Share additional myths/lies/limiting beliefs that are limiting you

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  • #4610

    Share some other myths/lies/limiting beliefs that are holding you back in today’s forum thread Day 11 Forum – Limiting Beliefs. By sharing additional limiting beliefs with others, not only will you help them in their brainstorming, but you might also find a limiting belief that you weren’t aware you had.

  • #6332


    I came up with four Limiting Beliefs:
    1. Getting sober is too hard
    2. I have no outlet to relax without alcohol
    3. I can’t handle the cravings – the gap that is left when the clock hits 5 pm
    4. My life feels too empty and alcohol fills that space

    Only two of them are not on the original list of 11. Now what to do with them!

    • #6890


      I always believed I could have “one more weekend” and quit on Monday. Most Monday’s turned into an extension of the weekend.

      • #9712


        Likewise. One week kept flowing into another and the drinking just never stopped. But now following the program I am making progress. Yes I have had a few drinks socially but I am not beating myself up about it.

  • #6382

    Autumn- Replace them with the opposite and post them where you will see them 0 refrigerator, bathroom mirror, dashboard of car, front of your journal.

    1. I have all the internal and external resources to get and stay sober.
    2. I can relax by exercising, doing yoga, meditation, dancing, taking a walk, singing, learning to play an instrument, playing with children, watching a movie or my favorite TV program, getting a massage, sitting in a hot bath, drinking relaxing herbal teas, talking with a friend who totally accepts me.
    3. I can handle the cravings with EFT Tapping (see day 13).
    4. I can fill my life up with reaching out to friends and introducing myself to people I am attracted to, finding activities I like to do (painting, doing yoga, meditating, going to concerts, visiting museums, skiing, playing board games with friends, going to church or a personal development workshop, learning a new language, watching funny videos on YouTube), volunteering my time to a needy organization, being a big sister to someone, etc.

    If you are lonely, you have to find places you can interc=act with people where drinking is not the main activity (bars) …places like parks, sporting events, gyms, concerts … and brave it all by introducing yourself. Remember, the worst that can happen is nothing, and you already have nothing, so it can’t get worse. Reach out to friends and family, coworkers, fellow students and invite them to do something with you – a meal, a walk, a bike ride, a concert, watch a movie together, play a game, etc.

    Hang in there. It gets easier.

    • #7425


      This was my favorite chapter so far and one I applied to all aspects of my life where I struggle (excuse me – “where I have struggled in the past” 🙂 beyond drinking – eating, pursuing my business dreams, having a good relationship with my mother. Such powerful work. I am very grateful for this resource and the opportunity to gradually work through it day by day. Thank you.

  • #6385


    Thanks for the reply. The responses look so positive and possible thanks

    • #6753


      Jack’s ideas are great. I have moved, by myself, from state to state and city to city many, many times. That is a lonely road. One thing has been very important to me in all the new places…Meetup. This isn’t hookup, this is meeting other people and joining them in activities you enjoy. Google the word and you’ll see the huge range of meetup opportunities in your area. Some groups (say hiking, or biking, eating out or cultural meetups) you’ll enjoy more than others so it’s good to try several groups in the same categories. Each comes with it’s own group of people, all over the world.

      For me these have been invaluable opportunities to not feel alone. Best of luck to you!

      • #6788


        Yes. Meetups are good. Not that many in the town I recently moved to but I have joined a couple and now doing this reboot I will attend more often.

        • #7090


          Good for you Autumn!!!!!! In the searching you’ll find new paths as well. Keep up the good work!

      • #9692


        thank you! that is a great idea.

  • #6749


    My limiting beliefs have been around, boredom, loneliness/feeling isolated, and like cjb some of my sober friends are rather boring and judgemental. Clearly need better role models!
    Interestingly I have not felt bored or lonly over the past 11 days of thriving sobriety, in fact have felt happier and more aware. Also more connected as I’m happier and energised, I’m beginning to lead by example, which is something I’ve longed for.
    I’m thinking my disconnected feelings stemmed from first divorce. I was married to the same man for 23 years, I started living with him at 15 years old. When we broke up after his mid life crisis which ‘ seemed to be my fault’ his verbal abusive nagging lead to a deep slump in my confidence. I moved away from him, my support community, my best friends. I have been 16 years trying to find where I fit in. Lol seems such a pity when I think of it now. But I resorted to drinking and it became my ‘friend’. Not a very good one, I must add.
    Finally I’m out of this cycle which has been limiting my life, squashing my dreams, and isolating me from connecting with like minded people.
    Being happy, fun, free, successful, connected, focused and energised is simply more likely while sober.

  • #6752


    Thanks for these, since embarking on this I sought out a really old friend of mine, who hasn’t had a drink in 16 years and who I haven’t seen for 20 years. I always thought it was pretty anti social of him not drinking, only to discover he’s now an MD of a top media outlet in Australia as well as a top sportsman and an amazing family man. He was wonderfully endearing, understanding, warm and friendly, as I sit here craving a drink on a Friday after a tough week, I think of him and how he’s been doing this for so many Friday nights, and how far he’s come in life and if I apply some simple changes I could rise from mediocrity and do great things with my life and with my family.

    P.S. He said call me on day 31 and we’ll plan the next 30, ie so you don’t go and get langered!! My drinking mates wouldn’t say that!!

    • #12451


      I came up with a few Limiting Beliefs:
      These are very much the same as others.

      1. Getting sober is difficult and a bit hard
      2. I don’t need to quit but just cut down and I’ll do just fine
      3. I have no outlet to relax without alcohol
      4. I can’t handle the cravings I get all the time
      5. My life feels too empty and alcohol fills that space
      6. Life is boring without alcohol involved in someway or another
      7. It is not possible being sober and happy
      8. When I drink, I am not bored but having the time of my life
      9. I love drinking because it makes me feel good
      10. Drinking and being good and buzzed is a great feeling to have sex
      11. Drinking gets me in the mood

      • #12483


        Thank you for your post Pat! I connected with it!

