Relapse

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Participant
4 months, 3 weeks ago.

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  • #15724

    Participant

    I’m so glad I read the 2nd bonus reading on relapsing It really resonated with me….before reading it I was in fear of relapsing. What was I going to do if it happened, how would I explain myself, how would I get back on track…just fear…which I think was pushing me towards relapse.
    Now, I have a sense of ease. I do not feel that pressure and I now know what I will do if I do relapse….I’ll pick myself back up and push through. I’ve got this.
    28 days today 🙂

  • #15806

    Participant

    Curious to know if you tried the tapping method and what you thought. And congrats by the way!

    • #15823

      Participant

      Hey there dmilove69! Thank you…I’m pretty proud of myself and I feel great (a new clarity).
      I did try tapping and found it very effective. Once I got over the feeling of looking nuts tapping on myself, I truly relaxed. I had not been able to sleep solid for 20+ days…I’d wake up every 2 hours and sit and ponder why I was awake. Drinking (I should say getting drunk) put me to sleep (my mind races).
      My MPI was that I could not relax without alcohol. I tapped the “belief” away. I slept solid for the first time. I was amazed and I’m still amazed.
      Did you try it? Was it Successful or Overwhelming?

  • #20154

    Participant

    I relapsed after 19 days in the program. That’s the longest I’ve been sober in 4 years. I was what AA called a dry drunk before that with 9 sober years.

    This time around, I’ve been more productive than ever before, even when I was sober long-term. I am finding the solutions and action steps to be very helpful.

    Learning and writing down my triggers have helped me and I glad to know that I don’t have to start all over.

    I did not complete Day 19, so after completing the recommendations on Day 14, I’ll complete Day 19 and move on.

    It’s just so hard not to feel ashamed, and worthless.

    Tapping was helpful too.

  • #75246

    Participant

    Hi everyone..the 18th of this month..I relapsed..I really got mad about a certain
    Situation..but I’m okay now..I will not give up..I’ve worked to hard to get where I’m at now…thanks for the relapse solution.. I don’t feel to bad..

    • #76734

      Participant

      Hey @buddy_1948, a slip doesn’t have to portend a full Relapse.
      SMART Recovery makes a distinction between a Lapse and a Relapse. Just climb back aboard the Sober Coaster and hang On!
      Congratulations on your continuing Sobriety.
      Onward! Sina

  • #119629

    Participant

    I’m adding to the Wall of Shame. My fall off the wagon came unexpectedly in the form of a catered party with free drinks! I went to the event all excited (it was a Hand Maid’s Tale wrap party & I’m a huge fan). My mistake was not prepping before the party. Frankly, I was so sure of my sobriety that I did not even think it necessary plus I was really excited about the event itself so I did not even ponder that there would be free drinks but oh what a spread it was. I got swept up in the euphoria of it all and when my friend said “Let’s grab a drink” I thought, “Why not? It’s only one AND it’s free! It’s not like I’m paying to pollute myself.” Three drinks later, they closed down the bar (it was a week night). On my way home I u-turned to the liquor store and bought a airplane-sized mini bottle of wine with the justification that it was portion controlled and since I had already fallen off the wagon may as well have one more…
    The next morning I was SO sick with a migraine, I thought I was going to die & was ill for 4 days – with a fever an everything. When the fever finally broke and I felt I was not going to die, guess what I did? I celebrated not dying by going to a champagne tasting – it was Bastille Day after all. The next day I felt horrible again but went to a World Cup party. My team one, so I took one for the team & my headache. Yesterday I felt horrible again – no energy so I went to a restaurant instead of cooking plus I thought “at a restaurant I can order one glass of wine to get rid of this headache and stop (portion control)” but of course, once you start me up…
    Cut to this morning I look like I got run over by a truck, I feel like shit physically and emotionally & wonder why on God’s Green Earth would I ever put myself through all of the above especially after 2+ weeks of detoxing and feeling (& looking) great? Luckily I have the morning off to regroup, to the meditations & all the necessary exercises in the book. I’m bummed because I feel like I went backwards in my progress with healing and losing weight.
    What I’ve learned is that unfortunately I cannot have “just one” & I kept telling myself the day after – “thing that drink through” and that drink led to my looking and feeling horrible – not to mention having less money for my monthly budget. I don’t have a lot extra after bills. So that ONE free drink a week ago cost me a whole lot!

