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May 1, 2017 at 4:19 pm #17570Participant
Hey there 30DS crew. Thanks everyone for your encouraging posts – I really appreciate the camaraderie here!
I am working the courage solution and the emotional sobriety solution. I have been butting up against the feeling that I have some big decisions on the horizon, and I am doing my best to stay in the moment and work the 30DS goals and defer the decisions until at least another few weeks.
I have a few hints of new ways of looking at things – I think my biggest struggle is that I worry so much about hurting people that I can tend to give too much and then check out for a while. I am a bit anguished with how to keep things going with my partner in sobriety – I notice he is very negative and tends to feed on negative energy. I am using the affirmations to keep visualizing success, but it’s been hard the past few days.
One of my insights from this day 23 chapter has been the idea of turning things around with The Work – I am challenging myself to think that perhaps I do not need the respect/love of the people who come up in the exercise. Maybe it’s like the Whitney Houston song “The Greatest Love of All”. Corniness aside, I am thinking there is something to the idea that I have to love and respect myself first.
Thanks for the space to chit chat, and I’m sending everyone good vibes and energy in sobriety 🙂
– peter panda
May 1, 2017 at 7:50 pm #17572Participant
Peter pan, I confess I haven’t read the content of these 2 Solutions in depth recently…
Yeah, the work works !
I would venture the idea that you are not so much worried about hurting your partner’s feelings as you are scared about incurring his wrath..seems like he is the one in control of your relationship..is that the way you perceive it?..maybe I’m barking up the wrong tree?! Would it be unthinkable to start over without this person in your life!? Scary shit, I know!
May 2, 2017 at 7:38 pm #17599Participant
Hi Sina thanks always for the insights and input. I notice an ebb and flow of energy – I notice that without alcohol there to numb things, I am trying to embrace the emotions for the information they may provide. I notice that I am more sensitive to fatigue now – strange when you think about the fact that alcohol is a depressant. I’m really trying to stay humble and just focus on the prime objective of thriving in sobriety and not taking on too much in these first 30 days. I can’t believe it is day 24 already!
Regarding the relationship stuff – my guy and I started as good friends, and the lenses of love have clouded the fact that we want different (and conflicting) things right now in our lives. I think it is hard to get 2 men on track on a good day, without the baggage of each of ours’ pasts and the burdens of a less than accepting world. I would say that I fear his wrath to some degree, but probably fear my own anger more and have a really hard time with guilt/shame. I am meditating on the vision of a mutually supportive and playful relationship – I think if I can keep thriving in sobriety, the details of what decision is right will keep getting clearer…
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