Thriving in Sobriety and finally believing it

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  • #16660


    Thanks to the work I’m doing in the book (DAY 15!) I’m actually feeling really positive about sobriety, even beyond the 30 days. I did this program about a year ago and though I made it thru the 30 days and felt like the work mattered, there was still a small part of my psyche that refused to let go of being able to ever drink again. I was ‘convinced’ and ‘determined’ that I was going to be able to be a take it or leave it drinker. Even though on some level I knew it was a bunch of BS, I just wasn’t ready to say, “never again.” Well, a year later, I’m back here. It took very little time for me to fall right back into the same patterns and habits of excessive drinking every night and hating myself every morning.

    I’m working through so much more of the why I drink and the self-limiting beliefs I hold this time.

    I’m figuring out better ways to cope, to have fun, to deal with social situations. (Visualization is key to this as well as journaling). I’m making my self very aware of the wonderful things that are happening and will happen in sobriety – celebrating sobriety as a GRAND gift to myself rather than a punishment. I get to be healthy, happy and present rather than a drunk, sloppy, ill, mess. That’s awesome, not a punishment.

    I’m changing the way I look at alcohol. I’m tapping away the false beliefs of ‘fun”status’ or ‘reward’ I’ve previously bestowed upon alcohol. As that is all really an illusion that I’ve programmed myself to believe in. Alcohol is not my friend. It is a poison.

    I participate in another free forum on Reddit that is also sobriety-based and everyday you reaffirm your commitment to ‘not drink’ and I thought I’d share it with you, it is something that makes me remember why I’m doing this:

    “I am thriving in sobriety. I choose health, I choose to honor my body, I choose happiness, freedom from addiction and feeling good over letting a poison rob me of everything with it’s empty promises and mirages of something that doesn’t exist. Alcohol is a liar, an abusive lover that ‘loves you’ in the moment but leaves you feeling empty and sick to your stomach the next day. I’m done chasing after something not good for my body and soul, I enthusiastically remain sober and on purpose.”

  • #16684


    Great post. Thank you for sharing. I’m back after 3 weeks in January and also thinking I can take it or leave it, have one or two… that didn’t work. And the “but it’s fun” mentality I must kick to the curb.

    I’m going to use your quote of alcohol is not my friend. It’s a poison. As my new mantra. Best to you

  • #16686


    Thank you Pam – best to you as well!
    (LOL) I created two profiles to get the emails again. I didn’t realize I was signed into my old one when I last posted. πŸ™‚

  • #16731


    Thank you nej! Great post! I’m going to copy your affirmation in my journal. Day 4 (again- haven’t gotten past day 4 yet…). Yesterday was really hard. I woke up in a miserable mood and carried it most of the day. Cried 1000 times. Lol. Sundays are a really tough day for me. I usually drink lots of wine and call my dad for our once a week call (who is on the other coast). I didn’t even call him :(. Today is a new day! Nervous about my forgivness letter. I think this is why I’ve never finished this day before…
    All the best to all! One day at a time. And to quote my gf- “I only have to make it until bedtime!!” πŸ’œ

  • #16732


    Hi, desperate_4 (I’m signed in under my other profile) – Thank you so much and I appreciate your journey. It’s tough but I’m now on Day 20 and I will tell you this: It gets better. It’s still challenging but at least every other day is a positive one, a day where I feel like “I’ve got this” – the tougher days are a little challenging but no longer miserable, just slightly uncomfortable but I’m doing the work, re-reading the stuff that means something to me and it’s helping. Saturday I visited friends that I always drink with. And I actually had fun without wine. It was shocking but wonderful to know that I can socialize and have a nice time without being buzzed!

    Do the work and get through your letter. That was a very difficult one for me too but also very freeing and ultimately very important. I was able to really get it all out on paper and in order to release those emotions I had to unleash those emotions.

    I would recommend reading “The Naked Mind” on the side of doing this. I’ve been reading this book on the side and that’s also making a big difference for me. It’s a super interesting book and the author has even offered a free download of it from her website: (ADMIN: I hope it’s OK to share this – it’s free and reading it at night in conjunction with doing the 30-day solution has been a great one-two punch in thriving in sobriety for me. I think it might help others as well as an additional resource.

    Best of luck!

    • #18707


      I really liked today’s visualization solution and think it can help with so many goals I have in life from sobriety to weight loss. Not every solution has worked for me (like forgiveness letters) but that’s ok because plenty of them are helpful. I also really appreciated the referral to the book, The Naked Self. This is great to read in conjunction with this program or start it right after you finish the 30 Days. I really caution anyone who wants to try moderation. Is it really worth risking it and having to start all over again? It is just as difficult to start over a second time and really do not believe that there are that many people who have had an abusive relationship with alcohol who can return to moderate drinking. And why? What positive thing has it ever done for you? Just let it go – your friends, co-workers and family will get used to sober you and stop questioning it. I think the book just includes that option to not scare off people who aren’t ready to face life without alcohol but they do note and caution that very few can pull it off. Give yourself a chance to really thrive in sobriety and don’t be over-confident that you can handle an occasional drink. I was sober for 9 1/2 years and decided to drink at a family wedding and within a year had lost control. Again. 17 Days sober and never going to try that again. So not worth it!

