Relapse Enlightenment? Why can't you JUST quit????

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3 years, 12 months ago.

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  • #10055


    I drank 2 days ago. Two gin and tonics at the bar and 2 glasses of wine at a restaurant. (Now that is not much next to the oceans I usually imbibed.) My wife mentioned the fact that this program is obviously not working since I drank and now I should go to an inpatient rehab, along with (“Why can’t you just quit, JP?”) But there is something that I observed. After I was drinking, I thought… I want this to wear off to get my good sober feeling again. I have NEVER EVER thought this way. Feel better sober than buzzed? Crazy. I was feeling relaxed sober- off the booze and pills for once in years and years. And it felt nice. This awful feeling I normally get in the pit of my stomach was gone. In the past, this feeling had me running for a drink, whether that be 6am or 6pm. Didn’t matter. So please- take the relapse as something you just might do. You had a habit and sometimes in trying to quit you may break it. Just don’t doubt your decision to take control of your drinking, ever.

  • #10070


    Jet, If I am reading correctly and my memory is right, you’ve talked about your wife being pretty hell bent on you going to a rehab facility, no? If I may be so bold to ask, why is this? I’m sure I could come up with some of the obvious reasons, but I thought it best to just ask. You certainly have the right to not answer, and if you tell me to get bent and F off, I will completely respect you for it.

  • #10075


    Hey Ground066-

    Of course I will answer- we are non-drinking buddies! Actually, I am glad you asked; it is a good question. When my wife was young, she had a neighbor her age who was suffering some kind of birth defect and could get no relief. Then the boy went to a new hospital that cured him with a series of operations which was quite miraculous for all around him. At the beginning of this year, my wife went to a conference and struck up a conversation with someone who had gone to inpatient alcohol and drug rehab in this same hospital. He told her he was now feeling good and that the program helped him stop drinking and drugging. I guess she thought I would have no more arrests, drunk nights or emergency room visits if I attended.
    (I know it has been rough for her.)

    Well, this started her on a quest to get me into that program. She had never thought of inpatient rehab before this. I called the hospital and what I found out I didn’t like. It is a twelve step program with two AA/NA meetings a day. They do not do PTSD Counseling (my big trouble) or grief counseling (my other big trouble). I asked her, “Do you know the curriculum? What do the patients do all day? Do they quote a success rate?” She had no idea; she was just going on what someone else told her. I also asked her if she knew why this particular person went to this program. She didn’t know. She was impressed with the medical treatment of her neighbour, but rehab is an entirely different situation. Now she is upset with me for not going there. She said, “Well if you had gone in January as I told you to you would have all of this behind you.” As though drug and alcohol abuse were like a bout with the flu and bad bronchitis. I told her that it wasn’t as simple as that and that the success rate is very low for those types of programs. She also has never been to an AA meeting, but she is a big believer in the organization.

    I suppose that what we all can take from this is very simple: not everyone will understand the 30 Day Solution and how it works. Thank you again for your input- I get a lot of insight and help from your posts.
    Happy fishing-

  • #10080


    Tough story Jetpatriot. Hmm that sounded rough but I meant a hard situation for you. You are strong and brave for starting this challenge and posting. Keep it up.
    Suggestion. Since your wife has had to clean up after you and suggested A program and you are already talking, brace yourself crazy wildassed idea coming, why not show her the book? She sounds like an ally. She’ll gain comfort knowing you ARE trying something. And she’ll see it is working. And she will support you.

    She only suggested rehab because she is grasping at straws and it is all she knew.

    I don’t think it is that risky in this particular situation. So confident am I that I offer my couch if wrong?

    Best wishes. Let us know how it works out.

  • #10082


    @jetpatriot – not one of the reasons I had developed in my head. My wife has also brought it up to me a couple for times but I would shoot it down. AA scares the jellybean out of me, and I can’t afford (time or money) a rehab facility. From what I gather, they are really not that effective. I’m gonna have to agree with HapE, if you haven’t shown her the book, maybe you should. She can at least read through the first part and get an idea of its potential.

    @hape – nice suggestion. It’s just crazy enough to work.

  • #10146


    Hi ground066 and Hape,

    Always glad to see you guys here. My wife did see the book; she does not really believe in all that “fruit and nut stuff” like tapping and life coaches. She kind of makes fun of me and the fact I am from California. She stereotypes the typical Californian to “sleep under pyramids and consult Tarot cards” and have the idea of listening to music is “listening to a monotone going through a prism”. So the book is a bit funny to her. She is kind of old school, so the idea of rehab and AA make sense to her. But here I sit with no craving to drink whatsoever, and it is thanks to the book, there forums and people like you guys. I don’t need your couch YET, Hape, but let me put a reservation on it.