  • #6836


    I have decided to go for a massage once a month now. That is about the amount of money that I save when not drinking. That will be my extra treat besides all the other good things that comes from not drinking every day 🙂
    After 13 days of being sober I see that I loose tiny bit of weight every day. It is very slow, but I haven’t eaten less, so I am very happy that in a long run the results will become obvious 🙂
    I am very thankful that we got a dog more than year ago. I recommend a pet for everyone doing this program if you don’t already have one. When I got a dog and started to take her to walk twice a day, my weight stopped going up. Same time you get some fresh air, nice relaxing exercise, meet other people walking their dogs and the most important thing, you have a loving companion in your life who don’t judge you, gives you joy and unconditional love 😉 If you can’t take a pet, ask some of your friends who has a cat / dog if you could help take care of their pet sometimes! If they want to go to a short vacation trip or just are tired of taking their pet for a walk You will be surprised how much they appreciate it!
    You can also go for a walk just by yourself. Did you know that these days they have these playaway books at the libraries you can borrow? You can listen to a book while you walk or do your daily chores! It takes your mind to all these different places and gives you excitement in your life. Or just read real book 🙂 Sometimes it is good to turn of the tv / computer and activate your mind some other way 🙂
    These are some of the things that I concentrate more now that I have more time and energy.
    It also is very cool that now I am always able to drive! It gives me freedom to do things when ever I feel like it! Go to movies on Fri or Sat night or what ever! New extra feeling of freedomness!

  • #6891


    I am re -posting my myth.I always believed that I could have “one more weekend” and quit on Monday. Well my Mondays became an extension of the weekend.Another myth just one more for the road…. what dangerous and sad myth.

    I do know many sober people and they are Okay. I have accepted them as good people. Now I look at them as source of inspiration.

    Myth broken – I will always have my sense of humour and be a dreamer

    • #7125

      I love how you shared what you will still have, even without drinking. If anything, your personality will be able to shine brighter now!

  • #6895


    Limiting belief: I can’t have fun at a party, a sporting event or a concert without alcohol. It loosens me up enough to relax and enjoy myself.
    Help, I don’t know how to overcome this one.

    • #7126

      To begin, try to uncover where these beliefs originate, keeping in mind many begin in childhood. Growing up, did your family drink at parties, sporting events, or concerts? What was your first experience at these events? Where you drinking and had a great time? Where you sober and had an awful time? Really try to dig deep and see what comes up for you.

      Now, to turn some of your limiting beliefs around, we need to make them positive. Since I don’t know you personally, I’m going to list a few options. You’ll have to see what fits best for you.
      -I am fun and social at parties when sober.
      -I can have fun at parties when I am sober.
      -I am excited to experience a sporting event (or concert) while sober and I can enjoy myself.
      -I look forward to truly connecting with people at a party and remembering the conversations we have.
      -I can use deep breathing, meditation, yoga, exercise, etc to help myself relax before attending a party, sporting event, or concert.

      Using the ones you prefer, or writing your own, read and repeat these over and over again. Look yourself in the mirror while you do so. The key is that you work towards changing your limiting beliefs…it doesn’t necessarily happen in the blink of an eye. If you work the solution, the solution will work for you. Good luck!!

  • #6951


    I thought I was the most funny guy in the neighborhood when at the age of 14, I drank my first four beers of my life. I was very comical and made everyone laugh. In hindsight, I question: were they laughing with me or at me? I did not have the wisdom then and it took this book to realize it now; 40 years after that first time.
    Thank you.

  • #7044


    Limiting beliefs:
    1. It’s just a normal thing now- everyone drinks.
    2. It calms me down.
    3. What do I do at a party when everyone is drinking.
    4. I’ll never be able to entertain again, my most favorite thing to do
    5. I don’t know what the rest of my life looks like- it scares me
    6. Why couldn’t I have controlled this sooner-this could be a life sentence.

  • #7050


    I understand people’s feeling that it’s normal to drink to relax and have fun at social gatherings Looking back on the event that first made me believe that I realized the drinking actually is a way for me to avoid dealing with why I didn’t feel like I fit in I never responsibly learned how to develop lasting wholesome relationships at a young age and this has handicapped me all my life.
    Realizing this now I can change my negative self doubts or lies and find that at my first social event sober in over 30 years was remarkably more enjoyable because I really connected with people

  • #7071


    The old me before this program would come home and would get bored and then afraid that if I didn’t get to the liquor store fast that it would be to late to start drinking and have some fun and relax. One of my limiting beliefs were that if I didn’t drink I would be bored. Couldn’t even watch a movie without a bottle of red wine. God forbid that. It was just to hard to continue to waste time squirming and being nervous so I might as well stop those feelings with a few glasses of wine, Right.—-Wrong, all the wine, the whole bottle, until I woke up in the middle of the night and staggerd to bed just to worry about hearing the alarm to go to work on time. Being alone is hard so alcohol relieves the depression was another limiting belief. All it did was made more upset with myself everyday until its all I thought about at work. Worthless bum I would say to myself during the day as I did my best to hide my drunkenness the night before all the while suspecting everyone knew anyway. A terrible endless cycle of suppression of feelings at work then to end the depressions and sickness of not overcoming the wine, I repeated the cycle to gain what I thought was relief.
    Now my thoughts and actions are so much clearer and I am much more happier with myself. I want to sing the song words “Zippidee dooda Zippidee da, My oh my what a wonderful day. Birds are singing, sun is shining, dogs and cats playing together and on it goes. This is good. The core values chapter really helped me to see what was going on and now this chapter on lying to myself with those wrong beliefs. I really believe that I am on my way to never being drunk again. Never. It is so good to be able to have a clear conscience and not have the shame and guilt over me. Stress is going away and health is returning. Going to join a gym next. I cant wait for the future. Without the pain of yesteryear and the joy of the present and future time, I AM ON MY WAY OUT OF THE ABYSS AND MASCING IN THE HAPPY, FULFILLING LIGHT OF SOBRIETY! HALLELUJAH!

