Letting out a bit of anger…

This topic contains 4 replies, has 5 voices, and was last updated by

 
Participant
5 days, 9 hours ago.

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  • #120762

    Participant

    Ok so here goes… I’m a very angry person inside I think, even though I’m a happy smiley person on the outside. This is why:
    My parents never really looked after me as they did the others. I’m the youngest of four and they were sick of child raising by the time they had me. They went out to work but straight to the pub after since I was five, leaving my elder sublings to be mean to me. I missed my mum so much. Instead, as I got older, I just started to hang around on the park until about ten at night alone, even at only eleven years old. I’m angry and sad that they never felt I was worth sticking around for.

    I met and dated ‘bad boys’ as i turned 15, and my parents told me they were ashamed of me. they gave me money to go drinking in town with my siblings instead. I’m angry that they couldn’t love me and instead sent me drinking, a path I’ve never got off.

    Then I had three children by the time I was 20 – my mum and dad split up, dad was suicidal, mum left for a year and told my siblings where she was, but not me. I looked after dad and my partner had an affair with a 15 year old and left me. He got into drugs and I had to fight through the courts to stop him seeing our children who he abused.

    I met my current husband, who has been physically and emotionally abusive throughout our 22 year marriage. I have worked hard, been kind, provided for the fanily, while he did not, and I have four wonderful, intelligent, successful children, yet I am angry that my needs were never met. I never had financial support or love. I took all the stress and though I have a very succesful career as a Head Teacher, I am sad that I have had to bust a gut for every single thing in life.

    My dad came to live with me three years ago after we found out he had lung cancer. I cared for him at home and he died in my arms after six weeks. My mother resents me caring for him, as did my siblings, and now I don’t see or speak to any of them. They told me not to come to the funeral, or speak at it, but I had to pay for it. I’m not sure I can ever forgive them.

    My husband is still hanging on to me – I love him as we’ve been tgother for so long, but not as a partner. Yet he’ll never let me go. he’s still emotionally abusive.

    So there we go! I’m just a great big ball of anger and resentment, and I’m not sure I can let go of any of it! Thanks for listening and letting me rant x

  • #120770

    Participant

    Dear Lindsey7482 … My heart goes out to you! Your story is amazing. It sounds like things have been very difficult for you. I’m sorry any child or young woman would ever have to experience this. This world can be so tough, but it can also be so wonderful. It sounds like you are gravitating toward the wonderful. Within your story I see some positive things, too. You made a great career for yourself, and your own children sound like a blessing.
    I particularly like the part where you see yourself as a kind person. To be able to say that after all you’ve been through is Everything!!!
    Stay on this course! You will see wonderful things in life!
    God bless you!
    -k

    • #120828

      Participant

      I hear your sadness and anger for all the terrible injustices which befell you! I’m so sorry you had to endure that pain. That you’ve survived and come this far is a testimony to your strength!
      Here is a short video which has helped me. I hope you find value in it as well.
      Keep going! I’m rooting for you!
      Onward! Sina

  • #120800

    Participant

    Dear Lindsey,

    I am sorry to read your story. My childhood was a shit show too. I hope you are sticking with the program. It’s been up and down for me. I am on day 26 without wine. I moved through the first couple of weeks okay but the last week has been really trying. Lots of mood swings and weepiness. I hope I can stick this out.

    Hang in there. I will try to too.

  • #120821

    Participant

    Dear Lindsay,

    Thank you for sharing your story. Selfishly it gave me comfort knowing that there are others who have had to endure immense hardships as I have. I have learned to accept that I am not my past and am not the actions that have been done to me. Maybe this will help you? Staying strong and overcoming life’s demons has shown me that there is a better tomorrow if we are honest and show perseverance in our actions. I had a rough break up and have been single ever since to avoid that pain. The loneliness of being single drew me to the bar life. The bar life and drinking set me on a 5 year course of bad decisions and a stagnant career. Once I addressed that this was a root cause, I was able to own it and move on. There is so much beauty in this world that can only be experienced through a sober lens. I am happier than ever. Thank you for sharing and I know that you too will learn to be happy!!!

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