How Can I Make it Through Day 4?

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Participant
7 months, 3 weeks ago.

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  • #121268

    Participant

    This is the hardest day so far and it’s only day 4! All I can think about is how I wanna hit the liquor store and enjoy my Saturday instead of sitting here anxious, unhappy and depressed. I did the reading and the exercises today. I’ve reread by action statement and the forgiveness affirmation. But I can’t seem to internalize this. I can’t forgive myself! It’s me I’m so angry at! I suffer from C-ptsd. An incident when I was only 11 shaped the woman I am today and I am disgusted with the things I’ve done over the years. I know what happened to me wasn’t my fault, but so many I’ve done so shameful things because of that trauma. How am I suppose to forgive myself for that? How am I supposed to forgive the man that did this to me? How do I forgive such horror? It’s at this juncture that I feel this program isn’t going to be able to help me because of this trauma. That this is just too serious an issue to overcome. It’s only 2 o’clock. I have to make it another 8hrs without drinking? How am I gonna make it?! 😞

  • #121270

    Participant

    I was 11 too, C-PTSD also. I know how you feel, day 4 was a tearfest all morning for me. I can forgive everyone else but myself and I keep kicking myself. Overcome (probably never) move on (we do it every day) Move forward (today is the best time to start the rest of my life). The alcohol and the same ole same ole will be there in 30/60/90 but the reboot of the system is a learning curve to help you know that you Can live without and that you Can get through days like this. I could of chosen the old easy way out of my pain, depression, anxiety and unhappiness but I powered through day 4 with the 100%. When I woke up on day 5 I was better.
    Today is a hard one for me, yesterday was my B-Day and all of them called to do the obligatory… I made it through that and now, all alone, I just want to escape into darkness. I’m trying to make it past 2 o’clock today also, your post came at a good time :). I was good all morning and then I put the dog in the truck and my first thoughts on the road were how much “better” today would be if I had some of my fav… I am going to get outdoors with the dog and then I will reassess. While I am out I will find 5 things to be grateful for and See all the beauty around me. I will eat something and I will make myself stop and breathe for at least 5 minutes (with the help of a youtube 5min meditation), I will think positively about myself and repeat the I love myself mantra (even though I, some days, loathe myself), I will watch my mental video of the before me, and think about all the reasons I have to not be that me, and I will think positive thoughts surrounding the new me I will become, and I will do all of this before making the decision to throw out my 100% resolve to make it through this 30 days. All I need to do is make it back home and I’ll be ok.
    P.S. I stopped to do this as well. Thank you for helping me.
    I can do it! You can do it! We are worth it!! Hugs to you!!!

    • #121271

      Participant

      Thank you so much for the encouragement. I really, really need it! I’m still very anxious BUT I’m still 100% committed and didn’t go to the liquor store! It’s almost 6 now. I did some much needed housework and a bit of reading. Now I’m gonna do some work…I’m on disability currently but I help my mom out doing bookkeeping from home. That should consume and hour or two. And by then it’ll be time to do all my review, have my tea, and do some reading. And take a very hot, soothing shower! The first few days seemed easy. But today my kids are back from their dads and I found myself really struggling with sobriety. They are stressful! Lol. I know they don’t mean to be but dealing with them fighting always stresses me out and brings on my anxiety. And I used to deal with that anxiety by getting a little drunk and a little more easy going. But today I had to deal with it sober and it was hard! But I did it! Thanks again for your kind words! And I wish you all he best in this journey! It’s not easy but it’s gonna be so worth it!

  • #121274

    Participant

    Good solutions for your “witching” hour. I love tea and soaking in hot water too, now that my antifreeze isn’t in me. And reading is something I have missed, so I am doing more and more of that too. All I do when I drink is zone on the tv and forget the ending of movies.
    The anxiety is some days overwhelming, I know the meditation solution is in a further chapter, but I implore you to try it out today. Start with a quick 2 or 5 minute meditation (just google 2 min meditation and a youtube video pops up) and then try some that are more specific to what you are looking for, a certain voice, subject, background; waves, birds, rain etc… It has helped me so much more that it is apparent in the beginning. It seems too simple, but I used to have full blown panic attacks and now, if I keep up even just a quick daily meditation, it has me calm the whole day. I don’t know why it works so well (and there are lots saying why and that it does) but I have found it invaluable. I was so skeptical in the beginning but I am glad I kept at it. Try it, I hope you like it.
    Some days are easier than others, but this is about learning that you can get through this and not drink. YOu are strong and you are gonna be so glad you did this. Just hold out through these 30 and you will begin to see that you can live without. If you decide to go back then you have this foundation to tell yourself that you can and it will become easier to come back. Oh, and if you find yourself relapsing go immediately to the relapse solution under bonus section day 14. It is part of the learning curve we all have to go through. Don’t kick yourself too hard, you are doing this! And the fact that you are says volumes about the person you want to and will become.
    Soooo worth it you are!