  • #7149


    I can’t find anything in my childhood that would point to my current problem with alcohol, except the following:

    – My father used to deal with stress by eating a large bowl of ice cream, which infuriated my mother, who we now think is a closet anorexic. Maybe I got the idea that eating (and later drinking) was a good way to deal with stress?
    – Many of my relatives are strict Baptists, who think that drinking, dancing or playing any kind of card game is a mortal sin. I know my parents didn’t agree with these ideas, but they rarely drank (only a cocktail at a restaurant with friends very occasionally). Maybe I have been rebelling against these ideas?

    My sister and I both are problem drinkers, and I can’t figure out how we got this way.

    • #7529

      Both and either are strong possibilities, mainly because these are the ones that came to your mind while thinking about the reason you drink. That is not coincidence.

      For your first point, it’s possible you associated eating ice cream as being bad, therefore rewarding yourself with food may be something you naturally don’t do. Yet maybe you were still looking for a way to decompress after a stressful situation, so you turned to alcohol. This can easily flow into your second point. Your parents didn’t drink often and your extended family viewed alcohol as a sin. Your drinking may have started as a rebellion against this, or maybe just as a curiosity as to why people thought it was so horrible.

      If you’re still not satisfied with the answers you’ve come up with, continue to hold the question in your subconscious. Journal about it, and an answer will come.

    • #118509


      I really relate to your post. I live alone, and with drinking, I never did anything interesting and procrastinated on important tasks. I was so embarrassed about my drinking, that I was sitting alone, watching t.v. and drinking more. WHAT A GREAT LIFE THAT WAS😔

  • #7176


    My first addiction if you will was food and all my life I only drank at weddings or work Christmas parties. Then I hit forty and I was working 14 hour days almost done raising 4 kids and I moved next door to the best neighbors in the world. We were all the same age had the same number of kids and we enjoyed our cocktails on the weekend. This was FUN! I never drank during the week and drank less than everyone else on the weekend. Fastforward 6 years and I was divorced had moved and I started drinking a little bit every night and the weekends. It progressively go worse until the last year I couldn’t drink without blacking out and not remembering a thing from the night before. Now I work from home and that just made it easier. I believed that I deserved to drink and it helped me fill the void in my life. My personality didn’t change for the better when I drank it was horrible, I never remembered any of the parties, the conversations, so I finally decide “what’s the point of drinking” it just makes me physically ill and I’m not having fun anymore. So here I am trying to conquer my compulsions and very happy and content right now. I wake up grateful every morning and think about the positive changes in my life over the last 18 days (I stopped drinking before I started the 30-day solution).
    My problem now is trying to conquer the food problem. I can’t stop eating sweets or anything for that matter. I don’t want to overwhelm myself with trying to do too much at one time but I need to start another 30-day solution regarding food when I’m done with this one.

    Great thread – Happy for all of us who are feeling so much better and it is inspiring!!!

  • #7249


    The biggest limiting belief that still seems to linger in my mind is that I can’t relax or quiet my mind without a glass of wine. I see that this is not true. There are many healthy ways to relax and unwind. Thank you for your post on January 31st, Jack, in which you mentioned many excellent relaxation choices.

    Another limiting belief is that food does not taste as good without a glass of wine. Again, there are many healthy and tasty beverage options to pair with dinner.

    I’m looking forward to these new beliefs replacing my old and limiting beliefs and I am especially looking forward to the day that my responses stem automatically from these new beliefs!

  • #8271


    Lie: A glass of red wine would complement this meal wonderfully.
    Truth: One glass, yes. A bottle, no. What did I have for dinner again?

    • #9714


      Thats me. I made a bottle the new norm – not just 2 – 3 glasses.

  • #8292


    My limiting belief? That drinking makes me cool. I’m actually a ‘nice woman’ to all appearances… conservative, intelligent, old-fashioned values, modest. Who knew I was a hard-drinking wild woman after work? So unexpected, so deviant! Hahahah.

    • #12452


      A bottle for me was 3 glasses…lol

  • #8665


    Limiting Beliefs
    1.It is not possible to be sober and have a happy and exciting life.
    2.There is no way I can be a normal drinker
    3.I am more likable and fun with alcohol-it gives me confidence
    4.Sex and sobriety suck
    5.I reward myself with alcohol after a stressful day at work

    I am trying really hard to abolish these beliefs. Drinking has been how I cope, celebrate and connect. Sometimes I feel that alcohol loosens me up and gives me courage to confront or open up to people.

    1.I can be sober and have a life filled with incredible joy, meaning and passion. Like my sober rolemodle
    2.Well, I am 11 days sober and I have learned techniques to use in social situations.
    3.Most people will feel sorry for my drinking problem. I don’t want to be a annoying drunk
    4.Alcohol and sex gives me this sense of uninhibited. But really it is bad decisions and sometimes I don’t even remember most of the sex.
    5.I can reward myself with something from the money I save by not spending it on alcohol

    Sorry, this maybe long and bruitally honest but it helps to get it out.

  • #8669


    I’m not sure where some of these limiting beliefs have come from. When I think about drinking I remember the fun times that I had going out with my friends when I was younger. I was so happy to have a group of close net friends. I was very shy in high school and didn’t have a lot of friends. Bonding and having fun with friends over drinks, I miss that. But I should remember the times I over indulged and embarrassed myself, felt shame the next day.
    Drinking with boyfriends helped me open up, be more comfortable and confident. Liquid courage. To think about it- like how authentic can an important conversation be if you have to have some drinks to make it happen.
    Drinking has been a social part of my life. But I should remember that it was not always the best times.

  • #9443


    Limiting Beliefs:

    1. I don’t have enough _________. Could be filled with anything, but usually, time, money, energy, experiences, etc.

    2. I’m not enough. I always need to do, have, and be MORE.

    3. I don’t deserve happiness, love, etc.

    4. Drinking reduces stress, relaxes me, and is how I let loose and have fun with my friends.

    5. People won’t think I’m as fun or funny without alcohol.

  • #9604


    Here are a couple of my own limiting beliefs that came up today, and my cross-examination:

    I’ll feel more depressed and/or lonely if I stop drinking –

    I’ve struggled with this belief over the past few years. It’s limited me and become a self-fulfilling prophecy, so that when I have stopped drinking in the past, I’ve focused on the sense of loss, rather than the idea of thriving.

