Home Page › All Forums › Day 17 – The Eternal Optimist Solution Community Forum › I'm not going to 'understand or forgive'
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October 23, 2019 at 4:01 pm #122703Participant
I got a bit annoyed today with the notion that we should simply ‘understand and forgive’ those that may have harmed us.
I think this ‘one size fits all’ singularly fails if the action against you is profoundly serious and has caused significant harm. How can you equate a small annoying action with something blatantly profound, that causes havoc, damage and profound distress?
I have no intention of trying to ‘understand’ the actions of the person who hurt me – an action which was blatantly wrong. There is no excuse and certainly no room for ‘understanding’. As for forgiveness? There should be a different word – as in my mind, forgiveness means somehow moving on whilst not acknowledging the seriousness of the actions of the other (or something like that)
No. I won’t understand nor ever forgive and yet I remain sober on Day 17.
I stumbled, early on in week 1 with the forgiveness aspect as I don’t think it adequately acknowledges that sometimes things are done to people that are ‘so much more’ than a simple ‘oh, moving on…’ Delving back into harmful actions can also TRIGGER people, so this needs to be addressed too. Some people drink to help with triggering.I find being asked to go back and give people a blanket ‘forgiveness’ is extremely triggering and it almost derailed me.
This needs to be acknowledged. Sometimes it’s not just a matter of waving a magic wand and everything falls into place.
I’m just saying. I love every aspect of this journey otherwise, BUT for those of us struggling with actions that were seriously harmful, there needs to be a different wording I think.
October 25, 2019 at 11:52 am #122713Participant
I hear your Frustration and anger.
The “Total Truth Process” (pg 89) still has value. Writing/ journaling using the suggested phrases as a jumping off point has a cathartic effect. Holding on to the injustices visited upon you in the past impedes our growth. At least this is true for me.
Here is a video I have shared many times and which has given me Clarity and Peace.
Let me know your thoughts Friend!
November 18, 2019 at 8:25 pm #122809Participant
That video is very helpful. Thanks!
November 18, 2019 at 8:56 pm #122811Participant
The video has helped me. I am glad it gave you some clarity as well.
We cannot go back in time. Our hope lies in accepting that which we can’t change and becoming stronger.
November 20, 2019 at 6:54 am #122817Participant
Thanks for that video It was really helpful to me.
May 22, 2020 at 3:53 am #123647
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