This topic contains 15 replies, has 6 voices, and was last updated by
December 14, 2019 at 7:48 am #122893Participant
It dawns on me that I drink out of Egoism. Understood in the way that I’m most often bored in the company of others. So in social gatherings, I become too drunk.
However, I realize that I’m bored because I lack empathy, and human kinds most important tool, the ability to feel an interest in others, the ability to ask open curios questions and to engage in an inspiring conversation. When I do engage, it’s is normally to offer solutions and be right.
Then off course, I get too drunk and interrupts everybody, before I fall asleep at the table.
It’s everything I despise. I adore the ability to coach others, to open up a conversation, to ask interesting questions. But up until now, I don’t manage. I feel bored instead and drink.
The other reason I drink is to remove physical pain and because life feels livelier (boredom again).
I will set on a journey to become more empathetic, more interested, and learn conversation techniques. Just some basic ones to get my curious.
January 31, 2020 at 4:42 pm #123146Participant
Hi JV! It is a great post. My issue is the same and I am just starting the program. I also get bored in social gatherings not because I am anti social, actually opposite like yourself I love giving people advices, I always feel like I know the best. And other people feel too ‘slow’ and somewhat boring to me. (obviously not all of them, but most.) I believe I should work on being more empathetic and open to communication as well.
My other problem is also getting bored sometimes by myself as well (even i have a good job, good family, good friends. So there is no obvious reason of this boredom) but as book says I believe lack of ‘right purpose’
Let’s see I just started. I think discovering why we do drink carries big importance on this journey. I think more of us should be writing under this topic of WHY.
I see your post is from December, how did it go? How is everything? Drinking and boredom issues got any better?
January 31, 2020 at 8:20 pm #123151
Hi ozy and JVjayson90.
Welcome aboard the Sober Coaster!
I relate to your reflections on giving (and receiving) Empathy.
One of my heroes is the late Marshall Rosenberg, creator of Non Violent Communication (NVC) aka Compassionate Communication.
He believed that our greatest joy derives from Making Life More Wonderful, both for ourselves and others.
I have been guilty of giving unsolicitated advise and trying to fix other’s problems.
I’ve also been the recipient of unwanted advise when all I wanted was understanding/Empathy
I’m quite passionate about Marshall’s teachings.
Here’s an article which introduces some of Marshall’s ideas. I hope you find some value.
Onward Friends. Sina
January 31, 2020 at 8:20 pm #123150
Great to see people posting
I also drink due to boredom my spouse doesn’t like to go to dinner or movies on the weekend so we have been drinking on weekends for almost 30 years. I have been sober 31 days today and I was bored when I got home and was going to have a glass of wine since I made it the
30 days but I sat and journaled and read what I wrote over the last 30 days and decided to go to the gym
I am very proud of myself
I want to see if I can drink like a normal person but tonight the thought of drinking reminded me of all the reasons I started this solution
January 31, 2020 at 8:26 pm #123152
Congratulations on your continuing Sobriety!!!
I’ve been where you are now…
My experience. ( and that of so many others ) is that taking a break, even a lengthy one involving the amount of introspection that the 30DSS requires, does not enable one to drink like a “normal ” person.
Developing a new normal was and continues to be a challenge for me and others who have this challenge.
February 5, 2020 at 4:01 pm #123169
Hi Sina, I have been sturggling with the “normal Drinker”. I did the program for 90 days. I was so happy and clear. Then I thought I could drink controlled but I sprialed out again. I was a normal drinker for 25 years. and this stigma as an some one who “can’t” drink. the alcoholic who can’t control themselves is tearing me up.
I wish I had the answer as to The why I drink inexcess…because we are not talking about the glass of wine with dinner or even the occational… Partied to hard on Sat. It is like I am doing something I hate about myself. When I reach for that 3rd glass or more. What the hell is going on in my brain. THe hangover…the body damage..the embarassing moring after..
NONE of my friends are problem drinkers but they ALL drink. Wine is a big thing ..clubs ..wine tasting ect…So becuase I can’t control myself I am now the one who people will almost look at me with pity.