    • #121277

      Participant

      Thanks for your kind words. Sorry it took me so long to respond but I didn’t see it till today. Today is now day 8! Day five was a bit of a hurdle. But the last two days have felt easier. I’ve been keeping busy and that helps. Meditation has been part of my life for years but I have gotten lax with it. I’ll start doing it again. I know the benefits of it. I’m similar to you in that I love reading but hadn’t been doing much of it because tv and wine filled every night. But this past week I’ve been able to read before bed every night and have read over 100 pages, something I haven’t been capable of in years! That makes me feel so good! I can do this! I know I can! Thank you again for reaching out to me. I appreciate the encouragement tremendously!

      • #121278

        Participant

        Congratulations into Day 8. I am reading your posts because I, too, am having drinking thoughts today. My arm and shoulder physically hurt from writing my forgiveness letters. The one to myself was a really painful one. Then I read the bonus material about shame and guilt. Gotta work on my shame.

        • #121279

          Participant

          I took day 8 off from reading. In fact I didn’t even do home work during the day today. But the evening is here (it’s 8:30pm) and it’s time to get back to it. I’m going to read the bonus material you mentioned about shame. Cuz oh boy, do I have a lot of it. I think the reason I took the break today is because even after the forgiveness exercises I still don’t feel I can ever forgive and let go of the things I’ve done. So I am gonna spend tonight and tomorrow really reading up on forgiving myself and accepting me as I am now. That’s gonna be really hard. I know it. But if I don’t do this, I know I’ll struggle going forward. I’ll struggle having a reason to thrive while sober. And I need that desperately!!

          And maybe you need that, too? Like pegacornj said, meditation works well, at least it does for me. I am gonna do some reading then I’m gonna find some loving kindness and forgiveness mediation to do. Amd hopefully get to bed on time and be awake to face tomorrow! Big challenge for me tomorrow as I’m going to a “thing” with friends and it’s at a restaurant and lot of others will be drinking. Wish me luck!

  • #121282

    Participant

    I hope your day went well. Gobble Gobble! Happy No T-Day here.
    Most T-Days are started with me frying up the liver with butter and garlic, while making the giblets, stuffing and gravy broth, sipping wine and enjoying the rest of the morning cooking with a buzz. When people are there to be fed, I am drunk and embarrassing. I usually nap/pass out, then wake up alone with clean up and regrets.
    Today I started alone and will end up alone but I have cooked sober, cooked healthy veggies, have eaten delicious veggies and drank a fall spiced probiotic, with no regrets and no drama. I won’t take a nap, but I will read till I am satisfied, then eat some more healthy food and then go to sleep and wake up sober. Over all a good day for me. I am not lonely, just alone. I am ok today.
    Hope you all fared as well or better. Luck, determination, Grace and 100% to all. Worth it we are!

  • #121285

    Participant

    Hi @Serra7129 and @pegacornj and @123susanb26 .
    Here is a link to a video about Forgiveness. You may have seen it bc its been posted several times
    I hope it’s of value to you.

    Onward! Sina

  • #121286

    Participant

    Here is a perspective on Guilt and Shame offered by Annie Grace, author of This Naked Mind

  • #121289

    Participant

    Thanks sina,

    I Did watch him last time you posted. Letting go, not forgetting, but letting go.
    I like her. Guilt and regret ok and part of learning. Loathing narcissistic. Got it.
    I love myself, I love myself, I love myself, I love myself, I love myself…

  • #121317

    Participant

    Thank you all for such positive posts. Day 7 for me but I found Day 4 really hard – not really sure why. Dealing with not drinking that day was ok but doing the solutions I found tough. Its really great to know others are working as hard to beat this thing.

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