    But this isn’t true now. This program has already radically changed the way I feel about drinking and not drinking. I expect this to become even easier the more perspective I get on the whole thing and the more I get out into the world and actually start doing some of the things that I’ve been wanting to do instead of being stuck at home drinking. Doing this program is already enhancing my self-esteem through all the positive reinforcement, and I’ve already done more in the past week, felt better, and felt less lonely, than I did before.

    I’ll never be able to stop drinking because I suffer from depression and anxiety –

    This belief has limited me for most of my adult life and become a self-fulfilling spiral of depression and anxiety fueling my drinking, which then fuels my depression and anxiety. Depression fuels my drinking by being my main excuse: ‘I need to drink because I’m depressed.’ Anxiety fuels my drinking by being my second main excuse: ‘it’s harder for me to go out into the world and mix with people because of my anxiety, so I need to stay at home and drink.’ Drinking fuels my depression by making me feel ashamed and guilty and my anxiety by robbing me of the experience of being out in the world.

    I’ve learned so much about this dynamic now, through reading, counselling, CBT, life coaching, and real-life experiences, that I can see how this is a vicious circle but also how it can be broken at any time by changes my responses to events, such as doing this program. These new responses interrupt the loop. I’ve proved that now. I’ve demonstrated to myself that I can flourish in the world under the right circumstances, and this breaks the cycle of anxiety and depression.

    This has been the most significant day so far for me.
    Thank you again to everyone for sharing.


    • #9613


      Thanks for sharing mattk. I’m on day 11 now. I had a big slump in my mood which has been good until today. I even considered having a drink (shudder!), but resisted. I would hate to lose my reboot! Reading your post helped me get out of my slump and become motivated again. You set a great example for confronting the demons and moving forward. Thanks for sharing! Sina

      • #9637


        Thanks so much @sinaqueena
        The sense of affinity and knowing that other people feel some of the same things that I do is helping me a lot on this program.
        I’m glad you resisted your urge to drink. We already have countless solutions at our disposal now in order to help combat these urges when they come.
        I’m looking forward to building on these in the coming weeks.

        • #12929


          YEs you have articulated a strong false belief of mine, thanks you for also articulating the truth

      • #17530


        I really identify with this-it is a hard vicious cycle to break- taking action and sticking with that action is difficult- awareness and reminders that alcohol fuels the depression and creates anxiety helps.

    • #9713


      Matt you have expressed pretty much my own situation. For me I think the excessive drinking has created the depression – before I was just an anxious person. I’m so entrenched in the depression I felt that drinking was the only way to alleviate it. I knew that wasn’t true, however. I CAN say Day 11 has been a break through though. I feel positive that I can reclaim the me that has always been there – the positive one loving life and ‘doing’and feeling the excitement of new experiences.

  • #9666


    Only came up with one so far but it’s at the core of my problem.

    Old/limiting belief: I don’t believe that I can become a moderate drinker.
    New belief: That may be true but if I stay alcohol free for one year I can revisit my old belief.

    I wonder what I will weigh a year from now…

  • #9715


    These are my new beliefs so you can probably guess what my old beliefs were. These are the beliefs that will get me out of the hole I have dug:
    1. I am stress free—because I am practising meditation and taking exercise daily
    2. I am addicted to a new lifestyle—one that is healthy. I make and eat nutritious and extremely tasty food and am experimenting all the time with new ingredients and ways of preparation. My energy levels are pumping because I am exercising daily and trying new activities which include walking, biking and bush walking. I am seeking new ways to entertain myself finally ticking off those adventures on my bucket list.
    3. I am proving to myself that I can turn my life around. That the ‘me’ at the center is emerging as was always intended. I am doing this with the measures outlined in the 30 Day program and in conjunction with self –help, actualisation, spiritual reading.
    4. I surround myself with people who lead positive life styles and I look to developing new and reinforcing relationships.
    5. I am a role model to others and especially to my partner proving that we can live a full, happy and exciting life using our attributes, strengths and interest to take us wherever we want to go.

    • #9731


      TimetoLive, these are beautiful and inspiring. I’m rewriting my new beliefs because of yours. Thank you so much!

  • #9776


    My revised beliefs! I love them.
    1. I manage stress with exercise, diet, and actively loving myself every day.
    2. I have compassion, tenderness, and heart for problem drinkers. I have been there.
    3. I a capable of becoming sober and embrace the freedom, hope, and optimism it brings.
    4. Alignment to my core values is the most important factor in deciding whether not to drink.
    5. I reward myself with books, tea, healthy snacks, tonic water & lime, meditation, time in nature. Honoring the sunset, the sunrise, the moonrise.
    6. I am learning to love myself. Whatever arises, love that. My sobriety reinforces my self-love.

    • #9785


      Thank you akiwa for replying to my post and giving me positive feedback. I also feel grateful that my revised beliefs have assisted and love your beliefs too. By reading my revised vision statement, the dots points of who I want to be and my revised beliefs I am feeling really positive and determined to make a go of it this time.As of Friday just gone I’m in a vulnerable place as I have guests staying which is full on and taking all my energy and time and then I am away on a biking camping holiday with a group of friends. No Internet access. I don’t want to be reading the book material in front of these people so have decided to just read am and pm all of the above to keep me pointing in the right direction until I can resume when I get back. I feel I will be OK.

      • #9786


        Good luck to you, Timetolive. I hit a vulnerable patch myself today, not sure why, the emotions just bubbling up and there we are, few places in my life where people are understanding of what it is like to go through this process. Good luck on your holiday, it may just be the perfect thing to do. You can’t go wrong reinforcing your vision and goals. That’s such a big part of all this. Hope you have a great time! And some fun!

