Home Page › All Forums › Day 21 – The Review Day & Bonus Solution Community Forum › Peer Pressure i need more excuses.
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December 3, 2016 at 2:38 am #15220Participant
I am supposed to go on vacation with my bf on the 10th of December. I will be meeting his family for the 1st time. I told him i don’t want to drink coz i can’t afford alcohol. I did this because when i told him i had a drinking problem coz spending $100 a weekend on alcohol wasn’t normal he lectured me and argued with me about how i am a stickler and and weird.
I will have completed the 30 days but i don’t want to drink on this holiday….. i have been warned that if i do not participate in the intake of alcohol i will be judged and sit on the sidelines and pout. i am looking for creative reasons not to drink….. because i honestly don’t care if they judge me……..
December 3, 2016 at 2:39 am #15221Participant
PS: it’s true that i cannot afford alcohol…. a $100 a week caused me a lot of problems.
December 3, 2016 at 4:31 pm #15230Participant
If your bf cares about you at all, he will respect your wishes and support your desire to not drink. Don’t lose control of your senses in what will already be a stressful situation. Listen to your inner voice and do what YOU know is right for YOU, not what your BF thinks. Re-read your journal entries for re-inforcement.
December 5, 2016 at 8:31 pm #15245Participant
Kray! Congratulations on your success and your resolve to continue to thrive in your sobriety, in spite of the challenges your bf is presenting you. Honestly, I don’t think you need any “excuses” for not wanting to drink. Honesty and simplicity are what work for me. “No thanks” and “I don’t drink because I don’t want to” are perfectly good answers for anyone who asks. I’ve only gotten respectful acknowledgement from my friends and family when they encounter my new, sober life. I’ve been to a number of gatherings where people were drinking since I began thriving in my sobriety in August, and no one told me I couldn’t participate and engage with whomever I wanted because I wasn’t drinking.
I’d say that maintaining your sobriety is way more important than anything else right now, and giving that up just because your bf is uncomfortable with the idea of you not drinking just doesn’t even come close to being anything even worth considering. I’d suggest that he’s just going to have to find a way to deal with himself because you’re doing a much better job than he is! And think of the great first impression you’ll make! I bet they’ll just love and adore you for being the voice of reason in your bf’s life.
December 7, 2016 at 7:01 am #15259Participant
This is harsh but maybe this is not a friendship you need in your life right now. I know from experience, if you cannot be up front with your friend before going on this trip you will more than likely relapse.
December 10, 2016 at 8:53 am #15279Participant
I agree with Kathleen2016. Consider looking long and hard at that relationship. Someone who loves you will respect your autonomy and decisions about your own health and body. Do you need to provide an excuse or might you just say “I’m choosing not to drink because I feel better when I don’t. But I don’t judge others who do”?
Don’t get drawn into arguments about it, just be a pleasant “broken record” and repeat this or another self-affirmating statement that you devise yourself.
Also, anytime someone asks you a “why” question that you know will lead to a futile and frustrating argument, you have the option to say “I don’t have to have a reason” or “I don’t have to explain this to you.” It’s ok not to please other people who want/expect you to do something that you know is harmful to you.
An assertiveness course or book might be useful. Not drinking will help you be stronger in using these responses.
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