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August 30, 2017 at 7:38 pm #18910
I’m past day 10 but I decided to linger here a few more days. This solution has been so important. My core values are Achievement, Creativity, Consistency, Focus, Health, Loyalty, Tolerance. My rock bottom was when I realized that I truly have to choose between whether I would be a creative person (Writer and Songwriter) or I would be a drinker. Steven King, James Taylor and many more somehow were able to do great creative work while zonked, but it absolutely does not work for me. The moment alcohol touches my lips my creative drive begins to die and it dies fast. So…Will I be a Writer or Will I be a Drinker? I must choose.
The breakthrough came this week when I realized how mad I got at alcohol and myself for letting this happen. I despise alcohol now because it steals my dream every time. I’m so pissed! I am determined to associate a high level of pain with alcohol stealing my creative dreams. I see it as a poison but even more as a rotten, stinking thief and trickster that steals my dream and leaves me feeling like loser. No more! The marketing of alcohol is a total lie. Suddenly, in just a day or two it all came to me. I despise all alcohol, whether beer, wine or hard liquor and I reject all false promises made by alcohol marketing. All it represents to me now is intense pain. Pain of failing myself. All of sudden, drinking feels like suicide. I am literally killing my dreams and thereby actually killing myself. No more. Anybody reach this moment?
August 31, 2017 at 1:47 pm #18917Participant
you will be succesfull as you know this important question for you. I am really happy that you had your breakthrough. You will choose life and not death! For me is a first day and thank you for this you shared with us. You are not a loser, this is only what the devil tells you. You are wunderfully made and full of potentials. I wish you joy in the next days!
September 1, 2017 at 7:08 am #18920Participant
Congratulations on your breakthrough and your success! I loved your post and definitely reached this moment when doing the 30DSS program. There is a great quote later in the book (pg. 465) that seems especially relevant to your post:
“Substance-abusing writers are just substance abusers – common garden-variety drunks and druggies, in other words. Any claims that the drugs and alcohol are necessary to dull a finer sensibility are just the usual self-serving bullshit.”
So I think Stephen King agrees with you in that the alcohol robs you of your creativity and only holds you back. I felt very much like you did after examining what I was doing and it’s effect on my life. The times that I turned to alcohol were times that I ran away and were times lost forever – not doing anything creative, positive or joyful. And I agree with you in that the advertising around alcohol is all bullshit – and I have reprogrammed this advertising and like you – now associate alcohol for what it really does to me – cause pain, lost opportunity and time away from loved ones. The truth does make it much easier to say “no thanks”.
I am very happy for you and wish you the best on your continued journey! Keep posting!
September 1, 2017 at 10:32 am #18923
Thank you to csobanka and to ursaminor,
Your comments are of great help to me. I know triggers will still pop up when least expected but I feel much more ready now. This truly is a choice between life and death, at least to me. I do not grieve for time lost I only look forward to all the great time ahead. Life is to be lived !
Keep on Rockin!
October 6, 2017 at 10:19 am #19159
Well, Isn’t life always full of surprises? Here i am a month later not celebrating 49 days but 11 days. But hey, I burn the mistakes and reboot. Feeling great – I feel even more clear now about the future. JohnnyOOOOOOOOOOO
October 8, 2017 at 5:55 am #19177
Hi JohnnyO, glad your feeling better. Back to day 1. Not feeling well this morning. Starting over. Stay strong. Seems I do well for one week then crash. Can’t seem to accept me. Glenda doesn’t know best.
October 8, 2017 at 9:10 am #19178
Back on the saddle! Giddy up… I pray we all experience Gods grace and are mindful of His presence as we maneuver through life. God is good and He loves us completely- the good and bad. Acceptance is key. Change is good. Let Jesus help you. He is ready and able. Trust.
October 9, 2017 at 6:49 pm #19196
Glenda: How are you? I fell off the horse this weekend. Everybody has a complicated story but my soulmate wrote to me from 1800 miles away. Next thing you know I am drinking a certain red wine and well….the rest is a slide into the lake. Every failure is a little more information about why I drink and why I need to move on. Back to Day 1. Time to move forward. I pray every day. JohnnyO
October 9, 2017 at 7:26 pm #19197
Hi Johnny O, another day of amazing grace! The best short story: God loves, we sin, Jesus saves! Prayer for you, strength to carry forward, peace to be, and love to expand. Blessings. Glenda
October 11, 2017 at 3:08 pm #19209
glendaknowsbest: I agree with everything you said. I pray everyday for strength and I have felt God’s touch in my life. Peace and I hope you are well. One day forward – One day at a time. JohnnyO
October 16, 2017 at 6:37 pm #19251
Hi Y’all, I took a few days off and I haven’t heard from anyone!
How are you all? I’m great.
October 17, 2017 at 5:47 pm #19256
Hi Johnny, doing ok. Gotta a little crazy today… but no desire to drink! It’s hard when things change and life has disruptions… still trying to be content and emotionally stable in all circumstances. Glad your doing well. Blessings!
October 24, 2017 at 3:22 pm #19321Participant
I have just hit Day 10, and it hasn’t gotten easier. I am craving a drink, I truly didn’t think that would happen to me. I am day-dreaming of drinking. BUT, looking at my core values is difficult. I am all mixed up on what they are.
it is great to read all these posts. Johnny O, you are awesome. I so admire you getting right back on the sobriety program and your honesty. I so want honesty to be on of my core values.
Glendaknowsbest – really does! such great words of encouragement and support.
thanks for posting it really gives me encouragement
October 26, 2017 at 6:06 pm #19335
Two weeks tomorrow and I’m exhausted – canceled dinner plans tonight. Not sure what’s going on… lots of emo. Anyway, writing to say hi and pray everyone is grooving smoothly.
November 22, 2017 at 8:00 pm #19587Participant
Hi Johnny et. al.
Hope you are doing well & writing.
I feel the same way about booze & acting. There is so much pressure to be in shape (unless one is a character actor) & my nightly drinking habit definitely sabotaged my appearance & motivation to go to class & audition. I am turning it around one evening at a time. Still about 15lbs over my camera weight but it is just a question of time & dedication as long as I stick to this program. I need to really delve into the pain that alcohol brought me so it sticks!
PS – your post reminded me of the movie The Forgotten Weekend. Have you seen it?
I think you will relate. The main character was a writer but because of booze he could never finish his novels.
I hope you overcome!
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