      • #17531


        Love this post

  • #10413


    Where is the list?

    • #10415


      Sephora, there is a list of 11 limiting beliefs starting on page 185- 190. Plus you can add your own, they give suggestions for more on page 190. Hope you are doing well and making progress, I know I am, and it is hard work, but sooo worth it! Let us know how it’s going! Sina

      • #10966


        I’m listening to the audio book, so it’s hard to go back to a particular page or list, that’s why the online content is helpful. 🙂

  • #11276


    @jack @dave
    This was a chapter that I just kind of skipped through the first time around. Even this time I managed to find a multitude of distractions before I finally wrote a list. It was only after reading several of the posts others had written I was able to state my own beliefs. I had always used food for love and that gradually turned into wine. I’m not fond of most other forms of alcohol. If there’s truth to “food is love”, I’m sure the same can be said for a goblet of red. Or perhaps it’s the saying the girls get prettier at closing time….I love myself more when I’m looking in the mirror after a few glasses of wine. I was prettier and had tons of potential. While I’d suffer the regrets with the mirror the next morning, loving myself seemed easier with wine.

    1. I feel like I’m losing an old friend/comfort by letting this go.
    2. I can’t unwind without a glass of wine.
    3. Wine relieves my physical pain.
    4. Everyone is more fun and less inhibited after a few drinks.
    5. I feel more connected after a few glasses of wine.
    6. I can’t have any of the things I enjoy because they’re bad for me (deprivation around food and wine).
    7. I feel like I am more creative after a few glasses.

    I did get some new insight just writing this out. Both my mother and my father were unable to express feelings of love or appreciation unless they’d had a few drinks. Not a wonder I do the same thing after I’ve had a few. My weight drew a lot of attention from my parents while I was growing up. For the most part it seems all I received was a negative attention/criticism.

  • #11279


    As I go through this I see that I have been surrounded by people who drink all of my life. It was common place while I was growing up and although I didn’t drink a lot during early adult hood, there was still a place where alcohol always added to or created the fun . I have had very few friends who didn’t drink. They had a place but they appeared a little dull. It would seem I have sought out or been attracted to people who did drink. When I tried to think of the people that I know and like/admire who don’t drink I couldn’t think of very many. Even worse I found that those who didn’t drink and started drinking actually became more interesting and much less inhibited. It saddens me to know that I associate drinking so closely with having fun and fun is so much of my life and who I am except I know that when it’s just me and the bathwater it doesn’t really feel like fun.

  • #12459


    I go on extended vacations (3 weeks) in the summer to visit my family. It usually involves a lot of good times / relaxing on the lake / sailing / watersports / lots of great meals. All my family drinks. Gin and tonics abound. Making drinks for the family, sharing drinks together feels inseparable from the experience. It feels like something that bonds us together. I usually go into the week healthy and not drinking too much. After 3 weeks of “relaxing” and “treating myself” I’ve shifted my normal to multiple drinks per night. It usually takes until after the new year to reset my habits.

    This is probably the main source of joy in my entire year – being with family, forgetting about the worries of life, connecting with what truly matters (family, activity, laughter, honesty, love, and apparently gin and tonics). I feel like I can thrive in sobriety, maybe drink occasionally, but I CAN’T in my head imagine myself going to see my family and not drinking. Sitting on the sailboat, with the warm sun and conversing with family and everyone is enjoying a drink and I am sitting there with a water like a schmuck. I just CAN’T envision it. It doesn’t look fun. It looks boring, limiting and dissatisfying and stale. It is probably the biggest limiting belief in my process to a better life. Is it that I can’t reset myself after the vacation? Maybe I don’t want the vacation to end (and face reality) and the drinking is a way I can cling to it? Maybe I falsely see alcohol as inseparable from our bonding experience?

    I have actually found the 30 day solution VERY helpful and easy to do and approachable. By far the best experience I have had with any program (even though I am only on day 11). At the end of 30 days I am going to my only brother’s wedding. I will be there for 2 weeks. I am going to partake there, but I wanted to do the 30 day solution to help me weather that situation without alcohol taking a firm grip and taking control. I am worried that I will go there, go overboard and come back having undone all of the growth in this program.

    I guess I’m just publicly writing and acknowledging my concerns, but I am also asking advice as to how to keep myself in check and be able to enjoy a beer with my brother and family and not come back with a habit.

    Thanks. Best to everyone.


    • #12469


      Well Brian, it’s very good you articulated your limiting belief (family bonding is inseparable from alcohol) and explained to us and yourself how that erroneous myth has insidiously supplanted the fact that your pleasure is in no way in enhanced by pouring what is, essentially, poison down your throat.
      Heed the wise words of time to live and give yourself the gift of experiencing life as it us meant to be experienced.
      Fully present, able to be remembered as it actually occurred, and without the lasting deficit of impairment not only of the moment, but as you described it, for the next month’s following!
      Now go savor the joy of this special time with your loved ones.
      Lose the moniker of schmuck, avoid the CAN’T, and try to stay the course!!!!
      I’m sober since April 1, and am so grateful for the New Me, Thriving in Sobriety. Never has an undertaking reaped such rich rewards for me, despite urges. Alcohol is, after all, an addictive drug. But like all addictions, we have the tools and support to thwart it’s stranglehold on our precious lives!
      Go for it Brian! Sina

  • #12468


    Hi Brian
    I really appreciate your concerns. It is so hard to deal with these situations that arise right when you are in the middle of the 30 Day Solution. I had a similar experience whereby I had a trip planned for a week with friends who were right into social drinking – wines, G&T’s etc. All very civilised, great food etc etc. In the end I caved in. Couldn’t see my way around it. What I realised during that week was that I wasn’t enjoying it, felt frustrated that I caved in to popular experience. But I didn’t beat myself up. I came back stronger in that I was really committed to sobriety and began all over and I took myself pretty much totally our of circulation. I needed to do this and it worked for me. I have been alcohol free 7 weeks now and can go out socially and enjoy my sparkling mineral water with lemon. On 2 occasions I had a glass of wine but really just sat on it. I have found my focus now is not so much the socialising but bringing new and meaningful activities in my life and I don’t think I have been so at peace in a very long time. In the end you have to make the decision and you know what will feel right for you. XXX