    Thank you again- you rock.


  • #10149


    Playing devils advocate here, but I recently went to Santa Monica and Los Angeles, via a layover in San Francisco…and it was another world. Different animals wandering the savannahs.

    Stay strong. You’re like a yoda, and you are strong in the force. If you know that you can do it n this path, stand up and testify! You can do it! I also have another favorite quote, “I’d give up, but I have too many motherfuckers to prove wrong!”

  • #10164


    ground066 are you a mind reader? At the end of the last post I wrote, “The Force is strong in you guys” but then erased it for fear of sounding too Californian. Yesss… in Cali there are, as you say, many different animals on the savannah. (Great comparison by the way.) And yes, we have too many motherfuckers to prove wrong. We can’t let all those negative people hang around and stink up our lives. Hope you are not spending tonight on the couch-


  • #10170


    No couch. We had a long conversation on the ride home…6 hours. Anyway, i found out that the reason she was pissed at me was because she had been drinking too. She blamed me, “If you hadn’t fallen off the wagon, then I wouldn’t have either!” We had to work that out. I told her that I can’t be responsible for the both of us, that’s just too much for me to carry. I will always be there to help, talk, comfort, support, congratulate, or anything else. I just can’t carry the torch for us both. She seemed to understand. So we are both starting over today.

  • #10182


    Oh wow! Perhaps I missed this before but you and your wife are working on this together? You talked? To each other? And you said I had crazy ideas! ?
    Wonderful! Two against one, unstoppable.
    Keep it up.
    What I’ve read is just you getting into really working on it. Like you I had days I raced through because I had more important stuff. Then I remembered beginning of book. Nothing is more important for 30 days than sobriety.
    Wow. Congratulations on starting over.
    Day One. I am very proud of you ground066. A difficult. But excellent choice.
    Oh, I really liked the way you asserted yourself that you couldn’t carry both of you. Fantastic better for her success and yours.

  • #10188


    Yes, we are going sober at the same time. She is taking the Will Power route and I chose the book. By the way, I am growing weary of calling it the “book” or the “program.” Kinda makes me feel like I’m in a cult. Maybe I will start referring to it as the “Mist Parrot.” You know, “Well, the Mist Parrot comes to talk to me every night at the edge of the dark forest. He tells me of the platinum spiral staircase of righteousness and instructs me through telepathy in how to climb one step each day to achieve sobriety.” Hell, if I’m gonna sound like I’m in a cult, might as well make it a bat shit crazy cult. Sorry…I digress.

    Anyway, she will do fine as long as it is not in the house. She is a school teacher and we live in a relatively small town, so she is horrified to even consider swinging by the liquor store or pick some up at the grocery store. Me, not so much. I’d ride my bicycle in my underwear through a hail storm to buy some…or at least I would have. Anyway, I will leave her to fight her internal struggles (unless she asks for assistance), but since I am back in the cage for match two, not having it at home will not be a problem.

  • #10239


    Ground066 yeah I get your wit on the “book”. Noticed the cult like phrasing in my own posts. But like so much in life words have meanings in context. Good phrases have been stolen by bad like cults. Mather than trying to find new words I’m just rolling with it. At least inside these walls. Sure wouldn’t talk this way at a party.?

    Excellent approach with wife. Love it. Leave her on her own journey as it is different for each but be there with quick hand when requested. Very loving from a guy who wrote what a bastardized he was just a week ago ?

  • #12534


    Thank you for the excellent dialogue and insight – you caught my attention referring to having four drinks one night and that being a good night, and also, wanting the buzz to wear off so you can feel better. I’ve been drinking for 43 years now, sometimes less, sometimes more. The last ten years or so, after 3-4 glasses of wine, I can’t stop, and then I can’t remember anything – and that is scary.

    I’m on day 15 (doing the 60-day plan), and doing so much better than using the “willpower” method. Many more days of sobriety, many less days of over-drinking. I appreciate the nonjudgmental approach from the book, website and forum, and I appreciate the privacy to do the solutions in my own time. I want my husband to join me someday in this endeavor, he is scaring me. We were drinking partners for many years, and he drinks to self-medicate (as I did too, for different reasons.) So I appreciate your example of working with your wife, in your own ways, to accomplish the same thing. Best wishes!

    Keep up the good work.

    • #12537


      Bbmom30, please go to your profile. I’m leaving you a pm. Congratulations on getting started. Good things are in store!

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