Man I am really disappointed with myself…
February 5, 2020 at 6:18 pm #123172
Please try not to be Disappointed in yourself. Drinking is a very tricky thing. I am 57 years old and I have struggled with drinking at various times in my life Actually I probably have struggled with drinking my whole life sometimes are just worse than others the last Five years I probably have struggled the most that is why I picked up this book
I really want to be able To be able to Control my drinking not sure if that’s gonna be possible I wasn’t drinking during the week but boy on the weekends I drank way too much I was starting to have some blackouts and not sleeping good at all
I made it to 31 days with not Too much
I was really proud of myself and I decided to test drinking on the 32nd day I didn’t do awful but I drank more than I planned and now I’m not sure what to do I haven’t drank since Then but it sure has consumed a lot of my thoughts
I’m really struggling to try to figure out if I can ever drink like a normal person or I just need to cut it out totally
It is so hard because everybody I know drinks and all of her friends drink and my husband drinks I can’t picture not drinking at social occasions oh well I’m going to keep working on the program I started listening To the audio tape again today
I’m going to start doing all the solutions Hoping to find the answers
Anyway enough about me best of luck to you and I not to worry there’s nothing wrong with you just like there’s nothing wrong with me
I used alcohol for a lot of years to try and relieve stress and anxiety it just ain’t working anymore
Best of luck to you
I keep posting and reading other peoples struggles as a way to help me with mine and to know that I’m not alone
February 6, 2020 at 11:01 am #123175
I second the sentiments expressed by mtucker69. There is NOTHING wrong with you!
The myth of “normal” drinking is just that. There is NO safe level of drinking. I’ll post a link to the study.
The Need for Connection is one if the strongest that we humans are motivated by. However, mistaking that Need for following other’s misguided strategies on how to achieve Connection is not a viable answer. Remember when our Mothers told us “if everyone jumped off a cliff, would you follow?”
The principle remains sound. Imbibing poison for fun is not healthy. You will find other ways to be part of the party without inflicting harm to your mental, emotional and physical health. Ways that don’t damage your self esteem and reputation Friend!
I am here for you, for whatever that is worth!
February 6, 2020 at 11:04 am #123176
February 7, 2020 at 10:17 am #123179
Thanks Sina, I accepted your friended request. …not sure what that means or how it works. I am not a social media gal. No facebook intagram tweeting for me. But I am in a bad place and am extreamly upset with myself. So it cant hurt to have a friend who doesnt judge and understands my pain.
thanks for reaching out. Kat
February 7, 2020 at 3:39 pm #123180
Thanks mtucker69. I appreciate you sharing your story. I wish when I finished my 90 days I kept doing something…at least journaling to stay in touch with how far I came when I did this but I slipped through
the cracks and I think because I saw a glimpse of what my life can be like…and then I blew it so very badly…it has hurt way more than before I did the solutions. So my advice is keep on track with something that reminds us that we have to “watch it”. Sinaqueen has sent some cool links…and it shows me that there are many other inspiring books, videos, online lectures…that sort of thing. I think if i had kept even a small trickle of these affirmations it would have helped. Thanks Kat
February 7, 2020 at 4:01 pm #123181
Hey there Kat.
You might not see it now. However I can assure you that even if you have had a “Spectacular Relapse ” with undeniably regretful consequences, as I have experienced in the past (big time!), this does not signal the end of the “run of the play”.
Your story, this Journey, and your triumphs await you friend!
Do not give up….”at the end of the storm there’s a golden light”
This is the truth!
February 8, 2020 at 3:20 pm #123185
Hello Kat I too am struggling. I just want to be normal I love the 30 day solution and I did it to take a break from drinking. I am so tired of feeling guilty and like there is something wrong with me. This guilt and Shame I feel has kept me self medicating with alcohol for years. I am a good person who feels bad for things other people don’t even think twice about. People tell me I am one of the kindest nicest people they know
Why can’t I just feel that way about myself. I thought after doing all the exercises and not drinking for 31 days I would totally forgive myself and be totally healed
I have spent years in group therapy and years and years doing self help programs I just want to be like everybody else
Why can’t I just find lasting peace
Well enough of me
I do pray you find your peace and happiness we all deserve
February 13, 2020 at 8:33 pm #123201
I don’t see any recent posts on the site but I wanted to say this is still a great solution. I didn’t drink on my birthday first time in years. Today is the anniversary of my fathers death and I didn’t drink. I have been having pain in my neck and throat and worried I have cancer. Can’t count how many times I have worried I have had cancer. For the first time in years I have not reached for alcohol to relieve my stress. I finally know for real that it doesn’t help stress it just makes more. I thank God I found this solution. It came at the perfect time and it does work. I am going to keep posting it does help
February 14, 2020 at 8:07 am #123203
I try to check the site every day.
I applaude you for not using Alcohol to numb the pain which living, in all it’s glory will sometimes present us with.
I’m glad you’re still sharing here. Your posts inspire me and cause me to think! Thanks.
February 17, 2020 at 2:56 pm #123212Participant
This is my first day.I have not been sober a day in years.I started drinking because I was shy and it helped me relax and become sociable.Now once I start drinking I drink until I pass out.I am the life of the party until I am too drunk and act stupid.I need to continue the 30 day Sobriety!
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