  • #12472


    Hi all I have now been sober this time for just over a year. Previously I have given up drinking and drugging for bouts of up to 4 years at a time yet whenever anything has happened that has been too much for me to handle or so I have previously perceived as such I have hit up my old friends and pulled them back out of the closet. This time it stops.
    The limiting beliefs I have pulled up to transform are.
    Its just normal now everyone drinks
    What do I do at a party or gathering (esp family) when everyone is drinking
    I dont know what to drink when I go to a bar
    I dont have anything to drink when everyone else orders their drinks
    I will feel out of place when my partner and everyone else are drinkers
    Its safer to stay at home and not go out anymore
    There’s no fun in not drinking
    I can’t dance and enjoy it
    I can dance and move when I am drinking or drugging
    You can’t be too good
    I will be a goody too shoes if I don’t drink
    My family will poke fun, criticize and dismiss me as weird if I don’t drink
    Some of my family will turn against me if I don’t have a drink
    I will be made to feel the centre of attention if I don’t drink
    I won’t fit in
    Sex will be boring
    I will be boring
    I can’t feel sexual or sensual without drink or drugs
    I will lose my sexy if I’m sober
    I will feel too obvious too self centred to enjoy sex exploration if I am sober
    I cant exjoy sex if Im sober
    I can’t feel like a free spirit if I’m sober
    Alcohol and Drugs allowed me to be fun
    The life of the party
    I feel empty and void of excitement or enjoyment with no drugs and alcohol
    I am a kill joy without these assistants
    Alcohol and drugs were the only way I could have fun and laughter with friends
    I can’t find fun and laughter without drugs and alcohol
    Alcohol and drugs freed up my otherwise stiff personality.
    Wow I can see why I have stopped reading the book at this chapter and I am so grateful that I become a tapping into wealth coach which I must add has helped me to uncover the hidden reasons why I picked up drinking in the first place. I still have some ways to go with this lot..Determination and willingness to uncover true love and happiness along with a very strong base of Qigong as my foundation.
    Thank you for the opportunity.
    I look forward to moving forward, freeing up my Fun and sense of excitement, friendships and my sex life.
    Also looking forward to repairing all relationships to the very best that they can be ever. Sober within me.

  • #12473


    I will commit to continue the work. If I solidify my purpose the inner conscious won’t be squelched. Thanks!

  • #13279


    I think one of the reasons I drank or did drugs in the past was because as I remember when I was 15-16 saying because I was in special ed classes that I was stupid, slow, a retard, and by drinking or doing drugs I would fit in, because everyone is high and they won’t notice, or they will think he is stupid because he is drunk or high.

    Doing this i realized or have realized in the past that i am smart creative, a good person, and to stop calling myself names. today i work at a hospital, and make a have a good i am not as stupid, as i thought i was. you can’t be good in everything .

    • #13504


      That’s very powerful to read. Thanks!

  • #13787


    I tell myself that I need alcohol to escape negative depressing thoughts. That’s probably the biggest lie I tell myself.

  • #15240


    My number 1 limiting belief is that I just won’t have a good time anymore and my friends will find me boring. I love to dance and wonder if I can enjoy it as much without alcohol. I do know under certain circumstances that I can have a good time like when I go to tony Robbins events we are always dancing and having a really great time. No alcohol no stimulants. Also at yoga retreats I don’t drink. I guess it really helps to hang out with the non drinking crowds. Tomorrow night I have the ladies holiday dinner and I can’t stop worrying about having a good time while everyone is drinking and I’m not. I’m sure some comments will be made. But I’m committed. I will bring an apple ginger limeade to make it interesting.

    • #15241


      Well hope you let us know…my guess is. If you remain sober you will be turned to shit when you observe your pals under the influence. Please try one event sober and report back kiddo! Sina

  • #15863


    Capturing my limiting beliefs:
    1. I will never be able to not miss alcohol. I will miss out on the fun and sophistication of fine drinking. Everyone drinks. I will feel that I am missing out on something. There are all the great wines, Scotches, grappas, Armanacs, Cognacs, martinis, Manhattans, Vespers, etc. out there for me to try. It is not possible for me to be sober and happy and excited in life.
    New Belief: Alcohol actually does not taste good, ever. I am only missing out on a poison that has severely limited me. I can be knowledgeable about alcohol without indulging. I have lots of other ways to show my sophistication. I can become an expert on sophisticated non-alcoholic drinks.
    2. There is no way I can become a “normal” drinker because complete abstinence is the only thing that could work for me. Things I tell myself: This will be the last bottle (there never is a last bottle). I can have just one drink. I set up scenarios where I won’t drink, eg. before a session with my trainer, during the week, etc. (Lies I tell myself)
    New Belief: If I embrace the premise that drinking is bad, it is bad in all scenarios. Why would I want to be any kind of drinker at all?
    3. Getting sober is too hard, so I procrastinate.
    New Belief: Since there is never an end to alcohol, there has to be an end to my drinking. Embracing sobriety is my greatest hope to be happy and to be able to cope in my life. Continuing to drink would lead to more lost life, and I already have regrets about how much of myself and my life I have already wasted. I have the determination and the courage to quit completely and forever.
    4. I can’t handle the cravings and triggers. My rationalizations to justify my drinking are too strong.
    New Belief: I will have stronger rationalizations to justify and celebrate my sobriety, and higher purpose and calling. I will be true to my core values. I will develop skills to cope with the triggers and the cravings.
    5. I am not fun or likeable without alcohol.
    New belief: Actually, I have pretty good social skills. I am interesting and deep, and I have little problem talking to strangers. I enjoy meeting new people. I do have a great problem with initial shyness, and can’t just go up to someone and chat them up (I was terrible at the bar scene, but most of the people there had the same problem, and those that didn’t were either drunk or were just looking to hook up). I can dance without booze.
    6. I have few outlets to reduce stress. Drinking reduces stress. I usually continue until I am completely numb. Drinking helps me to sleep.
    New belief: I can now take up mindfulness, since while drinking and being conscious and aware is an impossibility. I can reconnect with my creative pursuits (creative writing, writing a play, scholarly work in the arts, acting, learn Italian, painting, drawing and sculpture, studying philosophy or art history, go to concerts and plays and exhibitions, focus on my fitness, mountain climbing, travel). I can rehabilitate my sleeping habits without alcohol and without sleeping medication. I could reward myself with a massage once a month or tickets to something. When I lose the weight, I will gain a whole new and more fashionable wardrobe (it’s already in my closet), my posture will be better, and I will attract more positive attention. Right now, walking to and from work has been a wonderful meditation.

