships with those closest to me and making really poor health and lifestyle choices. I am disgusted with my behaviour and choices and how terrible I look and feel because of those choices. I really feel that’s it’s critical that I accept my alcohol abuse and have a period of sobriety where I can redefine my relationship with alcohol (if that’s possible). I feel so embarassed, guilty and shamed and am tired of lying but feel really scared of being ‘found out’. I’m starting a detox today and am freaking out a bit at how to live a conscious and happy life sober. I need emotional support and feel very isolated. My family are really annoyed with me right now for making such bad choices and I don’t know what to do about that. I realise it’s critical I change

  • #121834

    Participant

    Right you you must feel really vulnerable…YOU ARE. The 30 day sobriety solution will address all of those issues. And you can do it in a private, personal way. I’m on Day 12, and have had longer stints of sobriety following about 50 years of living a party, party life, expanding to other drugs in the 60’s and 70’s, then back to just abusing alcohol. I too have held he profile positions in my career and profession. Don’t let being overwhelmed frustrate you. Just don’t personalize it. You are human. You have been successful in othsr areas of your life. You can be successful with this too. Peace

  • #121836

    Participant

    lisalisalisa,

    Reading your post was like looking into my soul 8 weeks ago. The shame, guilt, disgust with myself, fear…all of the above. I was ashamed at my weakness and the hold that alcohol had over me. I made this book and it’s daily solutions and exercises my priority. One of the first quotes in the book is “99% is a Bitch, 100% is a Breeze”. It’s not so much that 100% is a breeze but the difference between being 99% and 100% is WAY more than a mere 1%. Returning to this little quote helped me a lot to stay on track. Also, my other mantra when I doubted myself or was struggling was “What can I do about this RIGHT NOW?” Usually the answer was simple and straightforward, example, drive past the wine shop, say no thanks and have a glass of water. I encourage you to stick with the book, keep as detailed a journal as possible and visit the forums daily. Believe it or not, I don’t miss the wine. I was slowly (or rapidly) poisoning myself and I’ve created a mental image of wine being poison. Would I really put drain cleaner in a pretty glass and drink it? I don’t think so. These are some of the things that have helped me. Please stick with it. You’ve got the determination and the want or you wouldn’t have gotten this far. Keep posting, I’ll be reading…

    • #121843

      Participant

      Oh thank you so much……! Such great advice and that 100% vs 99% line has really resonated with me too. It really is an hour by hour proposition isn’t it. It’s diabolically good to hear you’re not missing it after 8 weeks. That feels almost like an impossibility at this stage (even though intellectually I know I’ve done that before). Somehow feels like I’ve lost an old friend and honestly part of me is grieving for that. It is great to be able to express myself without judgement here – such a weight lifting. x

      • #121855

        Participant

        I used to keep my empty bottle of Knob Creek on the shelf and have daily conversations with it, starting with, “Good morning old friend. We sure had a lot of laughs together. But our relationship also caused me some great moral, physical and emotional damage. Some of that harm is probably permanent. There is little for me to do now but take responsibility. Yeah, I will miss you, but we have parted ways, so you’ve got to let me go, because getting back with you again will just end up in more pain.”

  • #121854

    Participant

    Is there are real person on here? Or are these posts by the author and his staff? Seems like the same writer repeatedly. Hard to decipher if this is legit.

  • #121858

    Participant

    Hi CMChase86 … I’m real! -Kathi

  • #121873

    Participant

    It’s nice to see that there are people going through the same thing. I have made some pretty disgusting choices because of alcohol lately… I finally found myself alone and in dispare until I searched for an answer. It lead me here as I need to keep it confidential, as I am also high functioning, but have lied to many times to keep doing it. This is my last chance I feel!

    • #121874

      Participant

      Welcome aboard the Sober Coaster @tamchez19.
      You can’t fail as long as you DON’T GIVE UP!
      Onward! Sina

  • #121910

    Participant

    I am feeling nervous as well about getting started, but I am honestly feeling more comfortable seeing some of these forum posts and knowing that there are people experiencing the same thing. I have always been really closed off about discussing my alcoholism. I am a high functioning alcoholic as well and I feel that I can drink because I can make it through the day and have a career…but it’s not that simple is it?

    I am really appreciating reading what people have to say. Good luck everyone!

  • #121912

    Participant

    I’m about as real as it gets. Day five for me and it seems to be getting better, I know my mood swings have improved. Last night was hard but only because it was Friday for me.

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