  • #119630

    Participant

    This site and method seems forgiving to me. We all know how formidable the desire to drink can be. But know, we are formidable, too. It’s a new day to try, try again. I think we can all relate. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and start all over again (I think those are the lyrics – I can hear the tune in my head!) God bless, K

    • #119631

      Participant

      Thanks for responding @katballou – I seriously needed support this AM. Luckily I got a cool job for the day which switched my mindset. Back on track! Resigned that I can’t drink. I used to feel resentful about that but now I feel resigned. Fact of (my) life. Oh well. Glad to realize this as it will save me from a lot (more) pain.
      PS – found a site with free PDF books in case anyone wants to read some of the books in the footnotes.

      The Power of Positive Thinking

      [PDF] [EPUB] The Power of Positive Thinking Download

  • #119684

    Participant

    Hi karakucha … I remember reading “The Power of Positive Thinking” many years ago when I was in my early 20s. It has a powerful message, to be sure. I thought about your recent attempt at trying to have just a drink or two. I’m the same way with it. As I approach day 30 next week I have to consider if I’m just going to stay dry or not. I do not want to feel sick, and I’m sure I will if I take a drink, because it probably won’t be “a” drink. I found myself walking through the liquor area yesterday in one of our stores. I was just looking for a cold non-alc drink, but it was all alcohol. All kinds of rows and bottles of booze. I couldn’t get out of there fast enough. Even though the desire still creeps in, especially during the afternoon hours, my stomach was kind of turning just from being in the booze area of the store. Hopefully, that’s a good sign that something has changed within me.

    • #119699

      Participant

      To @katballou & @pattaya
      Happy to be back on the wagon for two nights now & then I remembered that the end of my 30 days coincides with Comic-Con – it is the 1st year I managed to get a one day pass in their lottery. I don’t want to drink because of my recent past experience AND because I also started Financial Peace University and alcohol is not on my budget.
      This is a good opportunity to put into practice that the event itself and all the people are the reason to enjoy not any potential boozing opportunity.
      As luck would have it, as I was listening to The Power of Now audio book in my (new) car on my way home from work and as I was trying not to think ahead but live in the “now” – BAM – someone hit me from behind on the freeway. Luckily no one was injured except my brand new car.
      Normally, after exchanging info, I would have headed straight to TJs for a bottle (or two) – instead I had Thai food & contemplated that my cooking is much better, healthier & cheaper – I just felt like I needed to go out psychologically. I haven’t lost much weight since cutting out the booze ’cause I keep going out for dinner rather than facing my apartment alone. Restaurant food isn’t great but I’m sure it is healthier than drinking. It’s funny, before the accident, I was feeling kinda sorry for myself EVEN THOUGH it is my choice & desire to be the person I am becoming. It is my choice – no one is forcing me, yet why do I sometimes get whiney inside? I think it is because of the message from Russel Brand & Eckhart Tolle’s books – that basically all these material ways we/I have been using to feel better (wine/vaping/shopping/whatever) are useless & meaningless – and now that I see the reality of it all I feel kinda worse even though there is deep meaning in that. Sometimes it is easier living in a drunken oblivion until your liver bursts or worse, you kill someone by drunk driving. I can understand why people drink or do drugs now more than ever.
      I also see why Dave & Jack say to focus solely on quitting drinking these first 30 days. I have been so tempted to start other improvements & when I cannot I feel disappointed and don’t focus 100% on this first & primary goal. And now, off to read “Mrs. D is Going Without” which is cute but not as good as “The Sober Diaries”
      Night Night

  • #119686

    Participant

    @karakucha .. thanks for your post and honesty. I think this is a great fear for most everyone. It reminds me of page 149 in the chapter on willpower. And those people with tremendous will power can stop drinking for 30 days no problem, all the while planning and visualizing their first drink on day 31. I have done an annual 30 day AF for a number of years (January) and looking back this was always my day 31 pattern. Today is my first real day 31 with no plan and no intention to have a drink. I am going for 60 days AF which coincides with doing this program in 60 days. Keep strong. Start again. This program really does work. Just keep believing in it and yourself.