  • #16050


    I found that I had 3 big/main limiting beliefs:
    1. Everything is more fun when I’m drinking.
    The Truth: The things I enjoy, Scrabble, cribbage, dominoes,golf, etc, are really not fun when I can’t think or when my coordination falls apart from alcohol. Plus we don’t do those things so much because it cuts into “my drinking time.”
    New Belief: Games and hobbies are more fun with a clear head and healthy body.

    2. I need alcohol to relax.
    The Truth: I get stressed about being home in time to open the bottle, stressed worrying about my health from drinking, stressed wondering if my husband has found *all* the empties, stressed trying to remember the night before, stressed handling the inevitable hangover…
    New Belief: I have many ways to relax – meditation, hot baths, teas, exercise, coloring books, needlepoint projects – that all leave me feeling fantastic.

    3. I will always be a drinker.
    The Truth: I wasn’t a drinker for my first 20 years of life. Other people have quit, and so can I.
    New Belief: I have the tools to a different choice, and for now, I’m choosing sobriety.

  • #16132


    Lies that trick you into thinking you can’t get sober

    Drinking is a compulsive urge to relax
    Alcohol can sustitute for lack of intimacy
    I have no outlet to relax without wine
    As a winemaker I like wine too much
    When I start drinking privately it is hard to stop

    • #16245


      Yeah. Oehr. That last one is tough. Icause why would you stop? I think that’s the whole key to unlocking this program if we can answer that question The only answer is that we actually want to stop. Until we can get to that space the answer will always be why not? I am a till struggling very much with that question personally.

  • #16185


    Lies/Limiting Beliefs: 6 and 10 thru 16 were my additions to the book’s beliefs that resonated with me

    1)Drinking reduces stress.
    2)Alcoholics are losers.
    3)Drinking wine is healthy.
    4)I have an addictive personality.
    5)I have a disease.
    6)My am genetically predisposed to being an alcoholic.
    7)I am not fun or likable without alcohol.
    8)Getting and staying sober is too hard.
    9)It is not possible to be sober and happy and excited about life.
    10)I am too old and it is too late to live a sober life; I have wasted too much time.
    11)Everyone has a vice and a coping mechanism to get thru life.
    12)I need wine and champagne to celebrate victories and successes in my life.
    13)No one will come to my yoga events if there is not wine offered afterwards.
    14)I need to drink to continue to live my life as it is.
    15)I don’t have enough money to do the things I want to do (so I drink…).
    16)Creative people get high/drunk, etc. it is necessary to fuel creativity.

  • #16661


    Belief # 1. I am more likable, funnier and much more entertaining when I drink. Myth busted last night: I gathered with family and friends for dinner and, as usual, the wine began to pour well before dinner started. This is my 11th day of sobriety and my first social gathering since day 1. What a wake-up call! As I watched others slowing getting drunk I was struck by a few things: 1, the drunk folks took over the conversation and the non-drinkers were left out; 2, I noticed how much each drinker was actually consuming (way too much and I was worse) and 3, I missed out on too many of the past gatherings because I was so into myself when I was one of the drinkers. I now realize I was often obnoxious and overbearing and never gave the non-drinkers the attention they deserved.

    • #16662


      So true @dah99! When I first was experiencing being sober among drunk people, I noticed how obnoxious and repetitive some folks were. Now I think of some of buzzed people as my reverse role models! I don’t want to be that way ever again! Sina

  • #16672


    Thanks for your comments, Sina. I had a horrible but helpful thought reading your comments…others were probably seeing me before as a reverse role model. Yikes!

  • #16784


    Drinking reduces stress.
    It is not possible to be sober and happy and excited in life.
    I don’t have to face reality when drinking.
    I have an addictive personality.

    I’m borrowing from a couple of people. They hadn’t manifested in my mind:
    I am genetically predisposed to be an alcoholic. (happy-yogizen2)
    I don’t have enough money to do the things I want to do (so I drink…) (happy-yogizen2)
    When I start drinking privately it is hard to stop (oehr)

    New beliefs:

    1)It’s easier to be happy and excited when I am sober.
    2)Being sober gives me all the time and energy I need to manifest my goals and dreams. And to find some new dreams. I need new dreams that don’t include trying every drink in the Bartender’s Bible or whatever it is I have downstairs. Summer is coming so now is the time to try out new mocktails.
    3)I can be fully present in life when I am sober.
    4) If I can refuse narcotics when prescribed, as I know I become addicted to them, then I can refuse alcohol since I become addicted to that.

    • #16787


      I love your New Beliefs! Wishing you much happiness ahead!