  • #16734


    Hi All,

    Just came across this thread- thanks for sharing everyone.

    I finished the 30 days on Feb 15 – left for family vacation the following day and succeeded in “moderate drinking” (which is my goal).

    I came back and went to my good friend’s bachelorette party. Everything was so rushed. I hadn’t even unpacked from my trip and I was soon at the store with my same old friends, cruising the alcohol aisle for cheap, big bottles of booze.

    I browned/blacked out BOTH nights. Yesterday I got home and was so sick all day – I couldn’t get off the couch and I somehow hurt my chest/bruised my sternum.

    I am pretty disappointed with myself and it’s like those 3o days are so far behind me. I am so frustrated because I didn’t EVEN drink that much – compared to everyone else, but my poor body just like – can’t handle alcohol anymore (and I know we learned all about this and we can’t compare ourselves to others/ hitting our own rock bottom, etc…)

    Anyway, I don’t really know what else to say- I just needed to write and reach out.

    What scares me most is when I hurt myself and wake up with bruises from the night before and don’t remember at all how it happened. I am definitely accident prone and I know this is a belief deep in my subconscious — it just scares me. I have too much going for me in life and love with my family and friends…

    I guess I am proof that 30 days of sobriety, and jumping back into drinking, doesn’t really work if your goal is ACTUAL moderation.

    THanks everyone <3

    • #16762


      Thank you for your post “Elevatinglife.” I am on day 17 and thinking more and more about the end of this 30 day journey. Going through the exercises and my daily journal have helped me a lot. But I know I still have underlying issues that I need to work on. I also know that after the 30 days I can’t go back to moderate drinking, it just simply won’t work for me and it sounds like it won’t for you. Believe me, I know that’s a tough prospect to face for those of us that drank heavily. I know I need to focus on the things I hated about drinking and those things far out weigh the good things. I’ve started thinking beyond the 30 days and what it will mean to thrive in sobriety….forever.

      Thank you for posting and don’t beat yourself up. There is a brighter world out there without alcohol. I wish you success.

  • #16735



    I’m sorry you had such a tough weekend but try not to beat yourself up over it. You are back. You have not failed, you had a little setback which has given you valuable feedback, taught you a good lesson or two and reinforced the reasons why you want to thrive is sobriety. Have gratitude that you’re not more hurt and that this experience has given you such solid insight. Read that book I posted in the post above yours if you can. It really is helpful. Congratulations on the success you’ve had and it’s so wonderful that you’ve come back to post rather than give up. πŸ™‚


  • #16759


    Jenn- I started that book yesterday! EXCELLENT!! I didn’t want to stop reading. It makes sooo much sense! Day 5 and feeling fantastic! Still have to to my forgiveness letter to myself (didn’t have alone time yesterday) but definitely did lots of thinking about it. I got my husband to read day 4 as I feel he needs to write a letter to me (one I will never read) as I know he has lots to forgive me for. Opened up great discussions for us. Previously I was kind of hiding that I was doing this program (unsuccessfully, mind you) but I feel that being open and honest will help me succeed! He is my greatest supporter and by hiding- I’m hurting us both :(.
    Elevatinglife- jenn is right. You are back. Don’t beat yourself up. You now have the tools to use to get ‘back on the horse’. I definitely recommend reading the book jenn posted as well. Life changer. πŸ’œ

  • #16760


    Desperate_4 –

    OH great! I’m so glad you are reading that book. I can’t believe how much of a difference it’s made for me this time, just being able to read this in conjunction with The 30-day solution. I also found a ‘stop drinking’ group on reddit (first time on reddit)on someone else’s suggestion: – it’s another free community and someone is always on there. (In fact that’s where I found out about The Naked Mind book). Every day there’s a daily place to commit to your sobriety for the day and somehow taking that little daily pledge, along with reading my vision statement, also helps.

    I waited more than a week (maybe 2?) before telling my husband too. Just one of those things that I needed to kind of do privately until I was ready to open up.

    Keep going! You’re doing great. We can and will thrive in sobriety! πŸ™‚


    • #18753



      Is this the same Jenn that is on the site? It’s me, Samantha!