  • #120746

    Participant

    Day 14 for me. I am just staying focused, but a little worried about going back to my home state and getting off my daily routine. It has been easy to stay on my goals at home. But will just keep going amd thus far, I really enjoy being sober.

  • #120748

    Participant

    Hi chrise86 … I can just imagine how you feel. I will always know. I’m having great success, but will always need to be on guard, especially when stresses and triggers abound!
    Here’s another resource you may like: It’s an app called “Daybreak”. It’s a chat site that is very, very busy. There are constant comments all day long, if you feel like “talking” all day. You install the app, and go from there. It does cost $9.99 a month but maybe you can go in an read the posts for free. If you want to “talk” then you need to join. I think I’m describing this correctly.

  • #120749

    Participant

    I’m on Day 9 of the program….today was a tough day for me. I have several events coming up that are going to be full of friends and booze, and am going to have to work VERY hard to abstain. There are some days I feel fully motivated and don’t crave my beloved wine at all, and days like today where I’m already thinking about how I will approach moderate drinking (something that has never worked well for me in the past). I’m reinforcing the program with other books, which helps a lot, and I listen to them on my daily run (something I’ve gotten back into now that I don’t have a daily headache to deal with). I’m trying not to get too discouraged over the bad days and, instead, focusing on getting through today. I still have a long way to go to get through the full program, so I’m hoping that a few more weeks of this will continue to foster positive change for me. I’m getting a lot out of this program thus far.

  • #120750

    Participant

    Good luck to everyone!! We can do this!!

  • #121540

    Participant

    Hello. First Day of the New Year, and I’m secretly nursing a beer to kill the hangover. My husband has been under a lot of stress recently with work and has been particularly cranky. This has meant a week of being irritable and taking cracks at me. Little things, which tend to get resolved after I start to cry. He’s a good husband but he has bipolar depression and I think he can’t control his mood sometimes. On top of that we found out he has male infertility issues and he’s pretty unmotivated to quit smoking which is a big contributor to our problem.
    I’ve been going strong for 35 days, and have been doing all the steps pretty religiously. I started yesterday optimistically planning my day and writing my resolutions which supported my sobriety goals. I started my own business this month which will generate more income and is a source of excitement for me. I’ve had a lot to feel good about and grateful for. But today I just don’t feel grateful. I feel sad. I feel ashamed and alone. I feel very unmotivated. I don’t even care enough to do the steps. I’m writing this to see if it helps but I know already that today I will let myself drink.
    I know that it’s unfair to blame my husband and that is part of the sick game alcohol plays on us. But I do blame him. I asked him for his help yesterday when he was being mean. He just doesn’t get it. I know I can get back to where I was, tomorrow even.. It just sucks to have all the joy and hope sucked out of me right now and not know what to do… or worse, know and not care enough about it.
    My husband is tip toeing around the house today. He’s pissed that I drank last night because I got too drunk but he doesn’t have time or energy to have a conversation about it. Again, I know I shouldn’t blame him but I do… I feel so alone and disappointed.

    • #121543

      Participant

      Hi @portz218. I hope you will go back to Chapter 1, the 100% Solition. Especially pgs 33-36.
      This your journey alone, your choice alone. I hope you will ne able to focus on the positives in your life when the beer clears your system. It sounds like there is a lot of positivity so think about that! You can’t change another, only yourself. You make a strong case against your husband. Strong and without any benefit to you.
      I hope tomorrow you will pick yourself up and dust yourself off. Its a bump in the road and we learn from the bumps.
      So Onward Friend, get back on the Sober Coaster! 💖

  • #121542

    Participant

    Port218, you arent alone in this. Probably many share in your feelings today, but cannot say they were sober for 35 days prior.

    Seems like 10 steps forward, 2 steps back comes to mind.

    I am starting another 30 days soon. It was such a joy to feel healthy and sober. I typically practice Moderation (Moderation.org). This book gives it a bit of a bad name, but it truly does seem to work for me, staying mindful and not into extremes. I hold a weekly meeting over the phone, and its listed on the website if you are interested. Some meetings focus on pure abstinence, but the basic premise is that moderation is possible with tools of mindfulness.

    Anyway, just thought I would share with you and hope you feel stronger…. baby steps, remember!

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