  • #16957


    My old and still limiting beliefs around alcohol are:
    1. When I am so stressed out that I feel so bad in my own skin, I need a drink to settle down.
    2. I have a better time with my husband when we both drink together, We have fun.
    3. I handle my husband’s bad moods,words, actions better when I drink.
    4. I can’t stay sober for the term when my husband drinks. I give in after a while. Can’t fight it, I join it
    5. The holidays, parties, weddings, etc are hard when other people are drinking and I am not. I have a “Pity party” for myself.
    6. Vacations are so hard to enjoy without alcohol. Relaxing, letting go and getting a bit wild all are better with drinking. Especially beach vacations! Want that tropical drink or beer .. Classic image of vacation.
    7. It’s hard to go out with new friends or even old friends and not drink. I feel Socially awkward. And think that they might like hanging out with me because “I am no fun, a stick in the mud”. Or I might make them feel awkward for drinking alone.
    8. I love the way that 1st and 2nd drink feels in my body, NOTHING else makes me relax like that.
    9. My I am so physically uncomfortable I just want to numb it out with alcohol to feel better. It kills the pain like nothing else. Poor me that I can’t do that anymore.

    NOW… I will flip those beliefs 🙂

  • #17244


    jffree3; your limiting beliefs are a complete copy of how I feel. I smiled at all of them and shook my head, yup, I agree. Then I went over the list again with the mind frame that they want us to have in this program. I tried to give another belief for each one of your/my limiting belief. I do get so stressed sometimes and feel so bad in my own skin that requires the special and unique calm that only alcohol can induce. I began to think of this and all of your numbered beliefs and wondered, is this true. Is it only alcohol that will induce this type of calm. I began to think of things that I loved before falling in love with alcohol. I wrote a list and began to think if any of these things gave the calm of alcohol. Was any of these things able to give a sense of comfort when feeling uncomfortable. I was in a relationship that was so much fun when we drank, but almost always turned in the opposite direction if we did not monitor the amount of drink. Is there any other way that he and I could have had fun without alcohol? I went back to my list and wondered what would have happened if he too had a list. Vacations without alcohol, hmmmm. This would take some creative thinking and may be a challenge at first but it may be fun to find those things that are fun together without alcohol. I have abused alcohol so long that I for one am inspired to do this challenge. I just feel like there has to be fun out there in all things without alcohol. When they went over the list of people who did not use alcohol at all, this too gave me inspiration to enter into the realm of “no booze” and see what it has to offer.

  • #18251


    List of lies I tell myself:

    I don’t deserve to be loved the way I need to be loved
    I need permission from others to be angry or stand up for myself
    I need to make everyone else happy before myself
    There is something wrong with me
    I am only lovable when I’m drinking
    I am weak
    If I try to do something big with my life I will fail
    Being the goofy/affable alcoholic is the only identity I have left
    Being the affable alcoholic gives me permission to be mediocre

    The truth:

    I deserve to feel loved and appreciated the way I need to be
    It’s healthy for me to stand up for myself
    It’s healthy for me to take care of my own needs
    I am amazing just the way I am
    I am lovable just for me, without booze
    I have amazing inner strength
    I can do amazing things with my life
    I am a father, a husband, a professional and an adventurer
    I can excel at anything I put my mind to.

    As usual this was so helpful and revealing. I’m not sure why these negative and false beliefs weren’t more obvious to me before but taking the time to think about them and write them down shows just how much I’ve been holding myself back.

  • #119852


    My limiting beliefs:

    1) alcohol is an easy way to relax and reduce stress, especially as my job is very stressful

    2) alcohol helps my social anxiety at a party where everyone is drinking anyway…by drinking I fit in, am funnier, and more likeable

    3) my partner likes me more when I drink as I am more carefree, more loving, more relaxed, more fun to be with.

  • #122672


    Nothing beats alcohol for chilling out or calming depression and stress at home, or for relaxing and having fun with friends.
    Alcohol has an unfair advantage. True, there is no substitute for it. Of course there isn’t, and to pretend we can swap like for like is false. But there is no substitute for arsenic yet we don’t pour it down our throats; many on this forum wont be heroin addicts yet we know that heroin is apparently a high like nothing else… i’m sure jumping off a cliff would be pretty exhilarating… etc etc. Anyway, sobriety hasn’t been given a fair shot, at least for me. Alcohol saturates my wider family, has killed one, nearly killed another, and permeates many of the memories (generally bad ones!) that I have. I’ve never not drunk – as an adult – and have been a problem drinker for nearly 20 years.

    So, I resolve to give sobriety the chance it deserves. I say if we are being lawyers here, shouldn’t we give sobriety it’s day in court?! My new belief: I can learn new ways of living, of enjoying my evenings and relaxing, and of managing/fixing all of life’s up and downs, real or imagined. All as a focused, positive, happy and sober person.

    • This reply was modified 7 months, 2 weeks ago by  Splendiferous76. Reason: I wanted to add personal detail for context
  • #122834


    I’ve been told for quite a few years now that I can’t drink and Im not allowed to drink with family and friends. This just angered me and I told myself some powerful lies that only fueled my out of control drinking. Drinking gives me freedom and if I stop drinking I will lose my freedom because I don’t like people telling me what to do.
    The other lie is…I am unpredictable, inconsistent and make poor decisions when I am sober. I don’t trust my sober self.
    I loved writing new beliefs for these two. So far I have been so amazed that what I’ve thought isn’t what I truly deep down believe. My true core values surprised the hell out of me and brought sense and peace. So far, I’ve learned, taken action, experienced change in these past 11 days more than AA, outpatient treatment and celebrate recovery combined. Thank you!

    • #122835


      Welcome aboard the Sober Coaster tanyawsu39!
      I’m glad you are getting so much out of this valuable program. I know I did.
      Congratulations on your first post!
      It’s an inspirational one!
      Keep posting despite the SPAM on the Forums.
      If you’re able to access “Site Wide Activity “, you’ll see others currently active on the Forums.
      The site doesnt work as it is supposed to bc it isn’t maintained, but it functions well enough for success!!
      Onward Friend! Sina

  • #123284


    Limiting beliefs#1 I need alcohol to cope with the stress of my job and difficult emotions. It’s been a habit to come home after a stressful day and have a bottle of wine. I don’t need that to deal with stress. I need to exercise, read, watch a movie, journal…any of these things.
    Limiting belief #2 I need alcohol to cope with a difficult spouse. In reality it doesn’t help the situation at all. Counseling would be a better fix.

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