      I was just going to share a post about TNM and when I started reading through everyone’s posts, I saw your name and recommendation and wanted to say “hi”! πŸ™‚

  • #16771


    Winding up on Day 15 , feeling good and confident. It’s hard to think about drinking ( even though I still do Sometimes) with all the action steps taking up my day. Lol!! But seriously the hard work is starting to pay off , I have a sense of accomplishment and I’m still actually telling myself that “I love you” !! Still doing my daily ritual of vision statements and Daily Goals. It’s hard not to think about the road ahead. Saying no to a drink and realizing that it will be for the rest of my life?? I know I’m getting ahead of the book, and that’s one of my goals, is to
    Let life come and go and not to over analyze. But I made up a saying that I tell myself very often during the day. ” Look where you where , Look were you are , Look were you want to be”. Seems to be working for me so far. Don’t give up the fight.

  • #17061


    Day 15 sober, and day 15 with the program. I’m really proud of myself!….I went over to a friend’s house the other night, in the past we would ALWAYS share a minimum of one bottle of wine, often 2, and then maybe some more…. I told her I was doing a 30 day “cleanse”, she didn’t bat an eye, just said “good for you”, put on the tea kettle, and we drank tea and talked for a few hours… it was lovely… what a relief. And today I had to drive an hour to the “fun” city near us, to get work supplies, and in the past I would ALWAYS plan for a fun lunch out in one of the many great pubs, cafes, etc… and ALWAYS have a couple of drinks at lunch, stop by Trader Joes and load up on a case of cheap wine, and feel the buzz driving home, anticipating the comfort of having lots of wine in the house. Now…thinking about all of the planning and maneuvering (and money) I’ve spent on obtaining alcohol just makes me sad. The time I’ve spent in a blurry treading water kind of place, not really ever accomplishing what I know I could, just kind of maintaining the status quo, not really reaching my potential, in any realm of life. So. I’m learning to do the tapping thing, trying to trust that it works, doing it regardless, and onward with this program… best wishes to everyone else out there! I know it’s not easy…. but for me at least, it’s already been so eye opening. And life saving.

    • #17371


      Hi @coppercat ! Sounds like you are doing great. Keep sharing the journey!
      Onward Fellow Sobriety Seeker, Sina

    • #18754


      Hi @coppercat,

      VERY well done!

      What I am learning is that leaving the old life behind and creating the new one we’ve all individually visualized for ourselves is absolutely possible!

      I loved today’s guided audio exercise and I love having actual homework to do each day, silly as it sounds. While I truly feel healed on all levels from my FORMER addiction to alcohol, I’m going to go ahead and complete this program because I like it.

      Last night when my husband asked if I wanted to have an easy wine, cheese, fruit & nuts dinner while watching a new live rock concert DVD, I turned him down by reminding him that I’m on Weight Watchers, and that while I am allowed to eat and drink whatever I want, wine = empty calories and I’m working too dang hard to achieve my weight loss (and sobriety) goals and it’s just not worth it to me. I encouraged him to go ahead and open a bottle and have that dinner while I fixed something for myself, but he said, “No, it’s no fun drinking alone.” Poor sweet guy, he has never had a problem with alcohol in his life, but for me, I’m staying away from it for the rest of my life.

      I know it is true, this time. I have reprogrammed my subconscious to such a degree it’s truly as if I’ve never had a drop of alcohol in my life. I did this by reading “This Naked Mind” and “Kick the Drink – Easily!” numerous times in a row (especially TNM because I love the amount of scientific evidence & research that no one can successfully argue against that Annie Grace provides). I listened to it on audio books while walking myself outside and running errands. Now I’m listening to “Alcohol Lied to Me” by Craig Beck, which is OK but NOTHING (in my opinion) beats “This Naked Mind”!

      The nerd in me likes this 30-day book/program because I like actively doing stuff to reinforce the new me, which is SO MUCH HAPPIER!


  • #17444


    Day 15 and wow…I am so amazed I have arrived to the halfway point..still facing challenges but using all my new tools in my sobriety tool box (journal LOL!) to keep pushing on and am oh so grateful for all the posts that I can read for encouragement, inspiration, a wake up call for lessons learned, and just plain old community comfort! I send out positive vibes to all the Thrivers celebrating from one hour to one day to one week to one year and beyond!

    I really like the following line in the Forgiveness Affirmation (p.94) …though we were “assigned” to read it each day back in chapter 4, I think my progress to date finally made me clearly see line number two:

    “I allow myself to be free, to live in Joy, Love, Peace, and Sobriety.”
    As I walk on my daily walks after work (which replace that poisoning habit!) I have come up with so many new mantras…that one is definitely going to be added!!!

    One funny note – found myself running an errand around 9pm on Thursday night… why? Because I could! I said to myself, “Self, good job! The old you would have been way to intoxicated at this hour to even consider driving anywhere! You are free in sobriety!”
    (And yes…I went cruising down the street…I was singing I AM THRIVING IN SOBRIETY people! Oh what a sight!)

  • #17445


    Thanks SQ, For posting your Day 15. Let’s hope it signals our previous Day 15 Sobriety Seekers,,, that better days lie ahead! Onward, Sina

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