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July 25, 2016 at 6:42 am #12761
On Saturday I was 24 days sober and on day 28 of the program. I was feeling great, loving my new sober life and feeling 100% committed to a completely alcohol free life. I was living the program and the forum and felt that after so many failed attempts I had found the answer.
So what did I do?……. I drank!!
At a family gathering I didn’t even hesitate to say yes to ‘just one’ glass – after all we were having such a lovely day!! WHY? WHY? WHY? What an idiot! Needless to say ‘just one’ glass turned into two bottles and… fast forward to the dreadful hangover yesterday, (which I had to pretend didn’t exist)
So here I am today – feeling very sad, ashamed, angry, guilty, pathetic – in fact I feel completely broken. I’m sobbing as I’m writing this.
I’ve read the relapse solution on day 14 – it makes sense but I just feel that I can’t dig myself out of this hole I’ve dug for myself.
July 25, 2016 at 7:51 am #12762Participant
I have just entered this site and have not started program yet but I’m reaching out because I hear and feel your pain. We’re doing this because we know we have a problem but honestly I can see myself in your shoes. Especially the part about being with family, having a lovely day and saying yes to that one drink which snowballs…I have no wisdom but just want to say you did a really great thing for yourself for 28 days and you can do it again. Be kind to yourself, forgive yourself and move on.
July 25, 2016 at 8:29 am #12763Participant
I feel your pain, I fell off not only Friday, but also Saturday. Just like you, I have nothing good to show for it and am asking myself “why”. I only made 7 days. 28 days is amazing! Our drinking has been a long term pattern, and it is hard work to change the pattern, but going back to our old drinking lives is not an easier life it is only a familiar one. We can both pick ourselves up and move forward to a better way. This morning I am reading through my old journals, it is helping me build myself back up. And I keep reminding it will take a couple days for the fog to lift. Don’t loose hope, you just experienced part of the pendulum swing and you have 28 great days to remind you of the good stuff waiting for you on the other side.
July 25, 2016 at 10:19 am #12766
Thank you mdiane and denevo. Prior to starting this program I have never reached out for help before. I am doing this program in secret ( as I did most of my past drinking! ) – I haven’t even been able to tell my husband. I really appreciate the support and comments from others who know how hard this is. I want so much to succeed.
I have just repeated the time travel technique – this is so powerful. I had tears rolling down my face as I looked at myself drinking 5 years from now. 10 years from now I was no longer alive and could just see my wonderful family without me.
I have got to do this! Today I cannot forgive myself, I’m really giving myself a hard time over Saturday’s slip up but I also know that in the past one slip up has led me to many more and this is certainly not going to happen. I was loving the ‘sober me’ before Saturday and I want that life back!
July 25, 2016 at 11:18 am #12767
Cazfree. You must forgive yourself. You are not your actions. Give yourself empathy. Read my pm. And continue forward. Stay strong. You are becoming a beacon to others. I know, I don’t feel like one either. But there it is. No pressure!!! 🙂 Sina
July 26, 2016 at 6:30 pm #12796Participant
Cazfree. Reading this was like looking in a mirror. I too have never reached out for help and my spouse doesn’t know i am doing this either. I also saw myself dead in 10 years. Please forgive yourself and pick yourself back up from your slip. We are here right now because we know we have to stop. Its hard. Omg its so hard. Even right at this moment im scared for you and for me.
July 26, 2016 at 10:31 pm #12798Participant
Forgive yourself. In my view, that is the essence of change. Use EFT on the emotions you are experiencing.
July 27, 2016 at 12:56 am #12802
Thank you for the support – I cannot say how much I appreciate it and NEED it.
I tried to move on and read days 29 and 30 but they made me feel worse – I couldn’t celebrate 30 days of sobriety when I had just slipped up on day 28! So I have started to read again from day 1. As harryhawaii says this is SO hard but I know I have to do it. I know how great sobriety felt at 24 days before I slipped up. I want my life back.
This time round I’m going to try doing the program in 60 days. I feel some days were rushed and maybe I didn’t give myself enough time for things to sink into my ‘thick head’. I certainly know that the first time round I just didn’t get the ‘tapping’ at all – so thanks 987412365 for the advice I’m going to have a good look at EFT.
It’s now 4 days since my slip up – I am moving forwards. I am again 100% committed to the program. I need the support of this forum – so thanks again. It is wonderful to feel that I’m not alone and others understand. However I still feel very deflated and ‘numb’ from my decision to drink. I am trying but I just cannot forgive myself.
harryhawaii, you are so right – we know we have to stop and if I ever question that I will remember the time travel technique. I am scared too. Good luck to us both.
July 27, 2016 at 5:42 am #12804Participant
You’re doing a great job and use the feelings that you have now to motivate you to continue the journey. After you establish consecutive days as sober, the “fall off the wagon” will become a distant memory. However, don’t completely forget as you will have weak days in the future and use the memory of miserableness and shame to stay on track. Good Luck.
August 1, 2016 at 9:48 am #12864
Hi cazfree53, Please let me/us know how you are doing! We care about you! Sina
August 1, 2016 at 10:30 am #12865
Thank you Sina. I’ve had an emotional couple of days. The morning after another ( inevitable !) slip when my husband just gave me a glass of wine I finally told him that I wanted / desperately needed to stop drinking forever! I cried as I told him that it was a real problem for me and I needed his help. I feel SO relieved! I know he will support me completely and now I can be open with him. I really now feel that I am going to do this. Trying to tackle this in secret from my husband just seemed to be like drinking in secret from him – yet another lie.
I cannot stress how momentous this has been for me. Your comments to me before made me realise I had to be open with my husband. I am so grateful – with this outcome I can now see my recent slips in a very positive way.
I am now working through the program again – I’m 100% committed. I just need to get some momentum going again.
August 1, 2016 at 10:40 am #12866
Caz, words can’t express my happiness and relief for you enough! Shame and secrecy are no friends when you are trying to change a behavior you aren’t proud of. Your path will be that much easier. Congratulations are in order, big time. And don’t forget about the other resources I mentioned. Today would be a very good time to take advantage. I’ll pm you….Sina
August 5, 2016 at 9:32 am #12933Participant
Cazfree53, it sounds like you’ve made a major break through! Good for you! I’m sure it’s got to be a relief to know that you can now do this openly and even have discussions with your spouse about the different topics and particular action steps you’re working on. Hearing you say you’re 100% committed is really exciting and I have a feeling you’re going to have a success story to share at the end of your 30 Days. 🙂 I am looking at going through it again myself as there are lots of solutions that I really need to work through at a deeper level. I found that I would do what was required for each day, but it has been hard to implement everything that I learned each day. Lord knows I have plenty of opportunities to practice my breathing and meditation, etc. 🙂 Take care and best wishes as you share this journey with your spouse.
December 20, 2017 at 10:23 pm #19768Participant
I had a similar experience not to long ago which ended up driving the porcelain bus – something I have not done in years!
Once our bodies started getting clean we must be wary not to go back to our previous levels of consumption – very dangerous. I say this for myself as well.
We all feel so much better when sober.
So what to do? What can we say to ourselves when the old messages pop up?
The only thing that has ever worked for me in the past is 100% committed.
Join a group of us embarking on the 365 Day Solution staring on Jan 2018.
You down? Approach it as an experiment. I am.
I will need fellow scientists as I am shaky as you.
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